'Be anxious for nothing..." ~Philippians 4:6

Friday, February 25, 2011

WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO LEAVE

Don't be deceived. Your choice to remain in an abusive, controlling, manipulative situation, and be misused, demeaned, and treated like a slave, FOR ANY CAUSE OR REASON, is not a sign of love or faithfulness to be celebrated or admired. It CAN be a sign of diminished self-worth. It can also be a sign of your greed or misguided ambition.

You know the deal, and you know it won't change. You've gotten so used to being in the situation that it, and all it entails has, in your mind, become normal. You can even find reasons to justify it. You've even gone so far as to blame it on God, knowing full well that he has NEVER been in favor of you worshiping anything or anyone except Him. There's nothing spiritual about staying in an oppressive situation--except the lying spirits that have tricked you into thinking there's something noble about it. You're not practicing grace, mercy, forgiveness, or long suffering. It's quite possible that you're waiting for a PAYOFF from your investment of time, energy, affection, attention, or money-- in spite of the pitiful way you have been treated. You have to be aware that the payoff may never come.
Some people have forfeited their freedom, neglected their families, given up their plans, AND their good sense, in favor of the perks and benefits they are HOPING to get by sticking with something or someone skilled in the art and purpose of MAKING promises, but not in the art of KEEPING them.
Never doubt God so much that you look at anyone, or anything as your last, or only hope.

Sometimes when you choose to leave, you have to be willing to accept the criticism, judgment, gossip, and alienation it may bring from people who have been waiting for THEIR ship to come in, or their prayer to be answered. If they would only open their eyes, realize their hopes are built on error, and stop believing a lie, they would pack up and leave, too. Choosing to believe a lie can indicate that you aren't willing to make the choice that knowing the truth will SURELY convict and motivate you to make.
Funny how all of the reasons people give, for you to stay in an untenable situation, are almost always material. "What about the house, the car, the advance, the free stuff, the connections, the opportunities? What will PEOPLE think?" With THEIR sights on money, trophies, accolades, promotion, celebrity, or position, YOU'RE deemed "crazy" for walking away. 

When you choose to leave, some people are sure that they have to begin damage control. You MUST be talking and saying damaging things, so they have to talk FIRST-- make YOU look like a fool, and drag your name so deeply through the mud, in the hopes that you won't ever recover or surface again. When you hear the talk, you won't recognize that the maligned person is YOU. You know why you walked away, but that will never be the story that's shared. Before people are done with you, don't be surprised to find out that you have a mental illness, or are some kind of deviant--or a witch, or a spawn of Satan, or an alien from another planet.

When you walk away, those who want to stay in good graces with the powers that be, won't even defend you, or reach out to you--that is until they find themselves being mistreated by the SAME person or entity that mistreated you. When people slowly realize that what they heard about you WASN'T true, when they see you, they will always approach you as if you were suddenly released from prison, or raised from the dead. You haven't changed. It's just that they have decided to see you in a better, more acceptable light. You haven't left the country. Your contact information is still the same as it was when they decided you were too risky a person with which to associate. They chose to discard your contact information after they decided it would be best for them if they went along with the gossip. When fate lands them on the hot seat, all of a sudden, they seek YOU out as an ally--they want to compare notes; tell you how right you were. They want YOU to be the poster child for the situation. They want you to speak out on THEIR behalf. Don't bite. If you've been quiet, stay quiet. Truth has a wonderful way of standing and shining, no matter how long it has been under lock and key.

If you listen with pure motives, something will always tell you when what you hear sounds contrived or fishy. You don't have to immediately act on it, but you'll always wonder whether the opposite is true, and if you've been fed a load of bull that unfairly maligned one person, while covering another.

When you choose to leave, some will watch you from a safe distance, but won't speak. Facebook and other social networking sites are good for that kind of spying, and keeping tabs. Some folk are fine with you as long as you are not where they are. Don't expect EVERYONE to come looking, though. Some folk are glad you're gone. You were a thorn in their side, and you may never have known it. Sometimes your absence gives people the false impression that their chances are greater to obtain the thing they were so sure YOU were after. Looking back, you can see why you were treated so horribly.
Oh yeah, you might hear, "I miss you" a lot when you choose to leave, but see what happens when you actually show up! You will never see more fakery, ducking, and scrambling in all your life. Some people can't face you. They've talked too much about you--and it wasn't good. So they send you a message, "Sorry I didn't get to see you". Oh, they saw you, alright. They just chose to go the other way. Shame and guilt will do that to a person.
Some folk would rather think you're somewhere suffering after what they've done to you, or said about you. When they find out that you're NOT, it makes them evaluate their own position, and the choices they have made. It makes them wonder why they stayed, and whether they should have marched out the door behind you.

Fortunately, some folk are genuinely glad to see you. It gives them an opportunity to apologize for not correctly locating their backbone, and utilizing their sense of right and wrong when they should have.

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