CAREGIVER DIARIES: BREATHE

It's been a long road since late August.

Dad was discharged from yet another hospital yesterday. 

Another victory, for sure, but any hospital stay, no matter how brief, means a bit of a setback where physical therapy is concerned. 

If history is an indicator, though, he'll bounce back again. 

He's been a trooper.

After I left the hospital, something tugged on me to drive farther west in Leesburg to thank the physical and occupational therapists, who had been so successful in their work with him. They said they had been looking for him since he was transported to the hospital several days ago, and wondered what happened. 

"I'm glad you came, one of them said. "I've been looking for my friend! I'm glad he's alright." 

I told them that he would be continuing therapy in a new facility, and wasn't surprised at all when they offered their continued help. 

It was the kind of concern I'd encountered with practically everyone who'd worked with him each day at every Inova facility. 

The therapists said how much they'd miss him, and the spirited debates they'd have. "Bob worked so hard, and he was a sweetheart."

I shared some of the photos I'd been carrying around, that I'd taken during his therapy sessions; a record of their time, and a testament to his slow, but remarkable recovery. 

In one picture, my Dad was standing tall at the parallel bars. His physical therapist had a big smile on her face. Her pride in him always made him proud of himself. She would always say, "You did it, Bob! You did the work! I'm just standing here!" 

She laughed at one of the photos that showed her from behind. "Oh! I see you got my good side! I'm going to put this one up on my bulletin board! Look at his face!" 

We all smiled and nodded. It had been a good day seeing him standing, after so many months of being in bed.

Before I left, one of them admonished me to take care of myself. "Take a break. Get some rest. Recharge. You have to pay attention to yourself, too, okay? Your father will be fine. He's a tough guy."

As I was driving back, it occurred to me that the therapist was among numerous people--friends, family, and strangers--who had reminded me that I needed care, too. 

As I reached for the radio to listen to my favorite NPR station, I heard clearly, "When the Lord is trying to lighten your load, let him." 

I realized in that moment that I didn't have to rush. There was no urgency. 

There was no crisis. 

There were no forms to fill out; no questions to answer; no emergency; nothing to fix, explain, or correct; 

no decision to make; 

nothing to clean, deodorize or disinfect; 

no drama; 

no toxic people. 

I could take my time. Breathe. 

Enjoy the scenery. 

I moved to the right lane, and allowed everyone else to whiz by.

I was hungry, so I drove to a fast food restaurant and sat in the drive-thru line for a few minutes, then decided I could make a better choice. 

I drove to my daughter's house, where I've felt supported, content, happy, and cared for. 

I noticed my steps when I got out of the car.

I looked up at the sky, grabbed my phone, pointed, and took a photo. 

A calm came over me that I can't explain. I realized I wasn't tired. 

I wasn't dragging. I wasn't huffing and puffing as I ascended the stairs. 

I didn't even mind the cold.  When I got inside, I steamed some broccoli--and laughed while I was doing it. I really did have a taste for Chick Fil'A. What happened? 

I sat down with my laptop to read email, and opened a daily devotional from Marsha Burns called "Small Straws in a Soft Wind". 

I read:

 "Prepare yourself for not only a new beginning, but a new era. Let the past become a dim memory as you move forward with renewed hope and expectation. You will rise to new heights..."

I'm not the least bit superstitious, but I do have faith. The words were so encouraging..."a new beginning"; "a new era".

I liked the sound of that.

Sometimes moving forward simply requires a new way of thinking, that in turn, fosters a new way of doing that still allows you to serve 

others, while still making time to renew yourself.

I enjoyed a delicious dinner courtesy of my daughter, laughed at episodes of "Frazier", and even finished a digital painting I'd put aside. I was so pleased with how it turned out, I visited one of my favorite sites, Canvas People, and ordered a canvas.

I woke up feeling refreshed this morning. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to sleep through the night without waking, and I've done it quite often in the past month.

This morning's devotional was no less encouraging than yesterday's:

"You mistakenly apply a sense of permanence to your current circumstances. But, I tell you honestly that you are always in a state of transition. Nothing in your physical, natural existence is immutable. 

