Some people will never give in secret. They need an audience. They need someone, other than the intended recipient, to know what they've given, when, where, and why. They will never give out of the kindness of their hearts. They never say, "I want to do something nice" because it's a nice thing to do. They want ammunition to keep others in check. They need to keep others tethered. They will even inflate their generosity; exaggerate or fabricate your need. They delight in telling others what they had to do for you--and the funny thing is, you neither sought them nor asked for a thing.
They will never give because giving is right, fair, or reasonable. They do it to be seen. They want praise, power, attention, control, or something to talk about. They need to feel important. Precious few conversations will be held without them bringing up what they've done for this person or that--no matter how long ago the transaction took place. Their giving is never genuine, and they always regret it. Giving is a scheme, and if it is not met with the right amount of appreciation, they will be frustrated. Frustration is, of course, the result of failed schemes.
Some people give because they want others to feel beholden, diminished, or obligated. Always on the tip of the tongue is "Look what I did for you!" It's not hard to peg those who have strings attached to their giving. They are neither discreet nor humble. What they want is a perpetual pat on the back.
It is infuriating and perplexing to a manipulative giver when you don't choose to take advantage, or fall for their cloaked scheme the way others have. When you graciously decline to accept what some people have to offer, they don't understand why. That's just how much they have magnified what they have to give, and misconstrued your need, or want of it. Don't be surprised if they insist that you accept. It's not because they're being kind or generous. It's because they don't want to be known as a liar. They've already bragged and broadcast what they were going to give to, or do for you. They've even already announced what you're supposed to do with their gift. With some people, there's always a catch. Their problem is, they never dreamed you wouldn't fall for it.
Now, how's it going to look when people find out you said, "Thanks, but no thanks"? Don't be surprised if the next lamentation you hear involves how they tried so hard to help.
Some things are blessings. Some are traps. Know the difference.
It's very, very sad when people think that the only way to have, and sustain relationships is by way of their wallets.
They will never give because giving is right, fair, or reasonable. They do it to be seen. They want praise, power, attention, control, or something to talk about. They need to feel important. Precious few conversations will be held without them bringing up what they've done for this person or that--no matter how long ago the transaction took place. Their giving is never genuine, and they always regret it. Giving is a scheme, and if it is not met with the right amount of appreciation, they will be frustrated. Frustration is, of course, the result of failed schemes.
Some people give because they want others to feel beholden, diminished, or obligated. Always on the tip of the tongue is "Look what I did for you!" It's not hard to peg those who have strings attached to their giving. They are neither discreet nor humble. What they want is a perpetual pat on the back.
It is infuriating and perplexing to a manipulative giver when you don't choose to take advantage, or fall for their cloaked scheme the way others have. When you graciously decline to accept what some people have to offer, they don't understand why. That's just how much they have magnified what they have to give, and misconstrued your need, or want of it. Don't be surprised if they insist that you accept. It's not because they're being kind or generous. It's because they don't want to be known as a liar. They've already bragged and broadcast what they were going to give to, or do for you. They've even already announced what you're supposed to do with their gift. With some people, there's always a catch. Their problem is, they never dreamed you wouldn't fall for it.
Now, how's it going to look when people find out you said, "Thanks, but no thanks"? Don't be surprised if the next lamentation you hear involves how they tried so hard to help.
Some things are blessings. Some are traps. Know the difference.
It's very, very sad when people think that the only way to have, and sustain relationships is by way of their wallets.
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