QUARANTINE LIFE : TUESDAY THOUGHTS

That “No” you dared to utter at the height of the pandemic is reverberating even today. How dare you care about your health and wellbeing? Some people are still astounded that you didn’t make them a priority like you’d always done. Guess whose problem that is? Are there consequences. Yes. You’re free.

Being excluded isn’t always the slight or punishment some people intend it to be. Sometimes, it’s confirmation; a gift; a relief. 

You haven’t been put out to pasture, you’ve been spared. Where you stand in the minds and hearts of others doesn’t have to consume you, but it’s good to know. It informs the current and future decisions you make. 

You haven’t been kicked to the curb. You’ve been rescued from busyness and bad business practices; from hustlers and users—people who, you now know, were never genuine. You were always shortchanged, poorly represented, blindsided, overworked, uncomfortable, and cast aside depending on who was in the room. You were never secure. You were always dispensable. If it meant accommodating someone else, you lost; you had to sacrifice or shrink.

You were always proving yourself, biting your tongue, and meeting ever increasingly unreasonable (and often last minute) demands. You had to prove your loyalty and commitment, change or postpone your plans, but no such courtesy was ever returned. Haven’t you had enough of that? Aren’t you done with one-sided personal or business relationships?

Perhaps you never said it out loud, but is it possible you’ve been pulling away and looking for an exit ramp for a long time? Did the pandemic provide that way out?

Now you can say “yes” to, and deliberately initiate and pursue endeavors that feed your soul, amongst people you can trust, who have integrity and genuinely care about your welfare.

Ask yourself, “Do I really want to do that (whatever that is) anymore?” 

“Do I really want to go/be/work there?” 

“Have some things run their courses?” 

“Am I better off?”

Stop subjecting yourself to anything that always leaves you in the red, and demands only your sacrifice. Stop questioning, doubting, or being disappointed with yourself. Stop being driven by desperation. You have too much to offer. You have choices—always. You don’t have to say “yes” to everything.

Be thankful for the time you now have to do what enriches you. You no longer have to worry about fitting in. You don’t have to beat yourself up for remaining in places and spaces where people had no qualms about using you as their punchline, taking credit for your name, reputation, talent, or success, throwing you under the bus when things went left, or spinning a negative narrative about you to cover their own unscrupulous behavior. You no longer have to abide unnecessary competition from the insecure and incompetent.

Learn the lessons the pandemic taught so well:

Time is precious. 

Correctly categorize your relationships. 

Be wise concerning your resources.

Consider more efficient ways for things to be done. 

You matter. 

Choose humility.

Be flexible. 

You may be well able to do a thing, but is it really what you want to do? Is that place really where you even wanted to be, or did you just settle? Is it where you truly belong? 

Be honest. 

There’s been a whole pandemic and some things and people have gone right back to abnormal, and they’re counting on you to re-join them. Their rules, tactics, expectations, and standards haven’t changed, but yours certainly have. You’ve had a lot of time to reevaluate everything.

There are some calls you’ll never get again, while there are others that have been waiting to be made. Don’t be surprised by the people who thought you were unapproachable, retired, uninterested, or out of their league, not because it’s true, but because of what someone else has said.

It’s not that you couldn’t be in the room, or at the table. It’s not your health, availability, skill, will, nor competence that’s in question. Either you weren’t invited or hired, you’ve had enough of the nonsense, or someone just doesn’t want you there. Some things are a result of an accident or oversight. Others are deliberate. 

The narrative about who you are, that some have consistently spun, will suffice for those who benefit from your absence. The discerning, however, will find your absence unusual, silly, a loss, or poorly motivated. They’ll always seek the truth of the matter. They’re not going to accept what doesn’t make sense. If they truly want to know the backstory concerning you, they’ll surely ask YOU.

There are people who think they have the power to exclude or remove you from the circles and rooms where they think they hold court. If you get help or opportunities, they’ve declared it won’t be because of them, and they’re counting on everyone else to follow suit. To them, your fate and future is sealed based on their call, popularity, opinion, criticism, or recommendation. There’s nothing like the look on their faces when you show up where they didn’t think you belonged— particularly after they’ve worked so hard to render you insignificant and irrelevant. They think since THEY declared you washed up, a bad fit, difficult, or uncooperative, you’ll just fade away. People will make up whole scenarios about why you couldn’t do a thing, or be somewhere they didn’t want you to be. 

Don’t you want to be where you’re wanted? Isn’t that another pandemic lesson?

Fortunately, there are people who think for themselves. There are lots of them. You’re on their minds. They’re ignoring the attempts to block access. They see your value. They’re lined up and willing to help, encourage, support, and include you and everything you have to offer. They’re not seeking to own, manipulate, change, rebrand, control, or take credit for you and your abilities. They’re not anxious to punish or blackball you if you say “No”, don’t fall in line, or jump through their hoops. 

To those who are “God-sent”, YOU matter more than self-serving agendas, plans, or schemes. YOU matter more than how your contribution makes them look. YOU matter enough to be treated fairly and with respect. 

People only badmouth you when you’ve seen through them. They’ve taught you well who they are. Perhaps you taught them how to treat you. When you are no longer at their beck and call; when they can no longer get a whole lot of something for little or nothing, don’t be surprised when your good is suddenly “not all that”. Their poison, however, will soon poison them in the very spaces and places from which they hope you’ve been permanently ostracized. They’re going to continue disparaging you every chance they get. They have to, because—even when you’re long gone—your name keeps coming up. When others ask, “Where’s so-and-so?” There will be some bogus answer that lays the fault at your door, calls for the operation of your mind, and includes a whole conversation with you that never happened. 

The discerning, however, will seek you out. They prefer whole stories. They verify. They know a lie or fishy tale when they hear one. They’ll ask YOU. They’ll even usher and lead you to new, open doors that won’t leave you lacking like before.

No more wasted time. Forward march. The coast (and the air, apparently) is clear today. It’s high time for one of the people who benefits from your effort to be YOU. The right people in your corner will agree.