Embrace change..."

Thanks Marsha Burns. I think I will...: )

CAREGIVER DIARIES: MISINFORMATION

My late aunt Lillian used to say, "If you said it, you shouldn't mind repeating it." 

I like to add, "If it's true, you shouldn't mind it being repeated by the person you told". 

Most people don't like the things they've said in confidence being repeated at all, especially in the company of others, and particularly if it wasn't true. 

It's kind of amusing watching a person, who is adept at sowing seeds of discord, trying to backpedal their way out of the muck their own idle words created. 

It's also amusing watching the cracked faces of people who were robbed of their "I told you so".  

They were so hoping that the lie they believed, or the gossip they helped spread, would succeed.

We're living in a "fake news" era, but that's not just a political, media, or government problem. It's a regular people problem, too. 

In the absence of integrity, there will always be a discrepancy between what is actually happening, or has happened, and what is being reported about it. 

So many times we utter, "Oh. I didn't know" when the truth is, "Oh, I didn't bother to ask" or "Oh, I chose to believe a lie". 

Speculation is the tool of people who don't see, (and how could they? They're not on the scene long enough, or at all!) but still want to have a lot to say. 

Before you share information, open your eyes. 

See for yourself. 

Test whether what you have been told makes sense. 

Ask questions. 

Think for yourself. 

Consider the source. 

Accurate information is not hard to find these days. 

For a myriad of reasons, people have been known to manufacture information. It's a desperate move. 

Do you ever wonder WHY people tell you certain things? 

Is it because they feel they can confide in and trust you? 

Have you demonstrated how supportive you are? 

Is it your trustworthiness? 

Do they simply need to vent? 

Are you being manipulated? 

Do they need a witness in case something happens? 

Is it because they need an ally in their beef with someone else? 

Is it a game? A test? 

Could it be because they know you are a notorious gossip and are hoping you will immediately disseminate the information?

  

It's so important to listen carefully to what's on, and in between the lines. Look intently. Examine motives. 

Sometimes you have to dump all of the stuff certain people have told you. It's too much weight when it's wrong and false. It's definitely too much if it is unnecessarily affecting your relationships with others--particularly people you don't even know that well. 

If you're walking around mad with people, you ought to at least know why. It can't be because someone else simply wants you to be so because they are. 

Everything you hear--even from people who are supposed to be credible, is not true--and sometimes it's utter nonsense. 

It may not be pleasant, but if you care about them, you have to call them on it. 

Sometimes we are deceived because we can't separate who people are from what they say. We spend too much time scratching our heads and wondering "Why would they lie?" instead of acknowledging that they actually did. 

Even if it goes against your preferred narrative, always choose the truth. The payoff for supporting a lie and defending a liar, no matter who it may be, is the diminishing of faith in your integrity. 

Having someone's back and perpetuating a lie are not the same thing. 

My grandmother always said, "A dog that will bring a bone will carry one." It never fails. If they will gossip, lie, or spread rumors about them to you, they will do the same about you to them. 

If anyone thinks for one minute that he or she is special to a gossip, he or she is a fool. 

The simple fact that a person so eagerly listens is what endears them to the gossip. The listener is not special, but is an audience...a repository.

Sometimes we have to admit that we simply trusted the wrong source, or didn't bother to use our discernment. 

It's not a good feeling to find out that the divisive person in your life is someone you respected, but it's better to know. 

You can, then, be wiser about what you divulge and believe, and what you don't.

IN CHARGE

They've got the look, the stance, the tone, but not the competence

To carry out the job that should be done

They scheme and lie; manipulate; devoid of tact or grace

And make a mess of things for everyone 

They always want to run the show, but they don't know a lot

They seek the glamor, but they shun the chores

Everything is about them, including stuff that's not

All things work-related, are a bore 

It's so important to be seen, but when it comes to facts

They suddenly go mute, and start to sweat

They haven't done their homework, but they put on quite an act

And when exposed, they rush off with regret

So busy dogging those who know; competing with the skilled

They never really grasp the gravity

Of the result of one wrong move; one thoughtless, hasty plan

But they're "in charge" so they don't see the need

To be present each day and work--not just talk a good game

Not just show up for photo-ops so they

Can fool the world about what their involvement really is

But when it counts, they don't know what to say 

They screw up royally, and then, have the nerve to ask

Of the people that they screwed, "What shall we do?"

