You've been exposed to a problem that exists under a roof that is not yours. The problem is not only the elephant in the room, but it's the one wearing big red polka dots and yellow horizontal stripes. This elephant is also wearing a hat and waving a flag.
Exacerbating the problem, is the realization that you've known all about it, but weren't supposed to. Your astute observation skills were grossly underestimated. You address the problem and are met with a giant dose of denial. Perhaps others DO see it, but they clearly don't care. Anything you suggest will be met with a defensive, flippant, or sarcastic reply. You want to say something, but you don't. Watching the problem is painful, so you don't look anymore. There's a gnawing, however, that makes you feel that if you don't say something, you're condoning the situation and implicit in any guilt or blame that will come later. You decide to handle it-- in the face of those who should be handling it, or at least helping to minimize the effects, and they cop an attitude. They ask you what you're doing and why. Then it becomes clear. They didn't mind the problem. It is neither a bother, a priority, nor an issue with them. They don't even see what you're so freaked-out about, and their oblivion (or is it uncaring) freaks YOU out even more. You wish you hadn't allowed yourself to get involved. You're on a side, but it isn't the one you thought you'd choose.
You always want to be supportive, but you're noticing a foul smell. You don't favor what you've been asked to endorse. You no longer recognize the person who enlisted your help. They are now immune to the stench. There was a time when they would have been considerably more appalled than you, and leading the charge to rectify the situation. Not now. Their senses have been coated with a veneer of arrogance, selfishness and entitlement. What do you do?
Perhaps it's time to mind your own business. Perhaps it's time to hand the entire situation over to God.
You can always remember the time when someone was not the way the are today. The thought is solidified by the realization that you, too have changed. Some changes in the demeanor of the people that you know leave you wondering if they were that way all along and you just never noticed. You wait for their usual actions or responses and they don't materialize. Yes. People do change--or do some mature, grow, and learn, while others slowly strip down to their unlikable, scary, true selves?
It can be the most empowering thing, or the most puzzling thing to watch someone change.
A crybaby suddenly stands his or her ground.
A fighter backs down from a confrontation.
A complainer graciously accepts what he has been given.
A miser suddenly wants to share.
An icy critic offers glowing praise.
An introvert decides to go out.
A user extends a helping hand.
A showboat applauds and endorses someone else.
An extrovert decides to stay in.
A troublemaker keeps the peace.
A prude becomes promiscuous.
A bigot demonstrates tolerance and understanding.
A peacemaker violently lashes out.
An humble soul resorts to arrogance.
A lazy slob decides to get up and clean up.
A neat freak watches as dirt turns to filth.
A faithful person cheats and stops showing up.
A pillar of justice and truth, engages in unfair practices and lies.
An easily provoked individual keeps quiet.
It's startling when the people suddenly show themselves, and the image is ugly or contrary. With what pair of eyes have you been looking? How do you handle it?
Do you say something? Can you? Why is it easy to say certain things to some people and not to others? Why does it seem that some people get away with murder while others are constantly called onto the carpet for even the slightest offense? What is it that makes us say, "Enough is enough" and delve into situations that can only be best described as "none of our business"? Do we always have to say something? Do we feel our opinions have to be shared? Can we ever just walk away and let things take the course our fearful minds know is inevitable? Is it ever alright to just keep our two-cents to ourselves, go back to our own issues, problems and circumstances and handle THEM with the same fervor we muster to tackle other people's dramas? Can one just sit idly and quietly by and do and say nothing? Does that take discipline or selfishness? Does it take discernment or just plain ol' common sense?
Some situations warrant intervention. Not all. Knowing when to jump in is so important. A good way to stop yourself from taking a plunge into waters where your opinion will only make matter worse, is to make a comparison between your own life's junk and the issue that someone else is facing. Judge less. Love more. Most times, people already know, or will talk themselves into recognizing that there's a problem that needs their attention. They look at themselves, and talk to themselves every day. They see themselves when their only company is God--whether they believe in him or not. Even if they don't say anything or admit anything, they know. Butting in or being harsh and judgmental often has the opposite effect on folks. Not that digging themselves into a deeper hole, behaving badly, or ignoring good advice just to spite others is a smart thing, but it happens.
If you want someone else to understand, it's good to have been understanding when it was your turn. You hate to see people swallowing their own pills, lying in the beds they made, or being overrun by the harvest of the bad seeds they've sown. You can't celebrate, gloat or say, "I told you so". You don't kick people when they're down, even when their fall is a result of their own doing. Hold on to your two-cents. You might need it.
