QUARANTINE LIFE: SOCIAL MEDIA

A friend raised a question about the wisdom of posting one's personal business on Facebook.

My Auntee Lillian used to say, "If you don't want your business in the street, keep it to yourself". She could gossip with the best of them--in a southern way that made you not see it as gossip, but pearls of wisdom. She knew a lot, because people gravitated to her for advice, and told her a lot, but when it came to her business, she knew how to lock it up tightly. If you were going to use something against her, you'd have to make it up. She was a need-to-know kind of person, discreet, and private. The extent to which some users turn to social media to let their hair down, air their grievances, and invite the world into their homes, would have mortified her.

We may overlook that, on the streets called social media, your friends are my friends, and my friends are your friends--but THEIR friends might hate our guts--not because of anything we've done--but because of what they read or heard from someone they like, love, or trust.

Auntee also used to emphasize that there are two sides to every tale--three if you include the truth. In the midst of a social media beef, revelation, or rant, however, the truth is often difficult to find--that is if you even care to investigate.

On another note, social media quickly established itself as the premier resume. It's not private, and once information is posted, it's forever. Unfortunately, in moments of anger, frustration, frivolity, or apathy, we give people, who may be looking for weaknesses, all the ammunition they need:

Employers find legitimate reasons not to hire, or to terminate employment;

Significant others collect reasons to rethink, or end relationships;

Patrons decide to take their business and investments elsewhere;

Onlookers and strangers gain reasons to question wisdom, maturity, intelligence, and integrity simply because of the content that people thoughtlessly curate.

What's helpful to remember, is that you can mute, hide, block, unfollow, delete, and never even see the passive-aggressive, provocative stuff that people deliberately post in their effort to provoke, shock, hurt, or humiliate you or others--under the guise of being informative. You really can just keep scrolling. As tempting as it may be, you don't have to engage.

You can always journal, keep a diary, or feverishly spill your woes, complaints, and issues into an email, read it, then delete it.

Consider that every friend request doesn't come from a friend who you'd want to inadvertently confide in anyway. Have you ever clicked that "See Friendship" icon? How have you been "friends" with someone since the inception of the app, but have zero posts in common? Not even a "Happy Birthday"? How do you not have a single mutual friend? It's not difficult to conclude that some of the friends who you blindly accepted (or wisely didn't) when the app was new, are essentially stalkers and spies who are waiting on an opportunity to pounce should you post something they disagree with, or that reinforces their narrative. The spies are easy to spot. Their page is relatively new, and can be timed to them being triggered by a post, but they're too cowardly to confront the person with whom they have an issue face to face. Their avatar is a cartoon, a quote, a flower, or blank. They usually don't have any friends, and very few photos of actual people, but their comments on the pages of others are strategic, mean-spirited, threatening, detailed, and so telling, that it doesn't take long to guess who they really are--or who sent them. Every now and then one of their cohorts will slip up and call them by name, or tag them in a photo. The spies aren't that smart.

Face it. Messy people love to see a good fight, particularly if they instigated it to cover their own indiscretions or motives.

Venting or sharing has a place, and can be downright helpful to you and others at times. Some people don't mind being a open book. They celebrate it. They tell on themselves so there can be no surprises.

I FULLY understand wanting to rant or lash out when you've been wronged. I get wanting to set records straight when you've been slandered. It's more than a notion to consider how far and wide someone's vendetta has traveled on an internationally used app, but I've learned, in my old age, that you never have to respond, vindicate, or explain. Walk away from the phone, tablet, or laptop. Just wait. Some Nosy Rosie will always call or DM you to ask, "Did you see what so-and-so posted?" Don't flinch. Just be happy when snakes reveal themselves voluntarily. Then you can act accordingly. You have several options that don't include clapping back and putting your true friends in the uncomfortable position of taking sides, or concluding that you and your TMI are the problem. 

Responses do tend to be over-the-top when you're fed up. If you're going to respond, do it according to the degree of the action. Don't make a fool out of yourself, and definitely don't let a fool think they've muted you by their extraordinary reason or wisdom. Oh, yeah. There are times when you must say something. You know what you know, and the truth you tell can be devastating or embarrassing. If you abandon self-control, chime in, and go too far, yours might be the last word---and screenshot to be used against you another day.

Your social media audience is wider than you know.