A few days ago, I was
in the middle of scrambling eggs when a vehicle pulled into the driveway.
(I
detest the drop-in)
"Are you expecting someone?", Dad asked.
I
immediately turned off the burners on the stove.
I was not exactly camera
ready. I wasn't even "run outside and get the paper" ready. I was
perfectly dressed for sweeping the porch.
I'd just stepped into the living room
when I heard the woman's voice. "Hey! Did you make a copy of your ID for
me?"
Dad said no.
"Well that's okay, I can do it at the church.
Just give it to me".
Dad was rummaging through his wallet to find his
driver's license when I abandoned the reality that I looked like a complete
troll, and went back into the kitchen.
I said "Good morning", and then asked what
she needed his ID for.
She smirked, didn't answer, and looked at him.
I guess
she was waiting for him to silence me, or tell me to mind my business.
(These
days, he IS my business.)
She seemed awfully offended that I asked what her intent was. He interjected that she was going to bring him a Thanksgiving
basket.
"From the church?" I asked.
I then asked her why she needed a
copy of the driver's license of a person who had been a member of the church
since the early 90's. She knew his name, his age, and where he lived.
Practically everyone at his church knows him. He'd been a deacon and Sunday
school teacher for years! What changed?
He informed me that she was with the SHARE program.
I'm familiar with SHARE. Anyone can participate. I've purchased SHARE boxes in
the past. It made me wonder, even more, why she needed his ID.
I reminded her that she
had brought items to him before. I thought she'd purchased them, and was just being nice. The first time she dropped in, she brought
a bag of apples. The last time she dropped in, she brought several small
bottles of Ocean Spray blueberry juice, and a package of whiting fillets.
I
asked again. "Why do you need his ID?"
She asked me if I wanted her
to answer, or if I was waiting for him to tell me what he wanted to do.
I told
her I'd like an answer from her, since she was a representative of the church.
I wasn't exactly understanding her snarkiness, and she didn't seem to be able, or willing to manufacture a reasonable answer. Had she not acted with integrity when she'd
brought food items in the past? Had it been her food to give? What part of showing up unannounced at a
person's home to take their ID away (for ANY reason) made sense to her? She
wasn't a law enforcement officer, she was a SHARE volunteer!
What made it all worse,
my Dad didn't even know the lady's name!
"She's from the church"would
have been sufficient in so many scenarios--on the church parking lot maybe; in
line at the grocery store, but not this one.
When I asked again what she needed
the ID for, she said flippantly, "That's just how we do things".
I
didn't know who "we" were, but told her that "we" wouldn't
be "doing things" like that today, or any other day. My Dad was not
going to relinquish his ID.
There was something quite inappropriate about the
whole thing. I could understand if he was incapacitated and alone, but he was
not.
Under whose authority was she acting?
I told him that if he wanted to get
a Thanksgiving basket, he could make those arrangements on the premises of his
church. He could have done it Sunday! Churches are notorious for sign-up sheets! Why
did she need to come to his home? Was there something she needed to assess?
Where was HER ID? What made her think she was going to leave with his?
She
seemed flustered and frustrated, and not at all happy with me. I didn't care.
She looked at my Dad as if I was standing in the way of some huge windfall.
Oh well", she said manipulatively. "If she doesn't want me to
take it, then I won't."
(I just LOVE it when busybodies refer to me as
"she" with that snarky tone that FURTHER lets me know they are up to
no good.)
That ID was leaving here over my dead, troll-looking body.
With her
hand still extended, she waited to see if he would overrule me.
"Dad, you
just don't give your ID to anyone, and certainly not for them to leave your home and make copies of it. For a background check maybe, but for a
Thanksgiving basket? No way. I'll call the church."
He put his ID back into
his wallet. With that, she mumbled a goodbye and left.
I could tell that he
thought she was trying to help him, and do a good thing. He is neither
destitute, poor, needy, nor hungry. If the church routinely gives Thanksgiving
baskets to it's senior members, that's absolutely wonderful, but don't they
know who they are? Why does the church need a person's government issued ID
unless the program from which the baskets come is a government program? Why?
Unless the baskets must be paid for, or people have to prove their age or need,
and the church (which has a rich history of being fiscally responsible) has to
account for every item distributed, why is the ID necessary?
