WEDNESDAY THOUGHTS: CONFRONTATION

It occurred to me that I will go to bat for others, but haven't always done so for myself. 

Somewhere, someone is trying to get over on, use, or take advantage of someone else. 

Ugh. 

I really hate it when people try to make others look bad. 

Some people get started early in the morning.

I hate arguments, fights, and all manner of disagreement. 

I don't even have to be in the throes of it; people don't even have to be talking to me, but if contention is in the vicinity I can feel it. 

It takes too much out of me. 

I know it doesn't have to be. 

I will walk away first, and have walked away from many things and people, frankly because it was easier than trying to either get someone to hear me, wait for someone in authority to right an obvious wrong, or deal with difficult people. 

Walking away was always easier than dealing with a bully, or remaining in a situation that was unfair or untenable. 

It's funny how people are appalled that you don't want to deal with, or accept what they would NEVER allow. 

You can be punished for speaking up, but if eradicating unnecessary grief and conflict is the result, speak on.

I am a huge fan of peace, harmony, and people who get along and see the tremendous benefit of unity. 

So many situations could be so much better if not for the penchant of some to keep confusion going. 

Unfortunately, it continues to go and grow because no one dares to confront and stop it. 

Everyone is waiting for someone in charge, or a responsible party to say, or do something. 

No one thinks it's their place to speak up. 

No one wants to make things worse, get involved, risk their spot, or hurt anyone's feelings. 

It's ridiculous, so stuff goes on for years, until someone, who previously saw themselves as powerless, has had enough, and finally does something about it. 

(Read "Yertle the Turtle: by Dr. Seuss. I swear, that Theodor Geisel was a prophet.) 

Confrontation can be costly, strenuous, and time consuming. 

It kinda reminds me of the bamboo that was overrunning my Dad's back yard. 

It looked harmless at first--pretty even--but over time, it spread out of the yard, pushed past the fence, and grew so densely across the width and length of the sidewalk, that pedestrians and bicyclists couldn't access about 25 feet of it, nor could you even see down the street unless you were standing in the street. 

Sure. Someone came with tools and spend a whole day cutting the bamboo and weeds down, and hauling it all away, but there are still sharp remnants of the stalks at ground level. 

It's possible to walk in the area, but one's choice of footwear had better come with some nice thick soles. 

That bamboo has to be dug up--the roots have to be confronted--or it's just going to return as thick and wild as ever.

I have never been a fan of confrontation. 

As I age, I'm learning that one cannot afford NOT to be. 

You don't have to yell or scream, or lose your Jesus card, but a lot of things can be quashed in an instant.

 
Why is it that when others speak up and confront incompetence, unfairness, dishonesty, laziness, etc., it's considered assertiveness but when you speak up--using exponentially less volume and attitude than they ever do-- it throws people into a tizzy? 

"OMG! What's wrong with her/him?" 

The same thing that would be wrong with you if you were in their shoes. 

Someone told me they noticed my fuse was a little short. 

Maybe it's because they've never known me to have a fuse at all. What they witnessed was me doing was what I know they would never do. 

They would NEVER sheepishly accept substandard, poor service that came with a side of attitude. 

They would never accept "there's nothing I can do about it" when they know that something can and must be done. 

Unfortunately, speaking up for oneself when it hasn't been one's habit, may make others uncomfortable and even angry. 

The signal that you will no longer be accepting crap puts people on notice. 

Those who have historically dished crap on your plate, expected you to like it, and thought you didn't see or smell it, don't exactly like that you are now sending that plate back. 

Speaking up for oneself is neither a tantrum nor an outburst. 

Don't let anyone con you into thinking it is just to shut you up. 

Speaking up makes you neither a diva, nor an angry black woman, (nor an angry whatever your melanin condition may be) but it seems so to someone who expects you to take whatever they think you deserve. 

When you speak up, it exposes schemes. 

