Mind those people who, from the comfort of their homes, sit back and evaluate your situation, and determine that you don't have enough to do--for them.
When people don't have a sober grasp of what your purpose is, or what your responsibilities involve, they'll assume you have time, space, resources, and energy to do their jobs, too.
They will grossly underestimate your value, as well as the worth of what they want you to do.
You can tell by the offers they make--offers they think you should jump at-- when trying to manipulate you into agreeing to take on their stuff.
They've already filled up your calendar, and have decided that you won't mind.
They've already filled up your calendar, and have decided that you won't mind.
They've figured out how they're going to saddle you with their stuff, and even try to convince you that you'll like it.
"Oh, it won't take a lot of time",
"Oh, I won't be gone long",
"Oh, it won't be a problem.
All you have to do is..."
Some people don't even have a grasp of what their own primary responsibilities involve. It's obvious because they're always trying to find ways to abandon them, and pawn them off on someone else. To them, you appear to be free and unencumbered. You don't have anything pressing to do--except be a caregiver, right?
Some people actually think you're just sitting on your behind all day, and should be able to pick up the slack that they create.
Some people don't even have a grasp of what their own primary responsibilities involve. It's obvious because they're always trying to find ways to abandon them, and pawn them off on someone else. To them, you appear to be free and unencumbered. You don't have anything pressing to do--except be a caregiver, right?
Some people actually think you're just sitting on your behind all day, and should be able to pick up the slack that they create.
Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Caregiving is not a hobby.
People who have a servant's heart, have to be very careful not to allow themselves to be used up.
Someone armed with an agenda, will figure out how to manipulate everyone in their circle, in order to put their needs and wants first.
People who have a servant's heart, have to be very careful not to allow themselves to be used up.
Someone armed with an agenda, will figure out how to manipulate everyone in their circle, in order to put their needs and wants first.
They
will suck up, and pretend to be concerned, as long as there is a payoff
for them.
When people are no longer useful to them, they move on to the next
patsy.
They feel that they are more important that anyone else, and that their
plans, time, schedule, activities, and position take precedence over
anything that others have to do. To them, someone with two broken legs would be an awesome babysitter. They aren't going anywhere, right?
Unless self-centered people are confronted or shocked with a "No", they will continue to disregard, and be insensitive to the needs of everyone around them.
A selfish person will try to con others into doing things that they hadn't even planned; impose and make demands upon the limited time and resources of others, and add to the workloads of others rather than detract from them.
They will see the severity, stress, and chaos of a situation, and still and figure out a way to get others to pay attention to what they need done.
They won't offer solutions or alternatives that will benefit anyone, other than themselves.
They won't allow themselves to be at a disadvantage. They will take resources away from a situation where they are needed most.
They won't be inconvenienced or put upon.
They won't sacrifice, or suffer a loss, but they don't mind if others overextend themselves.
They aren't interested in helping others help them.
If there's any sacrificing going on, they won't be doing it.
If they are ever inconvenienced, expect them to be very angry about it.
Ask something of them, and they will always have an excuse. They can't.
Ask something of them, and they will always have an excuse. They can't.
They never have time.
Forget about them reciprocating.
They aren't going to change their plans, go out of their way, or alter their schedules, even if there's no impediment to them lending a hand.
They have already decided what their time and resources are worth, and they are exponentially more valuable to them than yours could ever be to you. That's why, to them, you should always be eager about helping them.
After all, you aren't important, and you certainly don't have anything important to do.
A self-centered person will even figure out how to use an actual emergency involving someone else, to obtain something for themselves.
A self-centered person will even figure out how to use an actual emergency involving someone else, to obtain something for themselves.
They will make a mountain out of a
molehill, and rope a genuinely concerned person into a situation that
didn't require their presence or input at all. While everyone else is focusing on
the mountain they created, the selfish person has rolled out and left their responsibilities for others to manage.
They always prove by their absence or inconsistency, that they could
care less about the very thing they think demands the presence and attention of everyone else.
Selfish people don't care about the expense that others have to incur to attend to their needs, but have a big problem incurring even the smallest expense to help someone else.
Selfish people don't care about the expense that others have to incur to attend to their needs, but have a big problem incurring even the smallest expense to help someone else.
If they do go into their pockets, it's to cover their insensitivity, negligence and arrogance.
If they pay for something, they want credit for it. They even want credit for the stuff they are supposed to do; stuff that is right, fair and reasonable for them to do!
They will see how full another person's plate is, and still dump stuff on to it.
They just want what they want, when they want it. Everything they do is for show, a pat on the back, or to give the impression that they are engaged, concerned, or present.
They pretend to contribute, and pretend
to work. When they've shown their faces, and when their audience is gone, so are they.
They will make plans, and then at the last minute make some desperate plea to guilt others into helping them, or getting them out of binds and conflicts. If they could dump all of their unpleasant responsibilities onto unsuspecting others so that they can pursue what they want to do, they would.
They will make plans, and then at the last minute make some desperate plea to guilt others into helping them, or getting them out of binds and conflicts. If they could dump all of their unpleasant responsibilities onto unsuspecting others so that they can pursue what they want to do, they would.
They have business, but are characterized more by their busyness, which causes them to so easily abandon the things that should truly demand their time and attention.
