FRIDAY THOUGHTS: GOOD DEEDS

You say that you want to do something for someone. Perhaps, it would be wise to first inquire what they'd like. 

Your signature fried fish dinner, no matter how tasty and beautiful it is, would be painful, useless, and potentially deadly to someone whose vision is impaired, teeth are missing, or allergy won't allow it. 

Perhaps you did sit for hours on a cold bank, with a bucket, catch the fish with your bare hands, transport them hundreds of miles through a derecho, drag your leaky cooler into their kitchen, gut, clean, season, and fry the fish, and serve it at their table, but to a person who can't see the bones and has sore gums, your good intentions were self-centered and thoughtless. 

Don't be disappointed if profuse praise and thanks aren't exactly forthcoming. 

Not only can't the recipient enjoy the gift or appreciate your effort, but they have a smelly house, flies, and a greasy mess to clean up, to remind them of your lack of thought. 

As long as you were going for odor and grease, a bouquet of flowers and a jar of Afro Sheen would have been a better choice.

Consider the gift you want to give, and why you think it's a good choice. 

Really think it through. 

It will reveal how much you really know about the recipient. 

It's nice to want to do something for someone, or give them a gift, but if they won't be able to benefit from it, should you be disappointed when they are less than enthusiastic about it?

Plowing in like a bull in a glass shop, to do something for someone that they don't even want or need, is never a good idea, no matter what your intentions are. 

Too often we fail to consider the limitations, likes, and tastes of others, and expect them to accept and be grateful for our good deeds. 

Maybe they don't even want what we want them to have. 

Why can't they have boundaries? 

Why can't they have a right to accept or reject stuff? What will make you feel better, may not sit well with someone else.

Ask yourself if the gift is really about your good, warm, fuzzy feelings (or guilt), or the recipient's enjoyment. 

Will they be able to utilize it the way it was intended to be used, or will it be given to others for their enjoyment? 

Is it something they would have been happy about long ago, but are indifferent about now? 

Are you giving to be seen, or to be generous? 

Are you the only one who thinks it's a good idea? 

Are you forcing something on them because you like it and are puzzled, or offended that they don't feel the same way? 

Did they ever say they wanted it, or is it what you think is best for them? 

Will it involve the use of their resources, in order for the gift to be experienced? 

Will they stare at it, pick it apart, or push it aside? Will they make up a polite excuse as to why it's just not a good fit? 

What will be done with the gift when you're gone? Will it be consumed, put in a prominent place, or promptly thrown away--followed by a sarcastic, "What were they thinking?"

Being a cheerful giver is admirable, but knowing the wants, wishes and preferences of the intended recipient really cuts down on waste--and hurt feelings.