Sometimes, when deciding who won't say anything, who will go along to get along, who won't make any waves, who will settle for less, you're the person who pops up first the minds of others. 

It could be your fault. 

It's true. You teach people how to treat you. 

If one has always been agreeable no matter what, something as simple as asking a legitimate question, or requiring that someone do even the basics of their job, can be a problem. 

Everyone else can advocate for themselves, but the second that the person who's always been motivated by mercy, dares to speak up, people get defensive, offended, and even condescending. 

When the quiet person speaks up, you better know that something is wrong--and it has been wrong, perhaps, for a very long time.

There have been times when it just didn't seem as if I should have had to explain myself--times when my intentions, track record, or skill should have never been questioned, because I thought someone knew me better. 

There have been times when people sat idly by and listened to a lie, knew the truth, but chose to remain silent because there was a position, opportunity, or relationship at stake. 

I used to think that confrontation was pointless and a waste of time. 

It was easier to just let people think they were right, have their opinion, cut ties and walk away. 

Then, finding out what they had to SAY, or continued to say while I chose to remain silent, was not only eyeopening, but hurtful and disappointing. 

What's worse is that lies and misinformation are believed. 

 To cover their indiscretions or elevate themselves, people will have other people thinking you're disabled, unavailable, incompetent, and out of commission. They'll paint you crazy, lazy, a bitch, AND a witch. 

They'll spin a thing so that they end up smelling like a rose, and you smell like the runoff from Blue Plains Sewage Treatment Plant. 

If they know you'll never say anything, or don't think you're aware of what has been said, (because you don't generally travel in the same circles), their narrative will live on as fact. 

Do you defend yourself, or do you just chill and wait for God to handle it as only he can? 

I've seen his work, so I've learned to wait.

My grandmother used to say, "A dog that will bring a bone, will carry one." 

In other words, you kinda have to wonder why people tell you certain things, and what information they're hoping to get from you that they're itching to share with someone else. 

This world is small. You never know who is acquainted with whom. 

It would be prudent, but you don't have to watch what you say and to whom. 

This is America. 

Go on. Embellish. Fail to think about the consequences of your words, but it's probably very difficult to eat crow with a cracked face.

I appreciate, to the Moon and back, a person who will boldly stand up for someone else in the face of gossip, misinformation, or unfair criticism. Someone did that for me recently, and I haven't even known them very long. They risked their role in a lucrative opportunity by refuting the disparaging words of an influential someone who isn't accustomed to being corrected or challenged by the "yes men" and mindless brown-nosers that occupy their circle. 

Fortunately, there are those who will be on the side of right and truth no matter what. 

They aren't so enamored with personalities, desperate to participate, or so thirsty for relationships/hook-ups that they'll condone the assassination of another person's character, reputation, or work. They'll speak up. They won't just sit silently and listen to someone lie about what was done or said--especially if they were there and know what really happened.

Some things you can ignore. Some things really are no big deal. Some things, however, need to be addressed as immediately as possible, or they'll grow into some uncontrollable monster, the destruction of whom, will require more muscle than you have at your disposal. 

Confrontation is a spotlight that will bring clarity. 

It will expose liars, manipulators, busybodies, the insecure, and the arrogant. 

It will force people to either be honest, look at themselves, reconsider their words and behavior towards others, or shut all the way up, crawl away, and curl up in a fetal ball of guilt and shame. 

Confrontation will correct, and properly edit the narrative so that TRUTH is disseminated. It will, in the words of the great philosopher, Barney Fife, "Nip it in the bud"---whatever "IT" is. 

I know that Relacore commercial by heart. 

I almost ordered some, but something told me, "You don't need Relacore. You need to speak up. 

What people think about you when, and after you do, is their business". 

When your cause is just, the more you speak up, the easier it will be, and the less stress you will experience. 

There's no need to walk around wondering "why?" or "what for?". Do you want certain situations to stop once and for all? 
Follow the advice I got from an old friend: "Stop running and confront". 

I promise you'll feel better.