WEDNESDAY THOUGHTS: THE NUISANCE

I just shook my head at each frantic attempt to get my attention.  She wanted a confrontation--maybe not a combative one, but a confrontation nonetheless. She even bumped me as a group of us were walking out of a store. Although there was no reason for her to be so close to me, and there was plenty of room on the sidewalk, I didn't pay it any mind until she giggled nervously and said, "Excuse me". 

"For what?" I turned and asked. "I bumped into you". "No problem" I said as I continued my conversation. 

It would have been annoying if it hadn't been so sad. Her next ploy was to find a seat near me, and begin loud-talking to a mutual friend. There was much that she wanted everyone within earshot to know, but the chatter and laughter of the conversation I was having with two friends, spared me the details. She kept getting louder, though. 

When my conversation ended, I donned my ear buds. I couldn't have cared less about anything she was rattling on about, but I did care whether I was doing damage to my eardrums. Significant volume was needed to drown her out.

"Take notes", something told me. I try to listen to that voice in my head when it insists there's something to learn-- or another view to consider that I've overlooked. 

"When a person's presence is not necessary for the execution of the principal thing, although they insist on being on the scene, they will often make a nuisance of themselves. They'll announce their presence. "I'm here now!”, as if everyone should prepare to witness some miracle. They will be frustrated that you or others don't acknowledge or consort with them. They'll find a way to infiltrate your space; be distracting; commandeer conversations; parrot you; and give themselves a job. They want the power, importance, and connection of a principal player, but they'll never obtain it. What they bring to the table, though it may be fitting in another arena, it is moot in this space. 

Think about it. You had, and have a job to do. Your absence would be, and would have been felt had you not shown up. It would have facilitated a scramble for a last minute replacement. Her absence wouldn't change the outcome of anything. Since she obviously wants you to see her, though, go ahead and look. Look deeply. Notice the indifference, ridicule, and disrespect she gets--and yet she nervously laughs it off. Her envy is palatable, and if she thought she could slap you and get away with it, she would. She despises your competence, is baffled by your faithfulness, and has been hoping you would fail--or quit. She has been the architect and instigator of a lot of the difficulty you have faced, and is incensed that you're still here. Notice how she perks up and is defensive—and even annoyed—whenever you speak, move, or are acknowledged? Notice how she tries to find some fault, just to have something to contribute. In this space, she is insignificant. She doesn't really want to be here, and the principal thing bores and intimidates her, but you're here. She could care less about the principal thing. She has to keep tabs on you. All that her preening and hovering does, is bring her insecurity to the forefront. She is doing nothing to improve the territory, she is simply marking it. She is constantly giving and making excuses, making wise cracks, self-deprecating comments, taking cheap shots, and tolerating pain. Her carrying on doesn't inspire envy in you, or deserve attention from you--which is her desired outcome. It's almost painful to look, isn't it? Keep looking. If she knew how much you pitied her right now, she'd stop all of that scheming, competing, cackling, busyness, and loud-talking and go somewhere and sit down. A mess isn't it? 

Now, make sure that you never find yourself in her shoes. 
1. Be clear about your motives, choices, and decisions. 
2. Remain faithful and don't surrender your responsibility. 
3. Be realistic about your expectations of others, particularly if they've already shown you who they are. 
4. Always be honest about your relationships. Don't confuse them.
5. Know your lane and stay in it. 
6. Go where you are wanted and celebrated, and celebrate those who celebrate you. 
7. Never dumb down to appease an insecure individual. 
8. Never inject yourself where you aren't needed or effective. 
9. Never inflate your importance to impress anyone. 
10. Recognize and respect boundaries--those of others, as well as your own. Don't pretend you can tolerate what you can't.
11. Never have to guess who your allies are. 
12. Don't think you always have to respond. Although silence is a response, sometimes it's the best thing to embrace. 
13. Not everything or everyone deserves your time or attention.
14. Don't offer information you haven't been asked. No one cares.
15. Being preoccupied with what's going on in the other cars will ensure that you won't enjoy your ride.
16. Don't entertain toxic people no matter who they are. 
17. Stay the course.