CAREGIVER DIARIES: EMPATHY

I hadn't seen a former, fellow choir member since 2002. She came to the hospital to visit someone else, and yet when her visit was done, she took the time to sit with, and encourage me.

 

She came back again after work the other day, and as I was about to leave for home, she asked me if I had eaten. 

There's a gift shop at the hospital, and I admit, I have had my fill of old-school candy. (Note to Self: Lemonhead is not a fruit, and Boston Baked Beans, though they are peanuts, aren't enough). 

She scoffed at my nutrition choices and reminded me that I needed to take care of myself. Not only did she treat me to a wonderful dinner, she insisted I order a meal to-go so that I wouldn't have to scrounge up a meal (or settle for popcorn) the next day. 

Did I say I haven't seen her since 2002?

It was so nice outside the day before yesterday, and another old friend (who DID bring popcorn and cranberry juice) encouraged me to take a walk with him around the hospital grounds. "You haven't been just sitting here, have you? You need to take breaks. It'll do you good", he said. 

The fresh air was great, and so was the exercise. Sometimes, you don't realize how long you've been sitting.

Last night, two other visitors made sure I met my catfish quota for the week. I appreciated the change of scenery and pleasant company. 

I was glad I didn't let my tiredness get the best of me.

What never ceases to impress me, is the manner in which former caregivers discern what you're going through, and offer the best company, advice, and listening ears. They truly understand. Even the little things they do and say make a giant difference.

Two friends whose fathers have recently passed away, and one whose father is having similar challenges as mine, have phoned practically every day to make sure I'm okay. Even as they grieve, they still take the time to reach out. 

They've all said, "I can't say I know exactly what you're going through, but I have an idea. Just wanted to make sure you were getting rest and taking care of yourself."

It's nice when a caregiver hears, "Do you need anything? Is there anything I can do for you?", as opposed to yet another 

stupid question, 

thoughtless comment, 

snarky remark, 

uninformed recommendation, 

insensitive demand, 

unfounded criticism, 

selfish, poorly-timed request, 

bizarre accusation, 

or clueless suggestion. 

You get the feeling, sometimes, that some people think you are obligated to be at their beck and call, or that you are, in addition to being a caregiver, their employee. I contend that when people care; if they really want to know what is happening; if they really want to lend a hand, they'll show up, and don't mind getting their hands dirty.

  

Susie Owens was right. "Celebrate those who celebrate you". 

No one can use that advice like a caregiver. 

It's time to say goodbye those who seek to burden and overwhelm you, and hello to those who recognize the need for their assistance, consideration and compassion-- and graciously demonstrate it.

#Godwilltakecareofyou