"Wait. Aren't you in charge?" the people ask in disbelief

Shouldn't you be telling us where to go to?

You said you had authority, so we're waiting on you!

Why are you asking us what you should know?

Had you not hurt and so maligned those who actually knew

We'd be sure now, what to do and where to go!"

Attention seeking, envy, self-absorption are always

An unhealthy mix when things demand

That one's own needs and wants be exchanged for the greater good-- 

A concept that some folk don't understand 

Not everyone can be in charge, but somewhere many learned

That following and helping is beneath

Their dignity, and so they reach for reigns they can't control--

Just to say they have authority 

"Sorry" never quite  repairs the blunders that they make
They're much too arrogant to just concede
That if they'd only asked of those who knew the path to take
They'd then display the traits of those who lead

There's nothing wrong with deferring to those who've put in time

To those whose skill and faithfulness have shown

That staying in your lane; helping; not trying to undermine

Ensures success for all, not just your own 

vrw2017

MERRY CHRISTMAS

I don't think I've ever felt so peaceful

I don't think I've ever been more clear

And how nice that my epiphany came

On a revered day of the year

A day when behind the joy

We forget that rejection was there

Injustice took place

Compassion was gone

And though room was made, it was spare

When I think of The Child it reminds me

We all had to begin somewhere

And our purpose, if we ever find it

May not be welcome everywhere

He knew why He came, and continued

Not missing a step or a cause

He did what was good all his life and

All without noise or applause

And still fault was found, he was slandered

Made to suffer for nothing he'd done

That Child who came simply to save us

To redeem and love everyone

 If he had to suffer than why not

Rejoice like his word often says

In spite of whatever befalls us

Shun sadness and be strong instead

He said "Have no fear. Who can hurt you?"

Who can take you out of my hand?

And so I remember his promise

And this peace I cannot understand

Will carry me throughout this night

And comfortably into the next day

For the rest of my life I'll be thankful

And with faith continue to say

"No weapon formed to hurt or harm me

Will prosper, and so I rejoice"

As the smile on my face grows wider

And the strength comes back to my voice

I'll sing of the Child, the Redeemer

Who's the reason I'm happy and free

Who speaks to my heart even now and

Will sing over me as I sleep.

vrw 2017

CAREGIVER DIARIES: THE INFAMOUS "THEY"

The music was familiar. I loved it.

I'd been singing along in my own way (singing all of the parts, and what I thought were the lyrics) for 25 years. 

The invitation, however, demanded precision. 

I knew that singing precisely, as opposed to leisurely, would take concentration. I knew that the days leading up to the concert would be long, and I worried if my brain would be able to handle it--and the sight reading. 

I was exhausted.

There's been a lot on my caregiving plate this year. I felt a little rusty because I haven't been singing very much. I considered declining the gracious invitation. You never want to be the weakest link. 

I'm so glad, though, that I decided to accept, and participate in the Soulful Celebration concert at the Kennedy Center. It was just the shot in the arm that I needed. I felt so refreshed and happy after that final "Hallelujah!". 

I'm still smiling about it. The spirit of cooperation was wonderful. Being in the company of caring, nurturing people was, too. 

Music really does help and heal.

Did I really think the enemy wouldn't "try it", though? ...lol

We were on a break from rehearsal on Monday when I walked into the canteen to grab a bite to eat, and was greeted by a woman who happened to know my Dad. 

"I just knew you'd be here!" she shouted as she hugged me. "I guess you stay busy traveling, huh?" 

I wanted to correct her that the event was one of a few times I've actually sung publicly all year, but I didn't.  

