SATURDAY THOUGHTS : SILENCE

Silence is a response. 

Could it be a bit passive-aggressive, or cold? Sure. But it can also be peace-preserving, and energy-reserving—particularly in situations where there are too many self-appointed cooks, in a kitchen that only has so many burners on the stove.

Silence is a necessary pause. It allows room to think; assess how you feel, and decide if a response is even deserved or needed. 

Silence sends a message that signals exhaustion or exasperation. It asks, “You’re joking, right? Are you listening to yourself? Do you even hear how you sound? How about you roll that tape back, and listen. Revisit your correspondence and read what you wrote. Would YOU answer you? Would YOU reply, or would you laugh out loud, shake your head at the audacity, and hit “delete”?

Silence sidesteps the confrontation that controlling people have been itching for. Should you, against your own better judgment, stupidly break your silence, and try to reason with the unreasonable, you’ll know to never do that again. 

Silence identifies the fool (or fools) in the equation, as well as those who throw rocks and hide their hands. Usually it’s the hit dog that hollers, but some rocks have been known to ricochet and hit the pitcher.

Silence refuses to take the bait, but can open the door to speculation, assumptions, and conclusions, all of which can be as wrong as ketchup on peach cobbler.

When there are too many quarterbacks on the field, throwing too many non-regulation balls into the air, you don’t drive yourself crazy trying to figure out which one to catch, nor run yourself ragged trying to catch them all. You just go and chill on the sidelines, until the actual game begins, and the designated, authorized quarterback, coach, or ref calls the plays. Until then, YOU don’t have to say or do ANYTHING. 

Silence avoids incrimination, but always looks like guilt. Those last laughs, after the truth is revealed, though, are sweet.

Silence keeps you out of the fray. No one can quote you, because you haven’t said a mumbling word. The busy have been known, however, to put words into your mouth, though, especially if they think it will help their side.

Silence answers pests, busybodies, gossips, know-it-alls, dictators, nervous Nellie’s, loudmouths, opportunists, takeover spirits, the unnecessarily competitive, AND the nosy.

Silence will either anger, rattle, puzzle, or confuse those, on the job, who want you to capitulate. They want their word to be final, but know that your input or opinion is critical—and can shut that thing they said is going to happen, all the way down. 

Silence is not a favorite of those who aren’t running anything, but insist upon immediate responses to their inquiries, suggestions, demands, and directives, as if they’re your parent, supervisor, or boss.

Silence will offend those who are always acting as if you’re on THEIR clock, payroll—or plantation.

Silence will infuriate those who are constantly bothering, and inundating you with minutiae, mess, and nonsense that they’ve deemed important, but is of no consequence to you.

Silence will anger those who are known for treating others, over whom they have ZERO authority, like children, peons, or imbeciles.

Silence hilariously awakens the direct and filterless, who are only too happy to burst through the silence like the Kool-aid Man, and boldly say what you’re much too polite to say. They’ve had quite enough of the busyness, too.

In a perfect world, your silence is filled with mercy and grace. You’re hoping that it will cause the self-awareness of the bossy and busy to kick in, and see the need to correct, dial back, or altogether cease their  imposing behavior. Sadly, in the real world, silence just makes folks mad that others are not enthusiastically endorsing their busyness, or bowing to their demands. “What’s your problem? Everyone else hopped on the bandwagon. Everyone else thinks it’s a good idea. Everyone else changed their plans. Why don’t you?

Silence is a choice. You don’t really want to say anything, sometimes. You honestly have nothing to add. You’ve mulled over the situation. You do have an opinion about it, but you keep your trap shut, because your words (that you’ve already rehearsed in your head), wouldn’t exactly be nice, tactful, complimentary, nor kind. They don’t really want to hear what you COULD say, but choose not to. 

Silence often comes after concluding that words—many or few—won’t do any good, so why waste them?

When people, particularly on the job, have clearly convinced themselves that they have authority, the only person whose words might have any actual impact on them, is the person who bears responsibility—THE leader. 

Leaders, however, have to be vigilant, watchful, and prudent. A leader can’t be oblivious. He or she has to be discerning. Who a leader likes or trusts, could be the very person causing the most damage when he, or she isn’t around.

Silence lulls leaders into thinking that all is well.

