CAREGIVER DIARIES: POSTURING

When there's work to be done, a person has to bring more to the table than placing his or her feet underneath it.

Anyone who hasn't been consistently doing the work, or helping in any meaningful way, has to know (or be told) that pushiness, arrogance, orders, intrusion, or demands will not be welcome when the work is done. 

A last-minute bully or dictator on the job is a prime candidate for getting his or her feelings hurt. But, everybody knows that one person who always questions the competence and motivation of others, and is itching to take over when there's nothing significant or difficult to do. 

Some people can't stand that the work was being done successfully without benefit of their input.

In anything; on any job, if people think they can do it better, why don't they? 

If they have such wonderful ideas, methods, and suggestions, why aren't they executing them? 

If it was possible for them to be on the job when the lion's share of the work was being done, what hindered them from showing up and lending a hand? 

What is it that makes people decide to pounce, preen, and posture when their presence won't make an impact on anything except the space that they occupy?

When the principal work is over, at a stand still, or in the hands of numerous capable individuals, sudden offers of "help" will be met with suspicion, and will appear to be poorly motivated. 

The best time to offer help, is when there is work to be done, not when the most you can do is sit. An offer to pray from where you are would be a much better, thoughtful and more sensitive gesture, than to show up and be in the way--or appear to be on vacation.

If people would focus on the difficult, time-consuming, ever-changing tasks a caregiver faces, their attitudes, words, deeds, thoughts, and opinions would not be so ignorant. The inclination to supervise and micromanage always pops up in the minds of people who don't have a clue what's on your plate concerning the work you do. 

They don't want to do. They want to control, take over and see--AFTER the work is done--and what they usually want to see is what they can take or get.

A misguided view of the work to be done causes some people to focus on perceived benefits that workers receive for their efforts. It's amazing how people act when they think you're being paid, rewarded, enjoying a break, or are getting perks they think you don't deserve. 

Some people see or know you're working, but they have NO idea what that work entails. They like to pretend they are contributing; like to announce any contribution they make; like to pop in every blue moon and show their faces and announce themselves, but it's just for the Kodak moments. When they are truly needed, they are nowhere to be found. When they are asked to do something specific that would ACTUALLY be helpful, they always have a ready excuse. They want to do what THEY want to do whether it is helpful, inconvenient, disruptive, dangerous, necessary, wise or not.

Sometimes, the help that people offer only serves to create more work.