CAREGIVER DIARIES: BOUNDARIES MAKE FOR GOOD DAYS

There is an AARP card in my wallet-- and in the wallets of two of my three siblings. 

I am amazed that at 55, individuals are STILL trying to tattle on us, and sow seeds of discord in my immediate family. 

It really is old--57 years-old to be exact-- and the busybodies and their offspring SHOULD be tired by now.

Messy folk usually run out of steam when you simply refuse to entertain them, but then, ignoring some people only makes them look for ways to be MORE annoying. 

The more noise they make, however, the more you appreciate the ability to find and enjoy peace, in spite of it. 

The more they try to puff themselves up, the more their weakness and insecurity shows. 

Perhaps you should be angry, but all you can manage to summon is pity. 

A wise person told me "Many people are frustrated because their schemes failed."

Sophia A. Nelson wrote, "You teach people how to treat you, with how you treat you--period. 

If you don’t have healthy boundaries; if you don’t rest; if you don’t take care of yourself, people pick-up on this, and they will take advantage of you. 

You have to let people know that you honor yourself, and that if they come in your space causing lots of rancor, or seeking to drain you, you will cut them off quickly".

Amen, Sister Sophia.

 
I believe in redemption, reconciliation, forgiveness, and second chances, but sometimes, people's words and actions require that they be excused, if not banned from your life. 

You can love them with the Love of the Lord, but He's going to have to deal with them. 

Even if you only have to be exposed to divisive spirits for two days, history tells you that's 47 hours, 59 minutes and 30 seconds too long.

I made a conscious effort to distance myself from the exhausting drama that a few people consistently bring. I had to acknowledge that I was tired, not feel guilty about it, and take a break. 

It was the best favor I could do for myself. 

Yesterday and today were certified good days. 

No. They were great. 

From sunup to sundown, my days were spent in the company of kind, loving, positive, encouraging individuals. When we parted, I felt energized and happy. 

If I don't make it a habit, I'm going to punch my own self in the face.

At the end of a good day, there may be a hiccup, but it's just that. It won't hijack your joy. Joy is priceless! When informed of today's potential hiccup, I thought about that line from "The Help" : "Ain't you tired, Miss Hilly? Ain't you tired?", and I continued to disengage. 

Some people aren't tired of being divisive and hateful. Either they're too comfortable with being so, or they don't know any other way to be. 

They flock together, and you're their intended target, but you don't have to sit for target practice. Bump that!

Maybe you didn't have any control over who had access to you as a kid. Maybe people who should have, didn't protect you from the drama that others regularly brought. Maybe they were too cowardly or inattentive, or too busy participating in, and encouraging the drama to nip it in the bud, but if you're like me, twenty-one was several birthdays ago. You can stand up and speak for yourself. 

You have a choice about the company you keep.

 
On one hand, there's being polite and hospitable. 

If you had a mother like mine, that was not negotiable. You smiled through a lot because you knew it was temporary. 

On the other hand, there's being a receptacle for the toxicity with which people hope to inundate you. That's not hospitality. That's stupid. 

Take your pick. Choosing your peace of mind over subjecting yourself to the obnoxious antics of abrasive people, won't cost you any Jesus points. Jesus knows they need him, and he is willing to aid them. His sacrifice was quite sufficient. You don't have to help out. Get down off of that makeshift cross. It is not a good look. 

You pray that, one day, the hearts of mean-spirited people will change, but in the interim, you channel your inner Doberman, and guard your heart and your space. 

What some folk need to realize is that not everyone is going to tolerate them, and you have moved your peace-loving self to the top of that list.

There's always a word for the situation: 

  
 "Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity. For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb." ~Psalm 37:1-2

Whew! It's been a really GOOD day! I can't say it enough.

A change of scenery works wonders.

Refusing to entertain foolishness does, too...: )