CAREGIVER DIARIES: WHO'S TALKING?

Bible passages are so replete with wisdom. 

The parallels to every day life are staggering.

"Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden?” 

The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.” 

The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." 

~Genesis 3:1-5

Eve had it made in Eden. She didn't have to lift a finger. The serpent made her skeptical of just how good she had it. He made her mistrust God-- someone who'd never, ever deceived or mistreated her.
Dummy.

Many ailing and elderly people are just like Eve. 

They're blessed with caring individuals who sacrifice for them, attend to them, and make provisions for them to remain in their own, familiar, safe environments. 

Among their acquaintances, and even family members, however, are subtle, manipulative creatures, who are enviously watching from the sidelines--and they have a lot to say. 

Perhaps they have no one. 

Perhaps they can't depend on, nor trust their own loved ones. 

Perhaps they've burned bridges, or have been so unbearable, that their loved ones don't answer when they call. 

Don't let their issues make you turn on your family.

Envious people will always have issues with those who have what they don't, and will endeavor to destroy, or usurp it.

Opportunists and users detest vigilant caregivers,  because they are perceived as blockers of the access and resources that they once enjoyed. 

Ailing people and seniors are susceptible to snakes, who are jealous that they are cared for, financially stable, and able to remain in their own homes. 

Those snakes are relentless with their meddling. They're hoping that, like the serpent in the garden, they can inspire doubt. 

They're hoping that seniors will confront, accuse, mistrust, alienate, and sever ties with those who have never done anything except love, assist and advocate for them. 

Seniors, if you've got someone waiting on you hand and foot 24/7, don't let some depressed, lonely imp, be it sister, brother, or friend, keep whispering in your ear and telling you what you don't need, and shouldn't have. 

Look around. 

 Are you well nourished each day, and well coiffed and groomed and pressed? 

Is your home and environment kept tidy, obstacle free, and clean? What about your clothing and bedding? 

Can you get where you need to go? 

Do you never have to worry about fending for yourself, or being alone? 

At critical times, was someone always there? 

If you need or want ANYTHING, is there someone right there to provide it? 

When you don't feel like doing something for yourself, is there someone willing to do it for you? 

Is the atmosphere in your home pleasant? 

Do you have a willing, unpaid, conscientious, trustworthy caregiver? 

Are you free from worry about your caregiver stealing from you, or mismanaging your resources, or tearing up your home?  

If you answered "Yes", then don't be a fool and get sucked in by someone who wishes they were in your shoes. 

Don't let people who don't have your back, cause you to mistreat those who do. 

 Listening to the advice and warnings of someone who, can't and won't help you, but is forever instigating, making you anxious, getting you upset, and scheming to wreck your relationships, is asinine. 

When you were alone and struggling where were these snakes? 

When you called out for help, who responded? 

Don't be like Eve. 

“When the time came for Elizabeth to have her child, she gave birth to a son. Her neighbors and relatives heard that the Lord had shown her great mercy, and they rejoiced with her. On the eighth day, when they came to circumcise the child, they were going to name him after his father Zechariah. But his mother replied, “No! He shall be called John.” They said to her, “There is no one among your relatives who bears this name.” So they made signs to his father to inquire what he wanted to name the child. Zechariah asked for a tablet and wrote, “His name is John.” And they were all astonished.  Immediately Zechariah’s mouth was opened and his tongue was released, and he began to speak, praising God. All their neighbors were filled with awe, and people throughout the hill country of Judea were talking about these events.  And all who heard this wondered in their hearts and asked, “What then will this child become?” For the Lord’s hand was with him.” ~Luke 1:57-66

I have never read this passage of scripture like I read it today. 

As a caregiver, I’ve found that the greatest difficulty has not been as a result of the illness and aging of a loved one, or the daily chores to maintain a home, but the busybodies who have tried (and are still trying) to assert themselves into family decisions. 

I have never met such imposing, messy, nosy, inconsiderate people in my life. For some reason, they think they can bulldoze their way into areas they don’t belong; micromanage, and make suggestions that will benefit and satisfy themselves. 

