FRIDAY THOUGHTS: MATTERS OF COURTESY

I received the weirdest message from someone who came up with a bright idea to profit off of a long established annual event.

 

My assistance was being sought to honor a friend. 

I'm still not sure what my role was supposed to be, because when I asked what I believed to be legitimate questions, I didn't get answers, but a clear sign that an offense was taken. 

I guess I was supposed to know who the individual was. I didn't. 

I know my friend, though. 

I know that foolishness, scams, and wasting time aren't high on my friend's list. 

My friend is also a businessperson, and has for years had mechanisms in place whereby proper channels can be followed by anyone seeking his services. 

I greatly respect that.

If I don't try to circumvent proper channels, and I'm a friend, why should I assist anyone else in being slick and disrespectful? 

Too often people fail to regard human beings, nearly as much as they regard their own agendas.

This is a huge world. 

One really mustn't assume that everybody knows one's name. 

Identify yourself. 

Give people the opportunity to say, "Oh, please, I know who you are!", or "It's a pleasure to meet you". 

But, just plunging in with demands, requests, and questions isn't the way. 

Dropping names won't get you any further to your goal if the people you're addressing have no idea who you are. 

Even if you think they're supposed to know, based on your body of work, sphere of influence, etc., don't take offense if they don't. 

Just say, "Hello, my name is so-and-so, I represent this-and-that, and I am planning such-and-such. This is what it entails..." 

"Familiarity breeds contempt". Courtesy, on the other hand, goes a long way.

No matter how good your idea may be to you; no matter how important your plan seems, if you have to use the name or reputation of someone else to make it fly, don't be surprised if you are met with skepticism. 

People really think they're slick sometimes--playing on your vulnerability or taking advantage of your relationships. 

What makes people think that you have to prove the strength of your relationships to them? 

I was reminded of the reaction I got when I informed a lady that I wouldn't be able to attend a luncheon she'd planned, at which my late mother was among several posthumous honorees. 

"It's your own mother! I can't believe you're not coming!" 

I told her that it might have been a good idea for her to check my availability first before she assumed I would be there--and put me on the program. 

"I'm sorry", I told her, "but I honored my mother while she lived. Whether or not I show up at your luncheon won't tarnish my memories of her one bit".

Honoring someone is a pure, selfless act, void of any possibility of making a profit, or adding feathers to one's own cap. 

One either will give one's best, or one's last, without soliciting or needing the presence, resources or time of others. 

Honoring someone is not a spectacle or a show, if it's done in the right spirit. 

It doesn't involve stress or strain. 

It doesn't require an audience. 

Name dropping isn't required. 

One need not try to honor someone. 

It should be effortless. 

The consent of the person to be honored isn't even necessary. 

If one truly appreciates another individual, honoring them doesn't require some long, convoluted process. One need not wait until the person to be honored is in the vicinity. 

If one really wants to reverence someone, one will make the effort to find THEM, and make everything convenient for them. There's no need to use them, or their friends and loved ones.

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So many people desire to be recognized, or to be important. 

When one's real objective is identified and called out, it's not unusual to be met with strong denial.

 

Everyone who offers a wise word, constructive criticism, truth, or a needed warning, is not a hater. 

Jesus demonstrated the futility in being defensive, answering critics, and believing one's own hype. He knew who he was and what his mission was. 

He wasn't seeking support or approval. 

He didn't ask "Who do men say that I am" because he was an egotistical blowhard. 

He wasn't looking for a fan base, or to make his own name great.

Whining and boasting about haters, actual or imaginary, casts an awkward, questionable shadow on an otherwise secure individual. The work at hand, if there is any, needs the focus, not the opposition to it.

Cherish the satisfaction of a job well done, instead of hoping that jealousy and envy will be inspired. 

Examine your motivation for doing what you do. 

If it's all about spite and competition, it will be sorely lacking in real purpose or enjoyment.