SATURDAY THOUGHTS: ACCESS

There are times when the depth, strength, and extent of relationships reveal themselves. Although “friend” or “family” get tossed around a lot, in social circles, certain circumstances are windows into who’s genuinely who.

There’s nothing like a caregiving situation to do the sorting.

There is a reason why specific representatives are chosen to advocate for, and safeguard the interests and privacy of others. Perhaps, they have proven themselves to be discreet, sober, consistent, responsible, trustworthy, faithful, and efficient. They’ve not disqualified themselves by being loose-lipped, opportunistic, flighty, immature, or irrational. 

The only person who has to approve of a representative, is the responsible person who gave authority to him or her. Whether others don’t like, understand, or are baffled by one’s choice of representative, doesn’t matter. The representative’s only job is to carry out the duties, wishes, and wants of the person who chose them—not be the person, of course, but certainly act in their stead. 

The representative has to neither take orders from, entertain, please, kowtow, update, nor accommodate anyone else. Once delegated, however, the representative must remember that access is a privilege, not a right. Authority cannot be abused, transferred, mishandled, nor taken lightly. The more effective, or protective the representative, however, the more frustrated, resentful, and incredulous some people become.

In an attempt to bypass authority, people will seek out those who they believe are easy, gullible, or even disgruntled targets. They’ll query those who they think will have, or eagerly share confidential information. They lobby those who they hope can get them insider status. They will assume that certain others have, or should have more clout, authority, inside information, access, or connections than they do. 

“Let me call _________. Surely they know what’s going on.”, they say, only to come away with no more information, access, or leeway than they had in the first place.

Given their assumptions, about certain people’s places in the lives of those to whom they desire access, they look, in vain, to unauthorized people to help them circumvent boundaries, ignore rules, and lower bars. They expect clueless, totally disconnected people, to help them disrespect, override, or disregard the mechanisms and rules that were put in place.

If they have the close, strong relationship or lengthy history, they so often brag about, though, why don’t they have access? Why do they have to ask for information, favors, or permission from others? Further, why aren’t they already in the loop? Why don’t they know what’s going on? Why must they rely on secondhand information, or engage in speculation or gossip? Why aren’t they the chosen representative, or point of contact?

It’s so important to know the true nature of your relationships, whether personal or professional, and not confuse, misunderstand, nor conflate them. It’s unfortunate when a person finds that the relationship they thought they had with someone, was non-existent, lukewarm, one-sided, or purely transactional.