Don't expect them to volunteer, even when they're not busy. To them, their free time is theirs, and so is yours.
They're missing that thoughtfulness piece.
Their selfishness causes them to throw what should be the most important people and things, onto the to-do lists of others.
They haven't been at a single caregiver rehearsal, but they still think they should be the star of the caregiver show when they do show up to make an appearance.
They haven't been at a single caregiver rehearsal, but they still think they should be the star of the caregiver show when they do show up to make an appearance.
You can always tell how out of touch they are, by what they say, and what they choose to contribute when they do make a contribution. It will be inappropriate, unsuitable, and sometimes a colossal waste. They think everything should be about them and get offended when they are corrected, schooled, asked to step aside, or defer to those who actually know what they are doing.
Self-centered people don't want to do the hard work. They don't want the job, but if there is some perk on the job to which they feel entitled, or that they don't think another person deserves, they will endeavor to micromanage, supervise, sow seeds of discord, and undermine the work.
There's no equity in a selfish person's mind concerning others. There's no sincere giving. They give to get. They give to be recognized. They do and give what they think others should appreciate; what they think others deserve, but never bother to ask, nor do they care what others actually want. They don't care about what is appropriate, healthy or useful. Their giving is an afterthought, a bartering chip, or a bribe.
If you find you've been hoodwinked into always doing the bidding and dirty work of a selfish person, eventually you may feel used and foolish. When that feeling comes, it's okay. Don't beat yourself up, but don't ignore or minimize it ever again. Some habits need to be broken, particularly those that involve you allowing others to usurp your time and disregard your needs.
People do what you allow, and some people are good for only showing up when they need something. They don't even ask if you're tired, overwhelmed, or burdened. They don't care. Don't declare that someone's selfishness, imposing or demanding ways are alright when they aren't. Stop complaining about it to others and address them. If you don't want to do something, speak up and say that you don't. Stop allowing others to distract you with their agendas. You do have that right. Put your commitments and responsibilities back at the top of your list. Only then--only when you are clear in mind, well, and rested, can you truly be of assistance to others.
Caregiving can be all-consuming. Stop saying "Yes" to other people's demands when you know you're going to be overwhelmed or regret it. Set boundaries, dust off your discernment, and practice saying "No". There are times to give and sacrifice, but sometimes, you have to let people know that what they had in mind for you to do--what they decided you ought to be able or happy to do for them-- was nowhere on your radar.
Stop allowing people to order, bully, stifle, hinder, strand, constrain, confine, and bind you while they are free to do whatever they want. Stop allowing people to relegate you to their background. Re-establish what is important to you. Stop allowing self-absorbed people to make their superficial needs and wants more important than your legitimate ones.
Prepare your own plate with what will nourish you, and decide when it is full, no matter what someone else thinks you need to add to it that will satisfy them. If it's on your plate, you should know it's there, plan for it to be there, want it there, like it, and get to enjoy it. It shouldn't choke, disgust, or make extra work for you.
Your plans, agenda, and time are valuable, too.
Self-centered people don't want to do the hard work. They don't want the job, but if there is some perk on the job to which they feel entitled, or that they don't think another person deserves, they will endeavor to micromanage, supervise, sow seeds of discord, and undermine the work.
There's no equity in a selfish person's mind concerning others. There's no sincere giving. They give to get. They give to be recognized. They do and give what they think others should appreciate; what they think others deserve, but never bother to ask, nor do they care what others actually want. They don't care about what is appropriate, healthy or useful. Their giving is an afterthought, a bartering chip, or a bribe.
If you find you've been hoodwinked into always doing the bidding and dirty work of a selfish person, eventually you may feel used and foolish. When that feeling comes, it's okay. Don't beat yourself up, but don't ignore or minimize it ever again. Some habits need to be broken, particularly those that involve you allowing others to usurp your time and disregard your needs.
People do what you allow, and some people are good for only showing up when they need something. They don't even ask if you're tired, overwhelmed, or burdened. They don't care. Don't declare that someone's selfishness, imposing or demanding ways are alright when they aren't. Stop complaining about it to others and address them. If you don't want to do something, speak up and say that you don't. Stop allowing others to distract you with their agendas. You do have that right. Put your commitments and responsibilities back at the top of your list. Only then--only when you are clear in mind, well, and rested, can you truly be of assistance to others.
Caregiving can be all-consuming. Stop saying "Yes" to other people's demands when you know you're going to be overwhelmed or regret it. Set boundaries, dust off your discernment, and practice saying "No". There are times to give and sacrifice, but sometimes, you have to let people know that what they had in mind for you to do--what they decided you ought to be able or happy to do for them-- was nowhere on your radar.
Stop allowing people to order, bully, stifle, hinder, strand, constrain, confine, and bind you while they are free to do whatever they want. Stop allowing people to relegate you to their background. Re-establish what is important to you. Stop allowing self-absorbed people to make their superficial needs and wants more important than your legitimate ones.
Prepare your own plate with what will nourish you, and decide when it is full, no matter what someone else thinks you need to add to it that will satisfy them. If it's on your plate, you should know it's there, plan for it to be there, want it there, like it, and get to enjoy it. It shouldn't choke, disgust, or make extra work for you.
Your plans, agenda, and time are valuable, too.
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