QUARANTINE LIFE: VICARIOUS VICTORIES

I watched an episode of Judge Judy in which a seamstress was being sued. The seamstress was a woman of a certain age, and I imagined she’d been sewing for a very long time. 

In the end, the judge essentially told the plaintiff, “If you wanted the expensive dress in the picture, you should have gone to the store and bought THAT dress”.

The plaintiff tried to argue that she deserved her money back because she wasn’t happy with the final result, but the judge wasn’t having it. To the judge, labor mattered. 

Knowing that she was losing, the plaintiff continued to demean the seamstress and her work, but the emotional protests fell on deaf ears, and actually made her look silly. 

(It’s funny how quickly people will try to ruin a person’s reputation when they can’t get something for nothing.) 

I was glad the judge ruled in favor of the seamstress. When you've been engaged in an endeavor for a long time, you'll run across people whose only aim is to get over. It's best to discern these types sooner than later, and save yourself a lot of stress and time.

Dear Young Creatives, 

Don’t let your name become the first one that comes to mind when people are looking for someone to use or cheat. It’s often the people with the deepest pockets and biggest budgets who’ll see the value in every mediocre aspect of a thing, but will nickel and dime you concerning your contribution.

Be discerning. Sometimes, the best response to some requests is NO— no matter who’s making them. Having your time and resources wasted is not a favor. The least amount of stress surrounding what you love to do, the better. Your livelihood is not someone’s hobby to mishandle.

There will always be people asking, 

“Can you make it like_____,

bake it like_____, 

sing it like____,

build it like____, 

fix it like____, 

play it like____, 

do it like_____,

and they always want whatever "it" is to be perfect, but they don’t intend, or even think they should have to compensate like____. 

Once you consent to any task, expect some people to become relentless with their demands, changes, complaints, and add-ons as if they’re paying you top dollar. If they already think you're not worth what they're paying, they'll try their best to get more, and even try to make you think you owe it. (Be especially careful of those who try to conflate your faith or religion with the transaction. Don't worry. You can be paid adequately, fairly, and in a timely manner for what you do and God won't be offended.

Please, Young Creatives, determine to hone your business skills NOW. Sometimes, you have to remind people what you agreed to, and respect your own set boundaries. That may mean putting everything in writing. Contracts may seem cold, but they keep everyone honest. People with integrity--even if they're friends-- won’t be turned off by how conscientious and responsible you are about your business.

I believe you’ll be led when to volunteer or sow into one person, endeavor or another, but everything can’t be a favor. Everything can't be a hook up. You’ll be broke. Being hired and being manipulated are not the same thing, and "exposure" is not negotiable tender. Try paying your electric bill or car note with it. It won't work.

If the pandemic has done anything, it has revealed the methods, attitudes, opinions, wisdom, and habits of various people in your life. It's prompted you, perhaps to re-evaluate those relationships. 

Note who's salty because you didn't honor their pandemic requests. Note who expected you to let your guard down to participate in one thing or another. Note who's sidling up to you to get your contact list. Note who's trying to make you feel badly or jealous because someone else consented to doing what you refused-- for less than they're worth. Note who's decided that if the coronavirus ever disappears, and things get back to whatever normal was, that they'll never call on you again. Note the pre-pandemic business practices of the people with whom you've dealt, and ask yourself if you'll be missing anything at all if you never see them again. Will you resume benefits or burdens?

On the flip side, the pandemic has revealed those who do value what you have to offer; who do respect your time, energy, effort, and talent, and aren't trying to get a whole lot of something for nothing. Embrace, and be thankful for people of integrity, and don't look back.

People only get over on you repeatedly if you allow it. That can result in years of you beating up on yourself, and having less than you should based on the amount of work you've done. When the only thing you ever did was agree and try to help, you shouldn't be suffering, questioning your skill, or contemplating life choices. 

Don’t make a habit of being a pushover, and don’t apologize for knowing your worth. Don't be surprised when others see it, too.

Be fair and reasonable and remember that you deserve consideration, too.

You can be nice and still handle your business. 🙂