IMAGE AND PERCEPTION

The recent news of the termination of a popular panel talk show host reminded me of two things. The first was an episode of "The Andy Griffith Show". There was a carnival in Mayberry, that featured a burlesque show, in which a scantily clad dancer gyrated to the sounds of a one-man band. Floyd the Barber loved it, but Aunt Bee and Miss Clara weren't having it. To them, the dancer was indecent, and they marched their mad selves to the courthouse to tell Andy he needed to shut the carnival down. Andy, out of respect for his aunt confronted the carnival owner, but, in fairness to the people in town who did appreciate the show, merely asked if the dancer could "tone it down".  

The second, was an episode of "The Steve Harvey Show". A family wanted his help convincing their relative that her daily choice of attire was inappropriate, dangerous, and provocative. They were afraid for her, and considered her various states of undress reckless and irresponsible. The relative had two daughters, and it was revealed that they, too, were regularly embarrassed by their mother's choice of skimpy attire, and perplexed by her defense of it. The woman joined her family on stage, (her disgusted mother was there, too) after they'd petitioned Steve for help. She nervously greeted her family and began to speak. She was extremely physically fit, soft spoken, pleasant and articulate. She had a beautiful smile and was poised. She revealed that her self worth had been impacted by a cruel prank when she was in high school. It caused her to feel she needed to be less tomboyish and more sexy. She was quite proud of herself, but there were no boundaries to accompany her pride. She'd lost the ability to determine what was appropriate attire for when and where. The slight in high school caused her to adopt the mantra, "People should accept me the way I am." Unfortunately, it was clear that she didn't really accept herself, she was simply projecting an image that had been desperately pushing back against the actions and words of someone to whom she had given too much power. Those old wounds manifested in over-the-top behavior. She wanted to be noticed, accepted, and loved. She wanted to be seen, praised and secure. There was nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, her own behavior betrayed her; brought unwanted attention and criticism. She was hard-working and brilliant, but her exterior made it impossible for others to embrace her, or take her seriously. Steve reminded her, in spite of her stance, that there was no rule that said anyone was obligated to accept her or her choices.

He said, "I'm really a bit surprised. I was expecting you to sound like your outfits." He launched into a mumbling, comical monologue of broken English. He continued, "I really was. I thought it was gonna be damned near an embarrassing moment for your mom...you shocked me...you're going to open your daughters up to the same ridicule, and that's why you gotta stop...Your body ain't for everybody...I've got some fine daughters. I'd kill for them daughters...If you take the imagination off of a man, the hunt is over." 

I'm sure someone had been trying to tell the now unemployed talk show host to tone herself down, too. Lord knows, her antics were consistent, cartoon-ish, and hilarious, but too much of anything can become annoying very quickly--even to your own people. 

Speculation that her over-the-top demeanor was her undoing, is now being met with cries of racism and sexism. People are surprised that her penchant for "keeping it real" is what was so offensive to some viewers. Still others are appalled that she kept it a bit too real, and aren't the least bit surprised by her termination. 

Their unrelated fictive kinship to her, drove them to hoping she'd be, and do better. She was unfairly tasked to represent us all, but in the end was considered embarrassing, and found guilty of setting back, hundreds of years, the strides Black women had made to be respected.

We;re finally represented on national television and what do we get? We get a daily dose of varying states of loud and wrong. We see less of Julia Baker, Liz McIntyre, Nyota Uhura, Claire Huxtable, or either Vivian Banks, and more ratchetness on top of excruciating ratchetness. 

Many stopped watching, or only tuned in when the host wasn't there. She was clowning and having a ball; being hysterically real and seemingly unaware of the unspoken rule that she was supposed to "act right" on national television; rejecting the long held, and burdensome duty of representing an entire race. 

No one had ever checked her. If they did, she wasn't listening. 

She thought she was fabulous, and thought everyone else did, too. 

She forgot that money talks, and she was not indispensable.

Via reality television, it seems that television is infested with well-dressed, well coiffed, well-heeled, spa-loving Black women with beat faces and lots of coin. On every channel they're wiling out. Somebody decided that ratchetness sells. The minute they speak and give the world a glimpse of their loud, profane, rude, eye-rolling, lip smacking, neck rotating, finger pointing selves, the classy image they presented when they were silent is immediately and irreparably shattered. It's like My Fair Lady gone horribly bad. 

Women are being given platforms to behave as abominably as they possibly can, and the sounds and images will be there for generations to see  and evaluate. 

We finally get to “the table” and we put our elbows on it, slurp, burp, spill, and use the wrong fork.

Every day on television, beautiful Black women lower the bar.  Are they being themselves or giving the world what is expected of them? Did someone tell, convince, or coach them to be combative, overly animated, lacking in finesse and charm? Are they aware that for every viewer who's amused by their antics, there are others who are mortified and furious? 

Is anyone, other than Steve Harvey telling women the truth? Are women even being honest with each other? Have we been deceived into thinking that everyone who comes with constructive criticism, helpful advice, or pure wisdom is a hater? Do we now reject those who teach us to be our best selves? Why do we defend what debases and maligns us? 

Unfortunately, Blackness and the attributes of a strong Black woman have been wrongly characterized as being synonymous with the very behavior that enemies of African American achievement and pride prefer to see. Sadly, many women in the public eye are playing into the hands of everyone who ever deemed Black people as inferior, unintelligent, and uncivilized. 

There is a huge difference between being spirited, fun-loving and confident and making a spectacle of oneself. There's a difference between "doing you" and screwing yourself.

It really is time for self and soul searching. In so many areas, we aren't putting our best feet forward; we're making excuses for lousy behavior. We're applauding mediocrity and snubbing excellence. We're arguing our right to be ourselves, but we aren't being ourselves. We're feeding into a centuries old stereotype and because of countless, repeated examples of ratchetness in the media, we're misinforming and convincing the world that we are all ratchet. 

Why should anyone be shocked by an intelligent Black woman as if she is an exception to the rule? Perhaps we've displayed and justified too much ignorance. Why do we insist on dumbing down? Why do we accept platforms and take money to paint ourselves in an unfavorable light? When the platform givers have had enough; when they've laughed enough; when they've convinced enough viewers that their abysmal view of Black womanhood is authentic, they pull the rug out. Instead of looking in the mirror to see the real problem, ratchetness always looks for someone or something else to blame.

"What happened to us?! What happened to us?! Who are you? Do you know who you are? What happened to the pride and the dignity and the love and respect that we had for one another? Where did it go? And how--how do we get it back?" 

~Cicely Tyson as Aunt Myrtle, 

“Madea's Family Reunion”