I can’t imagine behaving so rudely and inappropriately. 

It is so true. People do what they’re allowed to do. 

When spurred on by perceived authority, permission, or responsibility, people can be absolutely annoying and relentless. 

One must wonder if the leeway one has been given is premature, unauthorized, or poorly motivated. 

Someone can give you the all clear to trample over their lives, but don’t dare think that invitation is transferable.

You do have to wonder what people are being told, and why they behave the way they do. Who are they taking their marching orders from? Where are they getting their information? What is that makes people so determined to act? 

Just because someone may have told you that you could, doesn’t mean that you can. A good way to get one’s feelings hurt is to inject oneself where one doesn’t belong; to ignore or disregard those one doesn’t feel are important or relevant.

In the scripture, Elizabeth, the one who had just given birth, the wife of Zechariah, made a decision. It was a decision she and her husband had every right to make, and it shouldn’t have been questioned. The neighbors and friends didn’t conceive or deliver the baby. They weren’t tasked with feeding, nurturing, cleaning up after, teaching, or financing the baby. Where did they get off thinking they could name him? 

Only an empowered busybody would have had the nerve to dismiss Elizabeth’s words concerning her own child. 

Busybodies who clearly had no respect for her, thought they could overrule her; go over her head; pit her against her husband; cause a rift by discounting her decision and asking him to publicly embarrass her. 

Based on their actions, her decision wasn’t good enough. They had a better idea. Her decision didn’t make sense to them. They were sure that Zechariah would side with them against his wife. Then they had the nerve to question not only WHO, but WHAT he would be as a result of the decision that Elizabeth and Zechariah made. 

What did they think? John would be a failure? 

Unsuccessful? 

A flop?

Imagine the conversation—no the argument that would have taken place between Zechariah and Elizabeth when they all went to their respective homes. 

“How dare you! I said his name is John. I’m his mother. You’re my husband! We had already made a decision! There’s a plan in place here! Why didn’t you back me up? Were you just showing off? Are any of those people going to have your back when you’re afflicted again as a result of your arrogance and disobedience?”  

Imagine Elizabeth’s indignation if Zechariah hadn’t supported her decision, and was swayed by the neighbors and relatives. 

Imagine her lack of confidence in him ever having her back again. Imagine her anxiety every time they agreed on something.  

Would she be able to count on him to follow through, or would he be influenced by others? 

Zechariah was wise to not only support his wife, but to be obedient to God. 

He sent a very strong message that is valuable today:

  1.Keep busybodies out of your personal life.

      2.Don’t allow anyone to pit you against your loved ones and friends.

      3.Be consistent. Don’t be contrary with your words. One face is all you can manage.

      4.Don’t ever give anyone the idea that they can come between you and your loved ones and friends.

      5.Don’t allow people who have no stake in a matter to make decisions for you.

     6.Be as direct as you can with people who are laboring under the misapprehension that they have a right to make decisions for you.

     7.Never assume you know the parameters of, or reasons for the decisions that others make.

     8.When a decision has been made, whether you like it or not, don’t exacerbate the situation by being divisive.

     9.Never assume that someone doesn’t know what they’re doing.

     10.Never assume who’s in charge or authorized to make a decision.

1   11.Seeking the input of those who are unable to make a decision may backfire.

1   12.Your reasons for doing something may not apply to the circumstance of someone else.

     13.Wait to be asked for your input. 
     14. Never presume that you have a seat at the decision making table.

     15. No one can give you the right to make decisions for someone else without their consent.

     16.Don’t let temporary cause you to muck up permanent; Don’t let sometime-y cause you to diss faithful.

     17. Mind your own business. Chances are there is much that requires your undivided attention.

CAREGIVER DIARIES: LESSONS

There are situations that have been going on for your entire life; that began long before you were born. It's like a cancer that spreads from person to person for generations. 

The more you learn the truth about the history of the players; the more that elders reveal, as a result of their now filter-less, uncensored speech, the more you understand why things and people are the way they are--and you eventually come to greatly pity them. 