She said, "I guess we can go to see your dad now. I'm sorry I haven't visited, but we heard what was going on." 

Dumbfounded, I asked, "Who's "we", and who told you that you couldn't visit? He's in a public place."

 

She looked more puzzled than I did. "Well, I got an email...they said...I mean in his condition...you know...I mean that your family was restricting visitors, and..." 

I stopped her mid sentence. "Who are they? What email? Who told you that?" 

She was suddenly very apologetic. She said some other stuff about knowing "how people are" but I had tuned out. Drama tried to find and hogtie me. I took a deep breath.

  

I've kinda gotten used to people misspeaking, being nosy, presumptuous, too familiar, pushy, antagonistic, demanding, divisive, careless, and misinformed. I don't think most people are being malicious, but it doesn't make some encounters any less tiring. 

I recall the time when I hated and avoided confrontation of any kind. I always felt like I had to defend, or diffuse, or explain in detail to people who didn't deserve an ounce of information. 

I used to think I had to make nice no matter what. 

Times have changed. Mercy is still a great motivator, but no longer at any cost. 

I still hear my late mother's voice in my head, "Be a lady...You don't have to get down on somebody else's level, but speak up when you need to". 

It occurred to me that in almost 3 years, I had never seen the woman on my street, let alone at my Dad's house, or at any hospital or skilled nursing facility to which he's been admitted. What made me think she was really interested in driving the 53 miles to Leesburg to visit him?

When I tuned back in, she was saying that she would do better and ask before she made assumptions or took another person's word as gospel. She had been her own mother's caregiver, and had her own experiences with misinformation. 

She bade me a "Merry Christmas" as she hurried off and said she'd pray I be "delivered from church people".

 

I thought that was funny, too, considering she had so successfully exhibited some of the telltale foot-in-mouth traits of the "churched". 

A friend witnessed the encounter and asked if I was okay. 

"The devil doesn't have any new tricks, Vanessa. Always the same old stuff, huh? You must be having too much fun and he can't stand it." 

We laughed, found a table and enjoyed our meal. That little hiccup wasn't going to wipe the smile off of my face that had been there.

The infamous "they" have been having a field day lately, and I don't know why its ever surprising to me. 

I've said it before and it bears repeating: Everyone can NOT represent you. They will go off script, embellish, flat-out lie, backpedal, omit critical information, do the most when the least will suffice, and worst of all, try to assume your identity. 

Some people can't represent you because they neither know your heart, nor do they respect your wishes. They'll make decisions and ascribe them to you. 

I'm happy that there are more people who know the truth of a matter than those who are satisfied to speculate. They help you to put out fires so that you can remain focused.

Why, when someone wants to know something, don't they simply inquire of those who actually know? Why phone someone who's not present to ask what's going on, take their word, and then disseminate it? That's just plain stupid. 

Since I became a caregiver, I've heard more about what I've said, what "they" said, what I've done, and failed to do, than I have in my whole life. I can count on one hand, however, the people who, prior to my Dad's hospitalization, consistently visited, and assisted in ways that mattered. 

That's why caregivers need to assemble a trusted team--people who will have your back, and if they can't do anything else, they'll at least pray.

It never ceases to amaze me how fixated people can be on everything other than my Dad's well being--and it's always the people who were eerily missing in action during countless times when I really could have used a helping hand.

 

Someone actually grilled him about where his watch, ring, and checkbook were. Now, who keeps valuables with them, for someone to come and steal, when they're in the hospital? Who thinks I wouldn't be vigilant about things concerning him, or not follow his instructions? Why would anyone visit him and cause him unnecessary worry? 

It's pure evil--and again, not a surprise. 

A deacon friend of my Dad's called to encourage me. 

"Just keep paying attention to your dad. You don't owe anybody any explanations. You've been doing this by yourself a long time. Somebody asked me the other day, "Why they got him way out there in Leesburg?" I told them because he's getting the best care there, that's why. Are you paying for it? Did you visit him, or help out, or ask him if he needed anything when he was right around the corner? No! So why are you worrying about where he is now?"

