SUNDAY THOUGHTS: NOTE FROM THE WARDROBE COMMITTEE

I've been invited to sing lots of places, over the years. 

It's not unusual to get driving directions, contact information, a tentative order of the program, event themes, and selected attire colors. 

I don't think I've EVER, however, received a protocols note concerning clothing.

 

In an age of "Come as you are", there definitely are people, who aren’t suffering or destitute; who actually HAVE appropriate clothes, and vast choices in their closets, but have clearly taken the concept overboard, and are showing up in churches looking as if they just left the beach, the club, or they simply rolled out of bed. 

Frankly, I admire people who aren't afraid to say "This is what is expected here", but if a person can’t comply, they should be prepared to do something to help…like take the offender to the mall.

I do wonder why certain expectations and rules don't apply to the entire week, though. The same God who is portrayed as a stern clothing inspector on the Sabbath day, certainly doesn't turn a blind eye and say, "Do you" on Monday morning, or Thursday afternoon, does He?

I did laugh a few times, as I read the note. It's not that it was funny, in and of itself, but I had an inkling as to WHY a note like that was ever written in the first place. 

I could imagine the stunned faces. I could almost see the appalled people whispering and shaking their holier-than-thou heads. I could envision the pointing; the frantic searching for extra large lap scarves. 

I could imagine the sheer disgust that some woman dared to show up at church looking like--well--a woman. 

Can't you just see her strutting in? 

She had the nerve to have gone to a beautician to give traffic-stopping power to her hair. Can’t you see her earrings, bracelet, and necklace catching the sunlight filtering through the stained glass, blinding the whole left side of the church, and burning a hole in the carpet? 

Can’t you see her knees, peeping out from under her dress, and sending some poor, frustrated, unhappily married soul into a frenzy? Can’t you see her high-heeled shoes adding a little more swish and sway to her walk?

Whole rows of people totally missed the sermon, for staring at her, rebuking her girly-ness, and damning her to hell as she worshipped. 

Yep. SHE did it. 

SHE prompted the note.

Heavy with do's and don'ts for women, I assumed the note was written BY a woman, but I don't know. 

I wasn't personally offended by it, just amused and fascinated. 

Something in the past obviously prompted the writer to send it. 

If he or she really knew ME, he, or she would have known it wasn't necessary, considering that I am the plainest Jane among my friends, family, and acquaintances, and I think I was blessed with adequate home training. 

I've often been told I should consult a stylist, because, for me, "comfortable black attire" and "singing engagement" go hand in hand, like peanut butter and jelly. 

You simply can't go wrong with black. 

Say "black", and you get a greater degree of compliance and uniformity within a group, than you would if you said "red". 

Say "red", and somebody is going to show up in pink, coral, orange, brown, or burgundy. 

Say "white" and you're going to get tan, beige, cream, or even yellow.

When they know they are going to be seen, photographed, or potentially land on Youtube, some people DO want to stand out, though.

They DO want to be different, and display their own individuality. 

When you leave people to their own tastes and devices, they are going to do what's appealing to them. 

In some groups, the clothing coordinator's job is to make sure people with vastly different body types, personalities, hair textures and colors, look like cookie cutters. Sadly, it ain't gonna happen. 

One person's style is not always going to be suitable for another person. Someone is not going to be happy. The person who is making the decisions, however, will ALWAYS be comfortable and pleased with the choice of attire, by virtue of the fact that THEY made it based upon their own likes, tastes, beliefs and preferences. Whatever THEY wear will ALWAYS be the standard. The rightness of what everyone else chooses to wear, will always be judged by the person who believes THEY know what is best.

The note in the email placed  emphasis on the attire of women. That tells me there may have been, or may STILL be a problem. 

Somebody apparently forgot they were going to a particular church. 

It tells me that someone has not been cooperating, and sees nothing wrong with their choice of attire. 

Someone is butting heads with the wardrobe coordinator. 

Maybe someone showed up, and caused the other women to rethink why they've conceded to dressing like dry oatmeal with no raisins, while the men among them, regularly sparkle and shine. 

Maybe someone showed up and attracted the attention of the wrong man. 

Perhaps, someone showed up, and challenged women to recheck their Bibles, to see whether or not the rules under which they were oppressed and stripped of their femininity, were actually biblical. 

Someone, sans-Spanx, probably wiggled and jiggled to the delight of someone with no self control, but not to the glory of God.

If it's come down to instructing adults about what to wear, and how to wear it, perhaps it's time for a shopping trip, for which the wardrobe police foot the entire bill. 

Maybe a modesty class is in order, or a fashion show. 

Perhaps it's time for a call to a good choir robe manufacturer. YEAH! A robe will solve everything. 

It will take care of cleavage, knees, ankles, bare arms, bare backs, hanging slips, exposed legs, trendy shoes, pantyhose runs, less than perfect bodies--EVERYTHING. 

Until the robes are delivered, maybe the choir should sing from the back of the church...in a loft...under their seats...behind a curtain...in the dark. 

Maybe the choir should only consist of men. 

Maybe the repeat offenders, who haven't figured out what "too tight" means, need to be addressed INDIVIDUALLY; face to face.

 

Maybe an organization should vet their guests first, and not invite anyone who just sings or plays well, but doesn't honor God, or who might disrespect or totally disregard its tenets concerning clothing. 

That would eliminate the need for sending emails containing notes like the one I received:

"Guest Singer and Artist Participation Protocols
Dress Code

•All attire for males and females should be modest and appropriate for entering the Throne Room of God. Clothing should not be a distraction to the congregation.

•No jewelry should be worn while ministering (except wedding bands).

•No pants are to be worn by any female guest while ministering.

•Even in more relaxed venues (like concerts) be mindful that you are entering into the Throne Room of a Holy God. Therefore dress appropriately!

Rules for all female ministers:

1) Skirts should be no shorter than reaching below the kneecap.

2) No T-strap shirts, strapless or thin sleeveless tops (cap sleeves are recommended)

3) Stockings should be worn however; if they are not (due to excessive heat) skirts should be longer than below the knee (calf-length).

4) Do not wear tight clothing while ministering (this also applies to the men).

5) Be mindful that you are above the crowd, clothing that looks appropriate in your mirror at home will look different from a higher angle.

6) Please wear make up modestly.

All male and female ministers:

1) Be mindful that you are entering the Presence of a Holy God please act and dress accordingly.

2) Be modest and tasteful with hair dos.

3) Do not wear tight clothing while ministering.

4) Refrain from ultra trendy attire that draws too much personal attention.

5) Dress church or casual church attire is appropriate.

Make sure that clothing or hairdos never makes YOU the focus of worship… GOD must always be the focus of our praise."

Well, alrightee, then.

#churchattire