QUARANTINE LIFE: SATURDAY THOUGHTS --CONDOLENCES

Someone in my neighborhood passed away in September. I immediately felt sad when I heard. I knew their name, but we weren’t close at all. 

It’s the end of November, and a neighbor has been grieving. My condolences will be late, but I want to offer them just the same. 

Another, fairly new, “wave from a distance” variety neighbor was the one who shared the news at a community event last week. We laughed that we live on the same street, and had never formally met. We both chalked it up to Covid, and vowed to do better. 

As we talked, I realized (again) how the pandemic has impacted how we interact with others; how concerns for safety, have us keeping our distance, thinking long and hard about changes in routine, considering how, and with whom we share our spaces, and scurrying to our own corners when we’re just not sure. 

I thought of all the things I would have said or done, had I known. Would I have paid a visit? Would I have sent a card or flowers? Would I have masked up and attended the wake or funeral? 

I searched online for an obituary, and read about a long, wonderful, accomplished life, and a loving family. The funeral service is still available on the church’s Facebook page, but I didn’t watch. I tried to remember what I was even doing that day. Could I have gone, or have helped in some way?

I shared the loss with a friend. 

“Were you supposed to know? How were you supposed to know?” she asked. 

“I mean, what was the extent of the relationship? Best buddies, or polite, passing strangers? Compassion and empathy are understandable, but unless you’re in the business of minding other people’s business, there are lots of things that will take you by surprise. You only know now, because someone else told you. Now, you can decide what to do with the information, but you’re still no closer than you were before. The assumption that you knew, but just didn’t care, would be a bit of a stretch.”

Those words made me feel a little bit better, but they didn’t absolve me completely. I couldn’t help think back to how I perceived “neighbors” as a child. Everyone knew everyone else. Few major things happened that everyone didn’t know about, but then, there was no pandemic to keep everyone behind closed doors. 

I have to find a card… or make one.