CAREGIVER DIARIES: WHO'S TALKING?

Bible passages are so replete with wisdom. The parallels to every day life are staggering.

"Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?” The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.’” The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! “For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." ~Genesis 3:1-5

Eve had it made in Eden. She didn't have to lift a finger. The serpent made her skeptical of just how good she had it, and mistrust God-- someone who'd never, ever deceived or mistreated her.
Dummy.

Many ailing and elderly people are just like Eve. 

They're blessed with caring individuals who sacrifice for them, attend to them, and make provisions for them to remain in their own, familiar, safe environments. Among their acquaintances, and even family members, however, are subtle, manipulative creatures who are enviously watching from the sidelines--and they have a lot to say. 

Perhaps they have no one. Perhaps they can't depend on, or trust their own loved ones. Perhaps they've burned bridges, or have been so unbearable, that their loved ones don't answer when they call. 

Don't let their issues make you turn on your family.

Envious people will always have issues with those who have what they don't, and will endeavor to destroy or usurp it.
Opportunists and users detest vigilant caregivers,  because they are perceived as blockers of the access and resources that they once enjoyed. 

Ailing people and seniors are susceptible to snakes who are jealous that they are cared for, financially stable, and able to remain in their own homes. Those snakes are relentless with their meddling. They're hoping that, like the serpent in the garden, they can inspire doubt. They're hoping that seniors will confront, accuse, mistrust, alienate and sever ties with those who have never done anything except love, assist and advocate for them. 

Seniors, if you've got someone waiting on you hand and foot 24/7, don't let some depressed, lonely imp, be it sister, brother, or friend keep whispering in your ear and telling you what you don't need, and shouldn't have. 

Look around. Are you well nourished each day, and well coiffed and groomed and pressed? 

Is your home and environment kept tidy, obstacle free, and clean? What about your clothing and bedding? 

Can you get where you need to go? 

Do you never have to worry about fending for yourself, or being alone? 

At critical times, was someone always there? 

If you need or want ANYTHING,is there someone right there to provide it? 

When you don't feel like doing something for yourself, is there someone willing to do it for you? 

Is the atmosphere in your home pleasant? 

Do you have a willing, unpaid, conscientious, trustworthy caregiver? Are you free from worry about your caregiver stealing from you or mismanaging your resources, or tearing up your home?  

If you answered "yes", then don't be a fool and get sucked in by someone who wishes they were in your shoes. 

Don't let people who don't have your back cause you to mistreat those who do. 

 Listening to the advice and warnings of someone who, can't and won't help you, but is forever instigating, making you anxious, getting you upset, and scheming to wreck your relationships, is asinine. 

When you were alone and struggling where were these snakes? 

 When you called out for help, who responded? 

Don't be like Eve. 

“When the time came for Elizabeth to have her child, she gave birth to a son. Her neighbors and relatives heard that the Lord had shown her great mercy, and they rejoiced with her. On the eighth day, when they came to circumcise the child, they were going to name him after his father Zechariah. But his mother replied, “No! He shall be called John.” They said to her, “There is no one among your relatives who bears this name.” So they made signs to his father to inquire what he wanted to name the child. Zechariah asked for a tablet and wrote, “His name is John.” And they were all astonished.  Immediately Zechariah’s mouth was opened and his tongue was released, and he began to speak, praising God. All their neighbors were filled with awe, and people throughout the hill country of Judea were talking about these events.  And all who heard this wondered in their hearts and asked, “What then will this child become?” For the Lord’s hand was with him.” ~Luke 1:57-66

I have never read this passage of scripture like I read it today. 

As a caregiver, I’ve found that the greatest difficulty has not been as a result of the illness and aging of a loved one, or the daily chores to maintain a home, but the busybodies who have tried (and are still trying) to assert themselves into family decisions. 

I have never met such imposing, messy, nosy, inconsiderate people in my life. For some reason, they think they can bulldoze their way into areas they don’t belong; micromanage, and make suggestions that will benefit and satisfy themselves. 

I can’t imagine behaving so rudely and inappropriately. 

It is so true. People do what they’re allowed to do. 

When spurred on by perceived authority, permission, or responsibility, people can be absolutely annoying and relentless. 

One must wonder if the leeway one has been given is premature, unauthorized, or poorly motivated. 

Someone can give you the all clear to trample over their lives, but don’t dare think that invitation is transferable.

You do have to wonder what people are being told, and why they behave the way they do. Who are they taking their marching orders from? Where are they getting their information? What is that makes people so determined to act? 

Just because someone may have told you that you could, doesn’t mean that you can. A good way to get one’s feelings hurt is to inject oneself where one doesn’t belong; to ignore or disregard those one doesn’t feel are important or relevant.

In the scripture, Elizabeth, the one who had just given birth, the wife of Zechariah, made a decision. It was a decision she and her husband had every right to make, and it shouldn’t have been questioned. The neighbors and friends didn’t conceive or deliver the baby. They weren’t tasked with feeding, nurturing, cleaning up after, teaching, or financing the baby. Where did they get off thinking they could name him? 

Only an empowered busybody would have had the nerve to dismiss Elizabeth’s words concerning her own child. 

Busybodies who clearly had no respect for her, thought they could overrule her; go over her head; pit her against her husband; cause a rift by discounting her decision and asking him to publicly embarrass her. 

Based on their actions, her decision wasn’t good enough. They had a better idea. Her decision didn’t make sense to them. They were sure that Zechariah would side with them against his wife. Then they had the nerve to question not only WHO, but WHAT he would be as a result of the decision that Elizabeth and Zechariah made. 

What did they think? John would be a failure? 

Unsuccessful? 

A flop?

Imagine the conversation—no the argument that would have taken place between Zechariah and Elizabeth when they all went to their respective homes. 

“How dare you! I said his name is John. I’m his mother. You’re my husband! We had already made a decision! There’s a plan in place here! Why didn’t you back me up? Were you just showing off? Are any of those people going to have your back when you’re afflicted again as a result of your arrogance and disobedience?”  

Imagine Elizabeth’s indignation if Zechariah hadn’t supported her decision, and was swayed by the neighbors and relatives. 

Imagine her lack of confidence in him ever having her back again. Imagine her anxiety every time they agreed on something.  

Would she be able to count on him to follow through, or would he be influenced by others? 

Zechariah was wise to not only support his wife, but to be obedient to God. 

He sent a very strong message that is valuable today:

  1.Keep busybodies out of your personal life.

      2.Don’t allow anyone to pit you against your loved ones and friends.

      3.Be consistent. Don’t be contrary with your words. One face is all you can manage.

      4.Don’t ever give anyone the idea that they can come between you and your loved ones and friends.

      5.Don’t allow people who have no stake in a matter to make decisions for you.

     6.Be as direct as you can with people who are laboring under the misapprehension that they have a right to make decisions for you.

     7.Never assume you know the parameters of, or reasons for the decisions that others make.

     8.When a decision has been made, whether you like it or not, don’t exacerbate the situation by being divisive.

     9.Never assume that someone doesn’t know what they’re doing.

     10.Never assume who’s in charge or authorized to make a decision.

1   11.Seeking the input of those who are unable to make a decision may backfire.

1   12.Your reasons for doing something may not apply to the circumstance of someone else.

     13.Wait to be asked for your input. 
     14. Never presume that you have a seat at the decision making table.

     15. No one can give you the right to make decisions for someone else without their consent.

     16.Don’t let temporary cause you to muck up permanent; Don’t let sometime-y cause you to diss faithful.

     17. Mind your own business. Chances are there is much that requires your undivided attention.