MONDAY THOUGHTS: SOCIAL MEDIA

It was a little sad to see a fellow senior lamenting about paltry social media engagement, considering the number of “friends” they had.

We don’t all use social media for the same purposes, or in the same ways. 

For some it’s a diary; 

a journal; 

a place to vent; to consume content; to meet; 

it’s educational, fun, a distraction; 

a calendar; 

it’s informative; 

a way to advertise, promote, sell, or follow your favorite what, or whoever. 

For others, it’s how they keep up with, or meet family that’s scattered in various locales. 

Some folk just signed up because someone else told them to—just to claim their names—but they’re rarely online, as evidenced by the date of their last post.

Some folk don’t like, nor trust social media at all, and see it as a colossal, trouble-seeking waste of time. 

Others don’t get it, but want it, so they allow a “young person” to curate their sites. They never know what’s on there, unless someone tells them.

There’s no “That’s not what this is for!” mandate. People do and share what they want —wisely or foolishly; discretely or brazenly; abundantly or sparingly.

We all have options to engage, keep on scrolling, block, hide, unfriend, or snooze.

There ARE user responsibilities and rules of engagement, (We do forget, sometimes that we don’t own the apps we use), but most people aren’t on their walls and pages berating, monitoring, making demands of others time, spying, or supervising “friends” as if they’re employees on a clock. No one is ever obligated to use their apps the way someone else does, no matter how ferociously people try to impose their methods, and best practices. There’s no boss, although some people do appoint themselves as the posts, and comments police.

Everyone who has an account, isn’t necessarily active. You probably have “friends” you don’t even know. Remember in the early days, after we all migrated from MySpace? We were accepting everybody! Now, you scroll through your “friends” list, and see all of the accounts that are no longer active— or you wonder who the heck some of the people still there even are— and how do you even know them? Where did you meet them? Even the mutual friends list doesn’t offer a clue.

The number of “friends” you have is deceptive. It doesn’t indicate the number of genuinely supportive individuals who are in, nor interested in your life. Some could be bots…

 It’s morbid, but some “friends” have passed on. Unless you KNOW ‘em, know ‘em, you have to be extra careful with posting those annual, haphazard “Happy Birthdays” that get no “Thank You” in return — proving just how close you WEREN’T. 

We log on at different times, on different days, and for varying durations. We post, we edit, we share, and we even delete. There’s a little theft, too. (You know you didn’t take that picture. Give the photographer credit.) 

Even among family and close friends, our interests are vast. We miss stuff, sometimes—important or interesting stuff we would have loved, liked, wanted to hear, or attend, but, when people really want you to see or know something, they’ll reach out the old-fashioned way, for sure.

Engagement is a crap shoot. Don’t fret. Sometimes, “they” didn’t like or comment, not because they were being shady, or indifferent, but because they simply didn’t SEE the post. 

We have to remember, that even though social media occupies space in our lives, it isn’t the only thing, nor is it the most important thing. 

Not everyone is attached to their devices 24/7.

One’s high, misguided, or unreasonable expectations of others on social media platforms, and ignorance of how algorithms work, are often the sources of one’s own frustration, worry, offense, and disappointment. 

Lower your standards, check your assumptions, and use your platforms in a manner that appeals to you, and let others do the same…and if you’re concerned about why you don’t see or hear from that “friend”, call them, text them, write them a letter. That’s still a thing. Christmas is coming. Send them a card. But, don’t spend all of that time in your head, wondering why that “friend” or those “friends” aren’t engaging with you first.

Communication is a two-way street. You should use caution and manners, but you don’t have to sit and stew. Don’t create a false narrative about the motives or priorities of others. Offer grace. It’s possible that they CAN’T engage. They might NEED to hear from you, more than you (in, perhaps a bad mood, a vulnerable space, mourning, a weird, insensitive moment of entitlement, or bout of insecurity), demand or expect to hear from them. 

What if YOU reach out?

You don’t need an app for that.