'Be anxious for nothing..." ~Philippians 4:6

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

LIVING SINGLE


Have you ever had people stalking your relationship status as if a bomb is going to detonate if you don't get hitched soon? THEY took the plunge finally (or again...and again...and yet again) and so, according to their estimation, it's supposed to be your turn? Who said? It makes you think a change in your marital status will enrich their life more than yours!

I think relationships are divine. I LOVE love. Whoever said intimacy is a bad thing is clearly not doing it correctly. Entering into exclusive, committed relationships, however, is not sport, and it's wise to be sober and cautious about it. Others conclude that there are other ways to do life outside of matrimony, and prefer being single. Still others desire marriage, but they're not tearing out their hair due to the delay. They are, in fact, living--and thriving while they wait.

You have to show me something authentic, priceless, and desirable to make me long for it, or be envious of it. I know of a handful of couples who I think have wonderful relationships. My favorable conclusion, however, is only based on temporary experience and public display, but is it accurate? I don't know. Behind closed doors, they might be fighting for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

No single person wants to be another person's anything so badly as to leap blindly into a relationship. IF they want one (and many simply don't), that's perfectly okay). I think what most singles who desire companionship do want is a healthy, loving relationship based on trust and mutual respect. 

What is it that motivates those, whose relationships are dysfunctional, insecure, regretful, and unhappy (and you KNOW it because their own confessions, attitudes reveal it) to always make snide, insensitive, shady remarks about singles? What makes people think they have to inform you of your age as if you've forgotten and they've got you on a clock? Who said singles were suffering or lonely? NO single person, in his or her right mind wants ANY old piece of a man or woman--or the stress, distress, and possible dis-ease that goes along with making a poorly motivated choice-- just to be able to say they "have" one, or could "find" one. "At least I GOT a man (or a woman)" just CAN'T be your go-to defensive proclamation to your single friends, family members and acquaintances (or to yourself) if the man or woman you've "got", and your situation at home is a steaming, spicy, hot mess! It CAN'T be enough just to be able to CALL another person "husband" or "wife" if what you have is an adult child, a financial drain, or any other of the myriad of headaches and nightmares that come with being unequally, unreasonably, unhappily, or unwisely yoked. 

Having something is nice, I suppose, but if it's in good working order, that's even nicer. How is your relationship when the cameras are off? How is it when it's not on display? Should you really be the one poking at singles, or are you wishing you could trade places? What would the single people see if you allowed them to take an honest look? 
If you've been guilty of it, please stop assuming that single people covet the circumstances you secretly wish you could dispose of. Stop the shade. Stop the digs and inquisitions. It only draws more attention to your trouble. 
Sometimes people gush, boast, and protest too much. It doesn't motivate singles to do anything except laugh to ourselves--and thank God for piece of mind, security, discernment...and most of all freedom.

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