There's a difference between knowing who you can depend upon, and knowing who you can take advantage of.
Users don't have to be responsible, prudent, or thrifty if they're banking on the fact that you are.
Maybe you've had a bad habit of sharing a bit too freely how deep your pockets are, or how much time you have.
Users don't have to burden their family members, or circle of friends because they expect you to always come to the rescue.
If you do, or always have and suddenly find yourself lacking, whose fault is that?
Whether you see the light today or tomorrow, the principal thing is that you see it, and correct what's out of order. Speak up. Put your foot down. Stop the gravy train. Assume control of your circumstances. Be firm and consistent. Be kinder to yourself. Hopefully, it's not too late. Hopefully, your denial concerning the motives of some of the people in your life, hasn't caused tension or grief in what were, are, or could be your genuine relationships.
Some people visit their dilemmas on you as if you created them, and fully expect you to bail them out every time they have a crisis. That's the problem, though. Everything with them is a crisis. If they have a patsy; a human meal ticket in you, it's because that's what you've taught them that you will be. They have no problem carelessly using up their resources because when their wells run dry, they know that all they have to do is tell yet another sob story. Notice that they'll never bother to ask how you are, or if you need anything. Be mindful of those habitual line-crossers who think that what's yours is theirs.
Some people have no problem brazenly using and promising your time, services, and resources--because, again, you've taught them that it's okay. You've bent over backward to accommodate them; you've never pushed back. You've neglected your own interests and have ignored your own deficits in order to accommodate them. You've always indulged, humored, and catered to them. Now, they think you should be responsible for them-- and everything and everyone concerning them, and why shouldn't they, since you've normalized or ignored their inconsideration, entitlement, and selfishness?
It's nothing for them to commit you and your resources without even asking you about your availability or hardship. They don't care. They simply want what they want, and if you've been a coward (or a sucker), your sudden desire to no longer be so, will shock them. Your growth of a backbone will be devastating to them. They have a pattern of disregarding you, your space, your opinion, your family, your condition, and most of all, your "no", and they do it because you've demonstrated that it was okay. You created that monster. Their arrogance is so blatant it's scary, but they've perfected it so much so, that, if you didn't know better, you'd think they were doing YOU a favor by only calling you every time they needed or wanted something. They never give, always take, and no matter what your situation, they expect that to continue. You created that monster, and just like every good cinema monster, if they're allowed to continue, it's not long before they're terrorizing not only you, but those closest to you.
Giving is a wonderful, honorable thing, but don't be a fool.
Pay close attention to people who get angry when you don't allow them to manipulate you. Note those who pout and switch up on you when they can't persuade you to change your mind concerning their hair-brained schemes. And for God's sake don't fall for that "You're supposed to be a Christian" jazz. It's a trap!
If you ARE a Christian, it's because of God's grace; it's because of what Christ has done and your acceptance of it, and faith in it. Your Christianity is not predicated on whether you knuckle under, roll over, or cave in to manipulative people. Your Christianity is not dependent on you being at the beck and call of people who care more about what you can do for them, than they care for you as an individual.
Don't allow anyone to amend the end of John 3:16 in your Bible with "...as long as you cater to me and my wishes."
No one has the right to decide what else goes onto your already full plate except you. Their drama is not your emergency. If your respect for the boundaries you've set means certain relationships are over, so be it.
Some people are deliriously happy as long as you say "Yes", overextend yourself, disregard your own needs and wants, and allow them to run roughshod over you.
Decide that today is a new day.
Know who the genuine people are in your life. You can see them more clearly when you weed out those who have been laboring under the misapprehension that you somehow owe them, and that their affairs should matter more to you than your own.
It is, unfortunately, your fault when you allow certain people unreasonable access into your life. However, "better late than never" applies to so many scenarios, including the one where you refuse to apologize for, or erase the necessary boundaries you've carefully drawn.
Whether you see the light today or tomorrow, the principal thing is that you see it, and correct what's out of order. Speak up. Put your foot down. Stop the gravy train. Assume control of your circumstances. Be firm and consistent. Be kinder to yourself. Hopefully, it's not too late. Hopefully, your denial concerning the motives of some of the people in your life, hasn't caused tension or grief in what were, are, or could be your genuine relationships.
Some people visit their dilemmas on you as if you created them, and fully expect you to bail them out every time they have a crisis. That's the problem, though. Everything with them is a crisis. If they have a patsy; a human meal ticket in you, it's because that's what you've taught them that you will be. They have no problem carelessly using up their resources because when their wells run dry, they know that all they have to do is tell yet another sob story. Notice that they'll never bother to ask how you are, or if you need anything. Be mindful of those habitual line-crossers who think that what's yours is theirs.
Some people have no problem brazenly using and promising your time, services, and resources--because, again, you've taught them that it's okay. You've bent over backward to accommodate them; you've never pushed back. You've neglected your own interests and have ignored your own deficits in order to accommodate them. You've always indulged, humored, and catered to them. Now, they think you should be responsible for them-- and everything and everyone concerning them, and why shouldn't they, since you've normalized or ignored their inconsideration, entitlement, and selfishness?
It's nothing for them to commit you and your resources without even asking you about your availability or hardship. They don't care. They simply want what they want, and if you've been a coward (or a sucker), your sudden desire to no longer be so, will shock them. Your growth of a backbone will be devastating to them. They have a pattern of disregarding you, your space, your opinion, your family, your condition, and most of all, your "no", and they do it because you've demonstrated that it was okay. You created that monster. Their arrogance is so blatant it's scary, but they've perfected it so much so, that, if you didn't know better, you'd think they were doing YOU a favor by only calling you every time they needed or wanted something. They never give, always take, and no matter what your situation, they expect that to continue. You created that monster, and just like every good cinema monster, if they're allowed to continue, it's not long before they're terrorizing not only you, but those closest to you.
Giving is a wonderful, honorable thing, but don't be a fool.
Pay close attention to people who get angry when you don't allow them to manipulate you. Note those who pout and switch up on you when they can't persuade you to change your mind concerning their hair-brained schemes. And for God's sake don't fall for that "You're supposed to be a Christian" jazz. It's a trap!
If you ARE a Christian, it's because of God's grace; it's because of what Christ has done and your acceptance of it, and faith in it. Your Christianity is not predicated on whether you knuckle under, roll over, or cave in to manipulative people. Your Christianity is not dependent on you being at the beck and call of people who care more about what you can do for them, than they care for you as an individual.
Don't allow anyone to amend the end of John 3:16 in your Bible with "...as long as you cater to me and my wishes."
No one has the right to decide what else goes onto your already full plate except you. Their drama is not your emergency. If your respect for the boundaries you've set means certain relationships are over, so be it.
Some people are deliriously happy as long as you say "Yes", overextend yourself, disregard your own needs and wants, and allow them to run roughshod over you.
Decide that today is a new day.
Know who the genuine people are in your life. You can see them more clearly when you weed out those who have been laboring under the misapprehension that you somehow owe them, and that their affairs should matter more to you than your own.
It is, unfortunately, your fault when you allow certain people unreasonable access into your life. However, "better late than never" applies to so many scenarios, including the one where you refuse to apologize for, or erase the necessary boundaries you've carefully drawn.
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