'Be anxious for nothing..." ~Philippians 4:6

Sunday, January 9, 2011


I don't think some people hear themselves. "That's just the way I talk", or "That's just the way I am" are piss poor excuses for addressing others as if they are beneath you. When you confront bullies about their tone and attitude, you may be accused of being too sensitive. No you're not. You hear and listen very well. There are just some folk who think they have a right to be verbally abusive, insulting, harsh and critical. Everyone else is just supposed to shut up and deal with it. They talk at everyone. Attacking. Accusing. Belittling. Humiliating. What you will learn is that they cannot digest the venom they so easily and frequently dish out. Abusive people don't like abuse. What you will also learn is that they hate it when you refuse to engage them. No one has been brave enough, or have cared enough to confront them. Then wonder why they are alone.

Sometimes the mistreatment you endure has nothing to do with you. Many people are simply nursing very old, deep injuries to their hearts and minds. They've never figured out how to deal with their own unresolved issues. Lashing out at others is a symptom of a deeper problem--a problem that is not yours. Don't volunteer to be a punching bag. Verbal abuse hurts, too.
When you allow abuse of any kind the abuser begins to think it's acceptable to you, and perfect for you. It's normal. It's supposed to happen. You deserve it. Because of who they think they are, and how little they think of you, they feel no need to temper themselves, think before they speak, or consider the impact of their words. Maybe they need to feel powerful, important, or in control. Maybe addressing others with disrespect is an ego booster; or even amusing. Expect resistance if you refuse to take it. I mean, who are you to expect to be treated like a human being; to be addressed in a civil manner? It's amazing how bullies shrink, however, when you rise up and bark back. They become appalled. How dare you speak up? Oh, but you'd better. You don't even have to lose your Jesus card...or care about what they think. You get what you allow. Don't allow abuse, and don't deceive yourself into thinking there are big or little varieties. It's ALL foul.  If people don't know how to address you, it's better that they not speak to you at all--until, of course, they learn some manners. You shouldn't exist, whether at home or work, in a perpetual state of anxiety. 
If they want to talk to you ever again; if they want to engage you, they'll learn. No one has to put up with nasty, snarky, curt, rude, arrogant, pushy, intimidating words or behavior. No one should have to put up with abuse. No one.

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