QUARANTINE LIFE: THE SLAP

Is it just us old-school boomers who were taught that everything we do and say affects ALL of us? Are we the only ones who were burdened with the struggle of keeping our true feelings in check no matter how we were mistreated, disrespected, or disregarded? 

In public was NEVER the place to lose your cool. God forbid “they” got proof that you were as uncivilized and ignorant as “they” thought you were.

Whew… 

I didn’t watch the Academy Awards broadcast, and don’t know who won or lost, but I JUST saw “the slap”. Secondary embarrassment, and unrelated, fictive kinship is real. Secondary anger is, too. No one would have minded if Judge Jackson or anyone in her entourage had knocked certain senators into next week, but when there’s so much at stake, self-control is an awesome thing to possess.

We never know what preceded a thing. Responses always seem over-the-top. Was this one of those hundred-years setbacks from which we have to recover and recoup the brownie points Judge Jackson’s cool, calm, collected demeanor netted us, or just a harmless Hollywood stunt that served its publicity purpose?

I can imagine my elders shaking their heads and muttering, “Now, see? Can’t take y’all NOWHERE! All dressed up and acting a fool”.

Something tells me that it was a last straw moment. Those are usually void of critical thinking or consideration of one’s surroundings. I have a feeling that other, old things hadn’t been addressed or resolved. Maybe he didn’t even want to be there. This was a man who was simmering. That anger didn’t just emerge out of nowhere. It had been waiting to blow, but he had been laughing seconds earlier. 

The bad joke may have represented a culmination of all of the things and people at which he hadn’t lashed out. Over the years, how many faces DIDN’T get slapped that, perhaps, deserved it more?

Failing to think about the consequences of our actions, no matter how harmless or justified those actions may be, puts our reputations, judgment, and even freedom on the line. 

When we don’t deal honesty and immediately with the things that bother us, other things and people meet our unfiltered wrath in the most unlikely or inappropriate places, and in front of bewildered people— whether they deserve it or not. 

When you’ve had enough, tact, care, respect, and appropriateness fly right out of the window. Some people know when they’re tap dancing on your last nerve. Others don’t. But the control of emotions is up to the individual. 

Still, I thought about something else my elders used to warn: “Behave yourself. Don’t embarrass me. Wherever you act up is where you’re gonna get it”. 

A comedian acted up…and…well…he got it.

When it comes to defending or vindicating loved ones, some people don't care who you are, or where you are. "Wherever you act up..."
Eventually, the discourse you think is funny or harmless, will offend someone who, in an instant, will forget about all that they can potentially lose by responding badly, or impulsively.

Even the most mild-mannered, nicest, sweetest people have another, not so pleasant side that's running over with the thoughts, memories, and feelings of being disrespected, mistreated, ridiculed, insulted, or bullied. Maybe they didn't confront, correct, or check others. Maybe they regret repeatedly turning the other cheek, or laughing it off. Maybe others are no longer around TO confront.

You have to know there's a possibility your big mouth will incur the wrath of someone who has had enough, and you might catch the hands, or the cuss-out that thirty-five other people deserved. 

It's just a good idea to think...and think again. 

Jokes at the expense of the dignity of others aren't funny. Some people might laugh. Others might briefly forget where they are, calmly walk their tuxedoed selves up to the stage on which you stand, care less about the global audience, and slap you silly. Would it be right? Probably not. The satisfaction in the moment, however, was probably strangely gratifying.

Those tears were full. Perhaps a mix of pride, joy...and worry. From the stroll back to his seat, to the acceptance of his award, there was a lot of time to process, and perhaps regret what he had done.

The takeaways:

1. Charges can be filed. After all, it was an assault. But, just as one person can say “It was a joke”, so can the person who responded to said joke. Problem is, the slap was seen and heard, and for some viewers, unedited, all over the world. Was that just good acting? I mean, it DID happen at The Oscars.

2. The comedian won’t let a certain person’s name come to mind, let alone out of his mouth EVER again. Maybe he didn’t mean to be offensive or insensitive, but now, he’s on notice. 

3. The Academy will use the incident as an excuse to walk back its reluctant commitment to inclusion, and hit back at the people who initiated the "Oscars So White" boycott. After all, theirs is a dignified event. Can’t have folk slapping the well paid host all willy-nilly.

4. A new slew of memes have been born.

5. There’s now a negative asterisk in an award-winning actor’s biography.

6. Is anyone talking about the winning artists and films today as much as the slap? Probably not.

7. Settings, occasions, and venues, be they somber or celebratory, won’t always save you from a beat down if you’re the type who delights in pushing other people’s buttons.

8. Comedy is subjective.