Love more. Judge less.
Exacerbating the problem, is the realization that you've known all about it, but weren't supposed to. Your astute observation skills were grossly underestimated. You address the problem and are met with a giant dose of denial. Perhaps others DO see it, but they clearly don't care. Anything you suggest will be met with a defensive, flippant, or sarcastic reply. You want to say something, but you don't. Watching the problem is painful, so you don't look anymore. There's a gnawing, however, that makes you feel that if you don't say something, you're condoning the situation and implicit in any guilt or blame that will come later. You decide to handle it-- in the face of those who should be handling it, or at least helping to minimize the effects, and they cop an attitude. They ask you what you're doing and why. Then it becomes clear. They didn't mind the problem. It is neither a bother, a priority, nor an issue with them. They don't even see what you're so freaked-out about, and their oblivion (or is it uncaring) freaks YOU out even more. You wish you hadn't allowed yourself to get involved. You're on a side, but it isn't the one you thought you'd choose.
You always want to be supportive, but you're noticing a foul smell. You don't favor what you've been asked to endorse. You no longer recognize the person who enlisted your help. They are now immune to the stench. There was a time when they would have been considerably more appalled than you, and leading the charge to rectify the situation. Not now. Their senses have been coated with a veneer of arrogance, selfishness and entitlement. What do you do?
Perhaps it's time to mind your own business. Perhaps it's time to hand the entire situation over to God.
You can always remember the time when someone was not the way the are today. The thought is solidified by the realization that you, too have changed. Some changes in the demeanor of the people that you know leave you wondering if they were that way all along and you just never noticed. You wait for their usual actions or responses and they don't materialize. Yes. People do change--or do some mature, grow, and learn, while others slowly strip down to their unlikable, scary, true selves?
It can be the most empowering thing, or the most puzzling thing to watch someone change.
A crybaby suddenly stands his or her ground.
A fighter backs down from a confrontation.
A complainer graciously accepts what he has been given.
A miser suddenly wants to share.
An icy critic offers glowing praise.
An introvert decides to go out.
A user extends a helping hand.
A showboat applauds and endorses someone else.
An extrovert decides to stay in.
A troublemaker keeps the peace.
A prude becomes promiscuous.
A bigot demonstrates tolerance and understanding.
A peacemaker violently lashes out.
An humble soul resorts to arrogance.
A lazy slob decides to get up and clean up.
A neat freak watches as dirt turns to filth.
A faithful person cheats and stops showing up.
A pillar of justice and truth, engages in unfair practices and lies.
An easily provoked individual keeps quiet.
It's startling when the people suddenly show themselves, and the image is ugly or contrary. With what pair of eyes have you been looking? How do you handle it?
Do you say something? Can you? Why is it easy to say certain things to some people and not to others? Why does it seem that some people get away with murder while others are constantly called onto the carpet for even the slightest offense? What is it that makes us say, "Enough is enough" and delve into situations that can only be best described as "none of our business"? Do we always have to say something? Do we feel our opinions have to be shared? Can we ever just walk away and let things take the course our fearful minds know is inevitable? Is it ever alright to just keep our two-cents to ourselves, go back to our own issues, problems and circumstances and handle THEM with the same fervor we muster to tackle other people's dramas? Can one just sit idly and quietly by and do and say nothing? Does that take discipline or selfishness? Does it take discernment or just plain ol' common sense?
Some situations warrant intervention. Not all. Knowing when to jump in is so important. A good way to stop yourself from taking a plunge into waters where your opinion will only make matter worse, is to make a comparison between your own life's junk and the issue that someone else is facing. Judge less. Love more. Most times, people already know, or will talk themselves into recognizing that there's a problem that needs their attention. They look at themselves, and talk to themselves every day. They see themselves when their only company is God--whether they believe in him or not. Even if they don't say anything or admit anything, they know. Butting in or being harsh and judgmental often has the opposite effect on folks. Not that digging themselves into a deeper hole, behaving badly, or ignoring good advice just to spite others is a smart thing, but it happens.
If you want someone else to understand, it's good to have been understanding when it was your turn. You hate to see people swallowing their own pills, lying in the beds they made, or being overrun by the harvest of the bad seeds they've sown. You can't celebrate, gloat or say, "I told you so". You don't kick people when they're down, even when their fall is a result of their own doing. Hold on to your two-cents. You might need it.
Love more. Judge less.
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