I laughed, but he was right. So many people have soooooo much to say; they've conspired, schemed, lied, undermined, and gossiped incessantly. Others want to be in charge, and run things (and me), but when it comes to actual work--if it requires getting their hands dirty, changing plans, or committing indefinite blocks of time, they simply can't be found. They're much too busy to be bothered. 

More than a handful of rumors and accusations are flying about me even today. I hear "They" said I'm mounting a lawsuit. I wonder who I'm suing? lol...

"They" surely do know a lot more about my life than I do. 

Where are the infamous "they", however, when you're sitting in an emergency room all night? Asleep in their beds, of course.  

A friend lamented, "What you're going through is more common than you think. Caregiving is a sacrifice. It's hours, days, and years of time. The people who should be saying "thank you" and asking if you're alright, are the ones who tend to cause the most distractions and try to tear you down."

Busybodies, the guilt ridden, and opportunists miraculously show up regularly at the ninth hour when they sense a funeral is imminent, and there's stuff to be had--but if you are a caregiver you can't get bogged down in minutia. Your constitution remains the same. You know what the journey has been--every major detail. You've seen miracles. You can't take your eyes off of the principal thing. Your loved one's restored health and well-being is always what matters most.

You can't forget about your own health, either. Sometimes you have to turn off, shut down, and unplug. 

Caregivers, stay the course. Try not to be alarmed by anything. Learn from everything. Remember:

1.As much as possible, continue to do the things you love; the things that bring you joy.

2. Surround yourself with supportive, encouraging, understanding people.

3. Stop giving power away to, and accommodating those who clearly don't understand what you face each day.

4. Make no room for nonsense. Set boundaries where they need to be, and don't move them.

5. Clear your mind at the end of the day. Something funny usually helps me.

6. When people ask, "Is there something I can do?", have an answer other than, "No. I don't think so".

7. Talk is still cheap.

8. What is best always eclipses what is convenient.

9. Stay vigilant. Stay faithful...and remember, prayer still works.

CAREGIVER DIARIES: VICTORY

Never be rattled by who, or what the enemy uses to discourage you. Ignore those who willingly allow themselves to be used.

 

You've seen God's work time and time again. All of the signs may be indicating failure, but you will not fail. You will not fall. 

You have promises made by One who has never lied.

#rejoice

#stayfocused

#nodistractions

1. "Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:7

2. "You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

3. "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

4. "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith." 1 Peter 5:8-9

5. "No weapon that is formed against you will prosper; and every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their vindication is from Me," declares the Lord." Isaiah 54:17

6. "Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Ephesians 6:11-17

 

7. "In all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:37

8. "But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthians 15:57

9. "Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' says the Lord of hosts." Zechariah 4:6

10. "But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one." 2 Thessalonians 3:3

11. “Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.” Luke 10:19

12. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

13. "Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on Earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven." Matthew 18:18-19

14. “The Lord will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before you. They shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways.” Deuteronomy 28:7

15. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

16. "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

17. “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

18. "Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:21

19. "And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death.” Revelation 12:11

20. "Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” 1 Timothy 6:12

21. “...On this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” Matthew 16:18

22. "…the reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work.” 1 John 3:8

23. “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

24.  “One of your men puts to flight a thousand, for the Lord your God is He who fights for you, just as He promised you.” Joshua 23:10

25. “Do not fear them, for the Lord your God is the one fighting for you.” Deuteronomy 3:22

26.  “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?” Romans 8:31

27. "Through You we will push back our adversaries, through Your name we will trample down those who rise up against us.” Psalms 44:5

28.  “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

29. “For You have girded me with strength for battle; You have subdued under me those who rose up against me.” Psalms 18:39

30. "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust. Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart…” Psalms 91:1-4

31. "This is what the Lord says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's." 2 Chronicles 20:15

SUNDAY THOUGHTS: IRON SHARPENS IRON

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." ~Proverbs 27:17
 
Watching them work was delightful and motivating. Steven A. Ford and Mervyn E. Warren are both, creative, multi-talented, in-demand, Grammy award- winning, musical geniuses. 

