CAREGIVER DIARIES

So... I get it that guys don't want to feel emasculated at any age. They want to feel as if they're still in control; still viable and self-reliant. I'm here. Next month will be a year. He doesn't ever HAVE to, but numerous times Dad has picked up to the phone to reach out for assistance with one thing or another and, without fail first responses aren't "Yes", or "I'll see what I can do", or "Sure. I'll be right there", but, "Where is Vanessa?" 
Aaaaaah. That sarcastic, "Where is Vanessa" in all of its offended glory--it may as well be followed by, "Why are you bothering me?" Is "Where is Vanessa?" supposed to remind him of something like, he's reached his designated "one person per person" help quota? Is it a punishment they mete out because I AM here and they aren't exactly happy about it? "Where is Vanessa?" implies that I've said "No" to his request; that I won't, can't or have refused to help him. It implies he shouldn't ever ask anyone else to do anything for him, because whatever it is he hopes they'll do is my job. It's almost as if they're offended by his request. How dare he ask them to do anything if I'm here! What am I going to be doing while they're doing my job? Lollygagging? Goofing off? Wasting time? Sleeping? Perhaps helping him translates helping me, and God forbid they do that. I might get too fancy. I know. I'm being facetious. But I'm also serious. Being dependable and committed is a good thing. He's my Dad and I'm going to help him. 

How others perceive what you do doesn't matter. Just do a good job; do your best no matter what. Focus. Who's looking, critiquing, evaluating, rooting against, or for you isn't important. Who's waiting for you to quit or fail isn't either. Your presence is not an accident. God's got your back and he will anoint you; he will equip you with everything you need to carry out your tasks. He'll send help and it will come in the most mind-blowing way. He'll also let you know who to delete from your caller ID. Fair weather friends aren't friends at all. There are those who benefited greatly when bodies were able. They tend to disappear (and acquire amnesia) when the gravy train stops.
It's good to know who is, and isn't in your corner. You've got to know who the consistent folk are--and even they will not be able to come through all the time. Your trust in God has to increase with each new day. When you remember that God is your source--that you have ALWAYS depended on Him, and he prepares that table, (you know, THAT table) don't be surprised who's seated there grinning and expecting you to make them a plate. The same people who are adamant about not helping you get where you need to go, will be the first to claim a right to drive and ride in your vehicle.

Maybe you've made the mistake of confiding in the wrong people! Fix your face! Many delight in what they PERCEIVE to be your lack or suffering. Their response? Silence. Indifference. Arrogance. Ridicule. "I told you so." They vow not to help; just sit back and watch you figure it out--and are even a little disappointed when you do! They secretly hope and wait for you to fail. They gossip about why you don't have what they have; what you ought to be able to do; why your status, in their eyes, has changed. They hope you'll reach out so they can say, "No", but have a problem when God makes a way that doesn't involve them! You really have to change the tone of your tune! You ain't suffering! You're not out in the cold! Look around!
Help is present.

"I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken, or their children begging bread." ~Psalm 37:25