That eagerly inserted asterisk, at the end of a deceased person’s bio, is either courtesy of a fishing expedition in The Sea of Forgetfulness, or from firsthand knowledge.
A noted person dies, and no matter how numerous or stellar their past and current accomplishments and contributions are, their public opinion obituary is not complete, without a side eye, hesitation, snark, and a detailed resurrection of the worst things they ever said or did. A person dies, and suddenly, their most humiliating failures, unforgivable offenses, questionable alliances, or biggest scandals come to light. The admonition to not speak ill of the dead, goes right out of the window. Someone needs to (or finally feels free to), let everyone know—sometimes unapologetically and gleefully—that the life being celebrated by some people, wasn’t exactly perfect. Others break out in rousing choruses of an old Munchkin hit.
You--stranger/casual observer--listen, read, and learn that the deceased was a loving family member, well-respected leader, inspirational mentor, talented creative force, generous benefactor, faithful supporter, trusted hero, and esteemed community builder, in the eyes of one person, or group of people. You also learn that they were the cold-hearted villain, soulless abuser, careless deadbeat, virtual demon, inconsiderate thief, relentless bully, controlling hypocrite, and habitual liar in the eyes of another.
Consistency, honesty, and history determine whether a society will sincerely, collectively mourn an individual, remain silent out of respect, let sleeping dogs lie, or shout a resounding, public “Good riddance!”.
Everyone— particularly a long suffering victim—has a right to tell his or her own story, unedited, and unrestricted. No one has to shelve what they personally experienced, for the sake of anyone’s legacy, and there’s nothing like a death to motivate previously silenced, or powerless people to finally release all of the unpleasant details they’ve been carrying. Perhaps it’s the only justice or closure they think they’ll get, since, they’ll never get empathy, their day in court, nor an apology. Gloating is their response.
Two things can be true at the same time: To hear Person A tell it, the deceased was a dream—a saint—who could do no wrong. Unfortunately, they were also a nightmare, who made the lives of persons B, C, and D, miserable, and those people are under no obligation to extend kind condolences, sugarcoat, or keep quiet. They commence to dragging.
If the goal is to have everyone speak well of you, without bribery, prompting, or sarcasm, forget it. At some point in life, you’ve probably ticked someone off who’s still mad about it. If the aim is for everyone to staunchly defend you against unwarranted criticism, or unfounded accusations, I suppose it’s wise to be very careful what you champion, and how you treat everyone. Perhaps, how you’re remembered isn’t entirely up to you, but a little more effort toward doing good, as opposed to shepherding evil, goes a long way.
.jpg)
Posts