I have NO problem
with anyone who wants to be nice or generous to any member of my family.
What one will NOT
do, is tangle any member of my family up in what is tantamount to fraud.
I reminded Dad of
times he trusted someone he didn't know, and relinquished information he
shouldn't have. I felt as if I was chastising him, and it was uncomfortable.
It's amazing how roles slowly change when you're a caregiver. Dad has always been sharp and quick
witted. He has never been one to be manipulated, and doesn't trust easily. Why
was he so ready to relinquish his ID? What bill of goods had the lady sold him
at church? Why had she felt so comfortable about coming to his home, and
confident that she would leave with his ID?
Then I remembered her
very first visit. The doorbell rang late one evening. My Dad asked me if I was
expecting anyone when I headed to the door. I told him I wasn't. Even he seemed
a bit annoyed.
A woman with a boot on
her foot had just hobbled off of the porch, and was headed to her car when I
opened the door. "Can I help you?" I asked.
She rattled off her name, said she
was there to see Dad, and came in. She took off her shoe at the door, but of
course, due to her injury, told me she had to keep the boot on. Dad appeared
in the doorway of the sunroom where he had been resting. She began calling him
"Pop" and "Poppy" in the most unnatural way. It was a bit
embarrassing when he asked, "Now, who are you?"
She said she came by to borrow
his phone book...and that's what earned her a spot on The Busybody List...that
and the fact that when she left, he asked me if I remembered what her name was.
Busybodies are
interesting, amusing creatures. Their darting eyes, nervous laughter, and sudden
stuttering, identifies them. There's nothing fluid about their movements.
They're loud, too. They think their intrusiveness is acceptable. Too bad they
can't manage to make up a good excuse for their presence. They do first, and ask
later, rendering a lot of their effort a waste of time. They don't generally
think past getting their foot in the door. Once inside, its clear they don't
know what to say.
Phone book.
Wow.
I wonder who The Busybody Committee will send next.
I am sooooooooooooooooo
tired of people scamming, using, hoodwinking, and taking advantage of seniors!
They tend to be responsible; pay their bills on time; demonstrate a willingness
to help; and eager to save a dollar. Crooks know this. Dad has lost money,
and has had to switch back to his former home security, telephone, and
electricity utilities because he trusted unscrupulous people. Church people
should operate according to a higher standard, but then, they're people, too.
I will NEVER apologize
for advocating for a vulnerable person whether we are related or not. If that
means I am unfriendly in the eyes of some people...well... good.
PAY ATTENTION TO THE
SENIORS IN YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!
Pay attention, particularly if they have a
history of being generous, trusting, and embracing an open door policy. For
some reason, people feel they don't have to respect the home of a senior
citizen. They feel they can just pop in any time, and it's probably because
it's a bad habit that been allowed, and never challenged.
I'm so glad I was at
home. Who knows where Dad's ID would have ended up, and what fire my
siblings and I would have to put out tomorrow.
We are STILL trying to
get his money back from Northstar Security (and I'm beginning to think we
should forget about it ever seeing it again). Two guys came in and said they
were with ADT. Before Dad knew it, he was no longer an ADT customer, and was
stuck with a worthless alarm system, and a monthly bill.
Seniors tend to be
trusting and gracious. Advocates for them don't have to be the least bit polite
to the hell-bound individuals who attempt to take advantage of them.
Are you acting in the name of
your place of worship? Remember, the person who will be held responsible for
what you do is YOUR PASTOR. He or she may not even KNOW what you are doing--but
the people who will question your actions (and the results of them) may not
bother with that little detail. They'll just point fingers at the pulpit, and
wonder what he or she was ingesting or inhaling when you were appointed. Jesus
chose Judas KNOWING what HE was going to do. Pastors choose people to serve
without the benefit of supernatural knowledge, or a divine plan, and often get
questioned and blamed. It's unfair. Don't misuse your authority. Don't give
your church, or the ministry over which you have been GIVEN authority a bad
name. Don't call into question the integrity of your church's outreach
programs. Follow proper procedures. If partnerships, money, or other resources
are involved, stick to the script...and for the umpteenth time: If you don't want your feelings hurt,
DO NOT ATTEMPT
TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF SENIOR CITIZENS!!!!
UGH.
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