A Facebook friend asked why some people seem to sabotage all, or most of their relationships.
For some, it only takes one time to be wounded by a trusted friend, loved one, authority figure, etc. The fear of experiencing hurt again, prevents them from trusting others— even if there’s no sign of evil intentions. They just don’t want to take that chance again. Perhaps they’re questioning whether they can trust their own judgment anymore. They may feel they allowed themselves to be hurt or deceived, so, going forward, everybody is deemed guilty until proven innocent. No one gets close enough to deliver a repeat performance, and all engagements are temporary.
Some people are just afraid, and fear can manifest in lots of ways. The alleged saboteur’s hurt was, perhaps, deep. That fear makes them put up walls, set boundaries, misjudge, or misunderstand the intentions of others. They expect the proverbial shoe to drop. They look for cracks. Funny thing is, sometimes they’re right about the shady motivations of others.
I wonder if hurt can jumpstart a keener observation, intuition, or even wisdom they didn’t possess before. The first sign of anything that smells like the inflicted of that past wound, and they’re out. Meeting adjourned.
To everyone else it looks like self-sabotage when they see people decline opportunities, avoid relationships, or isolate. To the wounded individual, however, it’s self-preservation.
It’s baffling, hard to understand, infuriating, and even offensive to the one who is loving, trying to help, share, or be a blessing, but the best thing to do is, not get angry or critical, but pray that the hearts of wounded people don’t remain hardened and full of suspicion toward those who don’t deserve that. Pray that they don’t allow fear to rob them of life-changing experiences and healthy, positive, refreshing relationships.
The discernment of Jesus gave him an advantage. He could read everyone. He peeped the snakes and the sheep. He wasn’t blindsided by the behavior of others as we are. He addressed people’s issues, and offered healing solutions that weren’t selfishly motivated. He extended grace.
We should try that more often.
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