CAREGIVER DIARIES: VETERANS' DAY

There will be lots of programs today. 

Veterans, and the families of veterans, will be expected to show up for them.

In the case of aging or ailing vets, I wonder if the program committees, and chairpersons consider what the vets yesterdays entailed--or do they even care?

Have they any clue what it's going to take for veterans and families to be present? 

Have they considered what it’s going to take to transport vets to, and from home, or to and from nursing or assisted living facilities? Have those arrangements been made? Are the venues accessible?

What will the veterans come away from the programs with? 

Will they ride home with some hastily ordered, plastic, generic plaque, pin, or trophy, that pales in comparison to the medals they already possess? 

Will they be surrounded by flowers that make them sneeze, or served food they can’t eat?

Will they remember the applause and platitudes of people who never so much as phoned at any time, during the rest of the year,  to see if they needed a ride to an appointment, a haircut, a manicure, a loaf of bread, or just someone to talk to?

Programs....ugh.

You don't get to make extra work for others, or demands of their time, resources, and energy if they don't work for you. Chances are, there’s already a lot on their plates. 

Discerning people know what to expect of caregivers, the ailing, and aged. 

They don't make demands, they try to ease the load. They help. They know what is pressing, critical, and necessary, and what's not. 

If more people knew what a caregiver's day entailed with their caree, they'd stop being so pushy, demanding, insensitive and rude. 

"It's Veterans Day, and we honored him/her, and he/she didn't even show up”, the inconsiderate complain.

"It's Saturday, you jerk. 

He had major surgery twice this week. She had a bad night last night.

I don't recall seeing you at the hospital, or ever for that matter. Forgive me if your tacky program wasn’t exactly a priority.”

Caregivers are the best to decide what goes on their schedules, and where their presence is most needed.

It is always a caregiver's choice to make another person's agenda or program a priority, but what he, or she decides is worthy of attention and time, will always be more important than anything someone else has planned--no matter what or who it's about.

No one gets to decide how much a caregiver cares about, or appreciates their loved one, or client.

The strength of relationships is not based upon what others think, or whether you show up for something someone else threw together, to make a profit, score points, fill time, or make themselves appear to have done something significant.

You don't ever have to help anyone honor someone who you already honor each and every day. 

You don't have to tell anyone anything about the person they want to honor, because they should know all about someone they truly love and appreciate, shouldn't they? 

If they don't, it is an indication of how little time they actually spent with the person. (If one would sit and talk with a veteran, one would be surprised by the wealth of information he or she is willing to share. But, of course, that takes time.)

No one gets to dictate when or where you celebrate anyone. The people you love and honor know it, because it has been consistently demonstrated over time. You have history.

The love and respect is between you and your loved one, and needs no cosigning or stamp of approval from anyone else. 

It's funny how people scramble to make the Kodak moments count. That's what's important to them, but what about every other moment of every other day, when so much is needed? 

What about those midnight hours, when extra hands would have really made a difference in the life of an ailing, aging, or disabled veteran?

Many simply want to be seen. "Look at what I did! Isn't it great?" 

But did it amount to anything? 

Many want to be recognized and complimented for demonstrating appreciation, honor, and respect for others on special days, but that's where their interest, enthusiasm, and efforts stop. They are woefully missing, silent, unwilling, preoccupied, too busy, distant, and strangely indifferent when those special days are over.

Caring is not a game, a production, a gig, or a competition. It’s not temporary or seasonal. 

#veteransday

#caregivers