CAREGIVER DIARIES: WHO'S CALLING?

The phone ringing early this morning reminded me of yesterday.
It was closing in on 7:30, but I had been awake for hours. How little sleep I apparently need, as I get older, has been a surprising thing to me. Each day, I recall my grandmother's reference to "soon in the morning"...

I realized that I'm a cell phone girl in a home phone world.

One has an old-school, loud, black rotary phone type ring.

One yells out the name of the caller as phonetically as it can.

One plays "Red River Valley"--creepy chime-style.

One yells out the phone number of the caller-- slowly and deliberately-- like a robot.

One has an answering machine set on speaker mode.

All of this happens simultaneously.

It's quite a startling concert, and breaks through the morning or evening silence like a jackhammer.

I think I'm going to write a book or manual for people who either don't understand the day-to-day of caregiving, or they're just thoughtless, nosy, antagonistic jerks.

Just because a person is a seasoned citizen, doesn't mean they don't need rest or sleep. Just because YOU'RE up and about at the crack of dawn, doesn't mean THEY are.

I think every retired, seasoned citizen has earned the right to spend his or her time and resources any way they want. 

I think it's perfectly fine for someone to use their resources to make their lives more manageable and comfortable. Some people have an awfully skewed concept of what it means to help. 

What I've noticed is that a lot of people have been helping themselves to what belongs to others, and taking advantage of the vulnerability of others. 

Keep an eye on the seasoned citizens in your life.

Too often, people look at seasoned citizens as deep-pocketed people who have nothing to do, so they are put upon, taken advantage of, scammed, dragged places they don't really want to go, hit up for money, and stripped of their choices. I could go on. I am kind of amused, however, by those who think it's their job to make late night and early morning phone calls to micromanage the in-home care giver--as if what YOU have to do doesn't require sleep or rest, either.

When I answer any one of the phones, I've learned it's not MY voice the callers were expecting. ("Oh SHE'S there?" Wow. "SHE". 

The thoughtless busybodies say it as if you're not a caring family member, but some crackhead, psycho stranger who just got released from two-terms in prison.) They respond as if speech is a new concept. 

You're patiently waiting for them to identify themselves as they continue stumbling and fumbling over words. They know they're out of order, calling at the crack of the crack of dawn, but their insensitivity, unfortunately, has been allowed.

It's cool though. After being ripped from sleep, you realize you DID wake up, and for that, you're thankful. It's wonderful to be alive. In addition to thankfulness, speaking up, in love, and without apology are wonderful things, too. 

One must set boundaries. If the WORSE offender can apologize and admit to having been a bit deliberate and divisive in his actions, and frequently crossing the line into Too Familiar Territory, then there's certainly hope for the rest.
  
Most caregiver's only aim and wish, is the wholeness, and well- being of the individual(s) they serve. That's certainly not something that any sane person would endeavor to sabotage. One must always assume, however, that some people just don't know any better. 

It's never too late, then, for lessons from the New, Improved, Home Training 101 manual:
1. When you phone someone's home, say, "Hello".

2. If a person is on a fixed income, get out of their pockets.

3. If you're coming to take out the trash, take it ALL out.

4. If someone has dietary restrictions, don't show up with stuff that's liable to kill them.

5. The last person who needs to be aggravated is the person tasked to care for someone else.

6. If you're going to visit, call first...Don't show up at breakfast/lunch/dinnertime. The caregiver is in place to help the afflicted person, not serve as a maid or butler to everyone else.

7.If a seasoned citizen says, "I have a cold", don't be an idiot and visit them anyway. YOUR germs are more detrimental to them than theirs are to you.

Dear Care Givers everywhere, NEVER apologize to ANYONE for what you have been AUTHORIZED to do in the interest of your loved ones.
Someone has to help me understand how people view seasoned citizens as people who need to be taken advantage of.  "Oh, they're not using it."..."Oh, they don't need it"..."Oh, they won't miss it"...."Oh, it won't bother them"..."Oh, they won't see it", "Oh it's not in their way", "Oh, they won't mind"...ugh...
Seems to me, if you're visiting a senior citizen whose had some health issues, you wouldn't show up empty handed--and you definitely wouldn't take from their resources-- monetary or otherwise. 
I need prayer. Biting my tongue is getting increasingly difficult...maybe, for once in my passive life, that's a good thing.

Yesterday, I traveled to my childhood church to celebrate the life of a delightful, talented woman I'd known since I was 8 years old. Thelma Allen Lucky's funeral took me back in time. Sitting in Bethlehem Baptist Church was therapeutic. Singing (which wasn't planned)--was too. I saw so many men and women who were once young and spry; who, when they were my age, I thought were old. So many of them offered unsolicited, yet welcomed words of encouragement. More than once, I heard, "One day at a time."
I left feeling even more grateful and focused. Ms. Lucky lived a life of constant service to others. Ninety-five years. In the end, she was honored by those whose lives she'd touched. She'd fought a good fight, and no one said it was all a bed of roses, but then, perhaps it's not supposed to be.

In the effort to serve, some days are easier than others, but since you can't control what people will do or say, the only thing you can do is monitor your own responses, and some of them will surprise even you. 

I'm grateful for those discerning individuals who know what you're going through, and seek to make it easier, even if only through prayer. So many of my peers are in care giving roles now. It's nice to have the support of those who understand, and can share information that is helpful not only to you but your loved one as well.

My re-test is going along nicely today. It seems as if everywhere I go, there's someone planted to give me an encouraging word.
I love it.