Their resumes are impressive and extensive, but they are both so unassuming. 

Listening to them ask questions of each other and make decisions, demonstrated their great respect for one another. 

They sought each other's ideas. Neither was intimidated by the other. The manner in which they worked with one another, and their demeanor towards others was admirable, respectful, and loaded with lessons. 

If there was no grandstanding from them; no condescending, anxiety-inducing, unnecessary comments, fits, or conflict, why on Earth is such arrogance ever found and tolerated from lesser accomplished individuals? 

If these two world-renowned giants in the Music industry could work together and create a seamless, comfortable, professional, stress-free environment for everyone involved, then it's possible. 

No one else gets a pass.

It's sad, but given control of a thing, some people will wreck it every time. 

Workers want to look to the leader, not ignore him or her. They don't want to feel they've successfully executed a job in spite of the leader. 

A leader, director, or manager can't be so full of him or herself that it puts a dampener on the work. 

People don't decline what seem like wonderful opportunities, or quit for nothing. 

Something motivated it. 

It's past time to stop labeling and criticizing people for walking away from work environments that...well... suck. 

(In so many areas of life, it's time to examine and address the actions that prompt responses, and correct them.)

If you truly have the reins, you'll be secure enough to identify yourself. 

You'll never assume that anyone knows who you are, and you'll behave like a leader, not a scatterbrained brat. 

Too often, self-absorbed people get caught up in titles, and forget they must depend upon others to get the work done. 

People don't usually sign up for nonsense. 

A leader can't be a pain in the neck, and then wonder why no one is exactly lining up to work with them. 

The process of doing YOUR job should never hinder or distract someone else from doing THEIRS. 

If you're intimidated by, or envious of the people around you, it will show. 

Your leadership will be reduced to a joke. 

The abundance of your heart won't be able to shut your own mouth from exposing your fear and insecurity.

Good leaders never misrepresent themselves, or the parameters of the job. 

Good leaders don't tell workers they're going to be entering data, but when they show up to work, they discover they have to build the computer first--and for minimal pay. 

Deception will never be appreciated or tolerated by those enlisted to work. 
It's important for workers to know exactly what they are to do, and for whom. That will give them an idea if the compensation is commensurate, or if they're being shortchanged. 

It will also allow them to decide if they even want to take the job. 

Sometimes, the person in charge will cause potential workers to question if it's worth it to even show up. There are times when no amount of money is worth the drama and stress. 

Everyone can't be in charge. They'll suck the life out of a thing; make things more difficult, time-wasting, and nerve-wracking than they have to be. 

Throwing your weight around, barking orders, and demanding respect and attention from people who are under no obligation, (nor have they been motivated, instructed, or forewarned) to give it, will never be tolerated. 

Busyness, flightiness, incompetence, and pomposity, tend to be ignored or laughed at by those who are concentrated on, and committed to the efficient execution of the principal thing. 

Many an exasperated horse has thrown the rider. 

You have to demonstrate that you know what you're doing; demonstrate that you're under control, before you attempt to direct others. 

If you're all over the place, no one will want to take direction from you, and will look to others for guidance. 

No one EVER has to put up with crazy. 

Putting up with aggravation can be costly. 

There's no justifying bad behavior.

When you know the capabilities of the people on the job, you never have to hover, impede progress, or create a climate of anxiety. 

Know when to step in, adjust, and correct-- and know when to go somewhere and sit down. 

Good leaders choose well. 

Good leaders recognize and welcome other good leaders. 

They know to loosen their grip, temper their words, monitor their actions and attitudes, and allow competent people to do what they do best.

Attitude is everything--EVERYTHING!!! 

Respect is earned. 

The option to walk away from  a task is always present in the minds of workers. 

Good leaders make you want to stay--long after the work is done. 

If workers stick around, it's a choice. 

There's a pay off, and sometimes the privilege to work with some people, and learn from them is more valuable and life-changing than negotiable tender.