CAREGIVER DIARIES: MISINFORMATION

My late aunt Lillian used to say, "If you said it, you shouldn't mind repeating it." 

I like to add, "If it's true, you shouldn't mind it being repeated by the person you told". 

Most people don't like the things they've said in confidence being repeated at all, especially in the company of others, and particularly if it wasn't true. 

It's kind of amusing watching a person, who is adept at sowing seeds of discord, trying to backpedal their way out of the muck their own idle words created. 

It's also amusing watching the cracked faces of people who were robbed of their "I told you so".  

They were so hoping that the lie they believed, or the gossip they helped spread, would succeed.

We're living in a "fake news" era, but that's not just a political, media, or government problem. It's a regular people problem, too. 

In the absence of integrity, there will always be a discrepancy between what is actually happening, or has happened, and what is being reported about it. 

So many times we utter, "Oh. I didn't know" when the truth is, "Oh, I didn't bother to ask" or "Oh, I chose to believe a lie". 

Speculation is the tool of people who don't see, (and how could they? They're not on the scene long enough, or at all!) but still want to have a lot to say. 

Before you share information, open your eyes. 

See for yourself. 

Test whether what you have been told makes sense. 

Ask questions. 

Think for yourself. 

Consider the source. 

Accurate information is not hard to find these days. 

For a myriad of reasons, people have been known to manufacture information. It's a desperate move. 

Do you ever wonder WHY people tell you certain things? 

Is it because they feel they can confide in and trust you? 

Have you demonstrated how supportive you are? 

Is it your trustworthiness? 

Do they simply need to vent? 

Are you being manipulated? 

Do they need a witness in case something happens? 

Is it because they need an ally in their beef with someone else? 

Is it a game? A test? 

Could it be because they know you are a notorious gossip and are hoping you will immediately disseminate the information?

  

It's so important to listen carefully to what's on, and in between the lines. Look intently. Examine motives. 

Sometimes you have to dump all of the stuff certain people have told you. It's too much weight when it's wrong and false. It's definitely too much if it is unnecessarily affecting your relationships with others--particularly people you don't even know that well. 

If you're walking around mad with people, you ought to at least know why. It can't be because someone else simply wants you to be so because they are. 

Everything you hear--even from people who are supposed to be credible, is not true--and sometimes it's utter nonsense. 

It may not be pleasant, but if you care about them, you have to call them on it. 

Sometimes we are deceived because we can't separate who people are from what they say. We spend too much time scratching our heads and wondering "Why would they lie?" instead of acknowledging that they actually did. 

Even if it goes against your preferred narrative, always choose the truth. The payoff for supporting a lie and defending a liar, no matter who it may be, is the diminishing of faith in your integrity. 

Having someone's back and perpetuating a lie are not the same thing. 

My grandmother always said, "A dog that will bring a bone will carry one." It never fails. If they will gossip, lie, or spread rumors about them to you, they will do the same about you to them. 

If anyone thinks for one minute that he or she is special to a gossip, he or she is a fool. 

The simple fact that a person so eagerly listens is what endears them to the gossip. The listener is not special, but is an audience...a repository.

Sometimes we have to admit that we simply trusted the wrong source, or didn't bother to use our discernment. 

It's not a good feeling to find out that the divisive person in your life is someone you respected, but it's better to know. 

You can, then, be wiser about what you divulge and believe, and what you don't.