One doesn't need extra.
Supportive and helpful people are what one needs, not crazies.
As a caregiver you wear many hats; there's always something to do. You're not only attending to an individual's daily needs, you're managing their affairs as well.
Clearly, some people have nothing better to do than to wreak havoc, and treat you as if you're their employee!
They want attention.
They want information.
They want you to fear or respect them, but their contribution to the work is zero.
When you don't shrink, or allow them to manipulate you, it infuriates them.
Caregivers must pace themselves.
Caregivers must pace themselves.
There is no rule that you have to deal with anyone--especially if they've demonstrated that they don't particularly care for you, and are relentless in their attempts to negatively impact your life.
Maybe it used to bother you.
Maybe you used to wonder what you did to make people dislike you so.
Maybe you've tried to be kind (or were made to be kind).
If you were raised to be so, you make a gallant effort. After a while, in spite of your readiness for reconciliation, and love of harmony, you have to wash your hands of people.
There are people who have interfered with my immediate family for as long as I can remember--and they're still at it. They are living proof that people do what you allow.
You cannot bury your head in the sand, or be too spineless to address ANYONE who is a nuisance.
If you are married, and someone in your family has an issue with your spouse, and you don't THOROUGHLY check them, you're a fool who is inviting continuous trouble.
You do not allow anyone to chip away at the foundation of your house for their amusement, or to feed their sick obsession.
Your blind eye will be your undoing.
Be careful who you think is your ally.
Be careful who you think you need as an ally.
Failure to chastise people; to escort them out of your personal affairs when you can and should, will backfire.
Growing up, I realized, early on, that their incessant meddling was a point of contention. It was always the basis of an argument. It was also the reason my mother abandoned her longtime dream of returning to her birthplace after she retired.
She concluded that she simply wouldn't have any peace in her own home there. She would own it, but it wouldn't be hers. I didn't understand her reasoning, then. I remember seeing photographs of the house my parents had found. She loved it, and then abruptly changed her mind.
Why would people who have families, want to cause friction in yours?
I am sitting here with the same knot in my stomach I felt as a child--and I'm mad at myself that it's there. Responses are within my control.
Clearly there's some power I need to take back.
I am 55 years old, and these people actually think they still have authority and influence.
What they now have is my pity.
I'm here. That's their real issue. I'm blocking their access, I guess.
Yeah. I'm a big girl, but I'm not the police.
As my dad's caregiver, I realize now that I am the new target. I was accused yesterday of blocking their phone numbers from his home phone.
That's the latest accusation.
They phoned here in excess of 25 times starting around 7:30 AM.
It is apparently more expedient to make me out to be some techno-communications witch than to consider:
1. There's something wrong with their phone line.
2. He's napping.
3. He's on another line.
4. He's in the bathroom.
5. He's simply not here.
I want to do something about this dysfunction, but I fear I'm not dealing with rational people at all. They're like vultures.
They want something.
They're waiting for something.
They descend upon this house and a contentious, restless, toxic, antagonistic spirit comes with them.
My mother, the
shamefully frequent object of their intrusiveness, is dead now, and free
from it.
She dealt with it in her own, quiet way.
She was all for healthy living.
She didn't abuse her body.
I often wonder if stress was a factor in her Cancer diagnosis.
My mother's death was supposed to mean easier, full access.
My dad's illness threw a monkey wrench in the scheme.
Folks have been waiting for a funeral (and stuff) since 2005, but he keeps on rebounding.
I truly believe the Lord is not going to allow him to leave this Earth until this ridiculously long-running issue is resolved once and for all.
They want to take from him. They feel entitled somehow, but no one really wants to come and do the work to care for him.
They'd need to be compensated if they did.
I'm not getting, nor have I requested a dime.
He's my dad, but I'm in the way.
Unbelievable.
I'm not a child, and have a vast vocabulary of words to use these days, but something keeps telling me to stand down; quiet my soul; continue honoring my dad; continue my routine.
God's got this one.
This is a spirit--an evil one that I don't have to fight. It's not MY fight, I've just been dragged into it.
This bizarre situation was spawned before I was even born. It FEELS like I should boot up, and ball up my fists, but why?
They've proven, by their foolish ways, that don't care about me at all--only as it relates to me caring for him.
They are constantly sowing seeds of discord, and attempting to micromanage things here, but I realize I am a mere substitute for the woman they hated.
I hear that I have "all of her ways", and it's said in the most snarky tone.
I'm cool--and it's a compliment.
My mother was a phenomenal woman.
Hatred and jealousy will help these imps destroy themselves.
They have only to look at their lives and see how desperately they need to take their attention away from here, and focus on their own houses.
Hatred and jealousy, however, are blinding.
As a child, you are restrained.
You can't say anything to the grownups in your parent's lives. You'd better not!
It would be disrespectful. Funny. Wouldn't the constant, insensitive actions of pushy people, bent on destroying your family, fall under the "disrespectful" category? I guess not.
You learn, though, that some people are threats to the harmony and peace in your home, primarily because they don't enjoy harmony and peace in theirs.
Instead of taking notes from the pages of successful families, and implementing what they learn in their own spaces, they envy and seek to tarnish what they think they should, or can't have.
Parents, don't think your children don't see and hear EVERYTHING.
Don't think they are oblivious to the dynamics in your family.
They know how people feel about you.
They also know who love, or resent them, and would rather they didn't exist.
If those people never resolve their issues with you and your spouse, they will turn their attention to your children. Stop it NOW.
Say something.
If you are more afraid of the loss of meddling, manipulative people than you are the loss of your family's contentment...well...then, Coward, keep quiet.
Keep denying that you had no hand in it, and can do nothing about it.
Keep throwing the peace in your home under the bus. But rest assured, your adult children--who may be scarred, but aren't scared-- will have a lot to say.
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