Delegating authority is wise when there’s lots to do. Not checking the behavior of those, to whom authority was given, however, breeds chaos. The doling out of authority, like candy, to people who poorly represent them, think they are them, and mishandle and frustrate those upon whom they depend, is a leader’s preventable nightmare.

Too often a leader asks, “Where is everybody? Why didn’t someone come to me? Why didn’t anyone say something?”, when they should be asking themselves, “Why wasn’t I paying attention to the “yes” men, overzealous groupies, and bullies I assigned to one task or another? What words have they been attributing to me? Why didn’t I see that they were the source of the toxicity, disgruntlement, miscommunication, and dysfunction? Why didn’t I check them?”

Due to the silence of beleaguered employees, or volunteers, the leader figures out, often too late, that the very people, to whom authority was given, are tactless, curt, rude, wholly out of order, breaching boundaries, name-dropping, making simple things difficult, creating extra requirements, rules, work, and waste; are childish messy, dishonest, bordering on comical with their dissertation-like emails, and incessant group texts, killing morale, and causing others to just shut down, sit back, work to the rule, or even quit. 

Silence is protest.

Silence is very loud, but it can be interpreted as apathy, consent, or agreement. “Well, you didn’t say anything, so I just assumed…” or, “We didn’t hear from you, so we just put you down for…”.

Silence makes people think they can check boxes for you that you wouldn’t have checked.

Silence will cause control freaks to plow forward with their unsolicited ideas, because they wrongly decided that you were on board, too. It’s not until they hear crickets, or don’t see you where they expected you to be, that they even consider whether they’re doing WAY too much—THE ultimate most—and check their presumptuous planning, and obligating, groupthink mentality, inconsiderate decision making, relentless, convoluted, unhelpful  communication, unauthorized representation, usurping of authority, and need to control. 

The more the controlling ones talk—the more questions they ask, suggestions they offer, demands they implement, and plans they make—they unintentionally reveal that THEY’RE out of control. They’re the anxious. overly excited, insecure, worried, and overwhelmed ones. They’re in a tizzy. THEY haven’t concentrated on the PRINCIPAL thing, so they have to direct everyone’s attention to, and amplify incidental, superficial stuff. You know. The stuff that, if it were not present AT all, would in no way hinder the execution or delivery of what’s TRULY important. 

THEY’RE unsure, nervous, unprepared, complaining, and in need of remediation, so they project their angst and deficiencies onto everyone else. They make their problem everyone’s problem, and how dare you opt out, remain neutral, stick to the original plan, or go mute? Why aren’t you out of sorts, and barking demands, too?

They want their way, so, even in the face of carefully laid plans, and competent leadership, they carry on clandestine, cliquish, back room conversations, and emerge as unelected spokespersons. They even drag helpful, yet unsuspecting people into their manufactured emergencies. If their usurped authority goes unchecked, what could be easy, simple—fun, even—becomes complicated, uncomfortable, tiring, wasteful, inconvenient, unpleasant, and fraught with corrections, apologies, redo’s, mistakes, omissions, and damage control. 

Nevertheless, you remain mum, stick to the plan, and remember, “Silence is golden”.

You tell yourself, “I’m fine. I know my role, responsibilities, skills set, and lane. I know who has authority, and who the responsible party or parties are, should I have questions or concerns—or if things go wrong. 

I know how to find, and ask for information. I am quite familiar with the task, as well as who’s ACTUALLY in charge. 

My work ethic is solid. The leader has confidence in my ability. I don’t need additional nagging, gaslighting, guidance, suggestions, endorsement, nor approval. Unsolicited supervision and micromanagement is not needed, either. 

I speak for myself. 

I challenge the wannabe supervisors to consider what would happen if they weren’t on the job at all. Do they know that things would still go on? That’s sobering and humbling, isn’t it? Instead of jockeying for favor, points, or position, they should be learning, refreshing, producing, honing, preparing, and following, too—focusing on their duties concerning the principal thing. Imagine if they concentrated on getting THAT right? It should more than occupy their time and attention.”

Silence allows for rest, and restoration, and concentrating on generating excellence.

Silence is your friend, and like any good friend, it knows when to step up, and when to fall back. Knowing when to speak up (and there will be times), and when to keep your two cents, is a valuable skill.