They are much too old to be so bitter and divisive. Their lives could be, and could have been so much more productive and joyful. They could have improved themselves; renewed their minds; been better and done better; loved and encouraged more, and hated and criticized less. 

They exhausted their own relationships; mistreated and damaged those close to them, and now they're in search of other lives to infect. They chose not to love; not to examine the impact of their actions and words; not to repent, and now they rage against light, use the Bible as a weapon against others, and fail to see themselves and their own faults in their own misery. They fail to see their own need for redemption, and attack whatever good they encounter.

The impact of oppression, abandonment, lack, bitterness, jealousy, abuse, and broken dreams is palatable. They have always been trying to draw you in; to initiate you, but you have no desire to participate. They are a living example of what you don't want to be. Their dispositions are repelling. Fortunately, you were always taken far away from it, and entrusted to the loving embrace of those who wanted, cherished, invested in, and valued you. The troubled ones couldn’t see why you preferred the company of peaceable people.You cherish the memory and teaching of those sainted people to this day. 

By grace, you rose above the negativity that tried to impact you; you were taught to excel, to use and share your gifts, to see and find beauty; to embrace peace. The loving ones tried their best to shield and protect you from the ugliness, but even as a child you sensed it, and made a mental note:
"They are mean, sad, and cruel. They do not smile."

They're destructive and envious. There's trouble, arguments, and tears when they come around; a suffocating, divisive spirit shows up; you no longer feel at ease; something is very wrong. They are very angry, hurtful, antagonistic, tactless, bullying, critical and dismissive. You don't trust them at all. They look at you as if you stink. You're a child, but you taste the hate. You don't want to get close. You'll be interrogated if you do. 

The issue never goes away, it just assumes new forms as you grow older--and as you grow older, you now have the power to avoid it, but it's still there because it's allowed. No one has ever shut it down. That unease; that knot you felt in your stomach as a child shows up, and you recognize it immediately. 

It says, "Excuse yourself from this toxic space. Save yourself. Find a safe, nurturing place to be. Celebrate those who celebrate you." 

The nurturing ones taught you well. "Guard your heart"; "If you lie down with dogs, you'll get up with fleas"; "Don't pay them no mind, Baby. Some people just don't know any better".

You think as they grow older, they'd stop, but they don't know any other way to be. They thrive in dysfunction. You look at the tired faces of ancestors in old photos. Is this the person who raised them? Who taught them? Who failed to teach them? Who neglected them? Who failed to protect them? Who hurt them so much that all they know how to do is hurt others? Who was too broken and weary themselves to be any good to them? What would you learn if you could trace their lives? Why are they so hateful?

It's not your fight. It's not your beef, but the object of such bitterness--one of the ones who tried to shield you--perhaps your mother-- is no longer here; she's finally free from the drama. Death should lay a lot to rest, but unfortunately, it doesn't. Imps aren't ever quite satisfied, and now you're their new target. They hated her. You look like her. Friends say, "She's alive in you". She was wise, kind, gracious, lovely, generous, and intelligent. She drew people to her. With venom the hateful ones say, "Umph. You got all your momma's ways". To you, it's a huge compliment. To them, it's the height of insult. You've put a dampener on their celebration of her demise by being so much like her. Everything about her still radiates--in you and your sisters, daughters, and nieces. It makes them frustrated and uncomfortable. She dealt with it--gracefully. She would want you to, as well. She's gone, and they thought, in their twisted thinking, that they would assume her position. They thought they could replace her, and erase you. It's now in your face again, the leers and the backhanded comments designed to trip you into endless, pointless conversations. They come to her home and mishandle her things, and rummage, and make messes, and take inventory and covet, and try to make you feel like you don't belong. They still throw the barbs you felt as a child, and frankly, you're tired of it, but you're not a child any more. 

There is much you could do or say, but you don't. They meddle, and push, and accuse, and attempt to micromanage and bully you. They aim to show you who they are. You know what they are, and so you decline to wrestle with them. They're like a swarm. They're relentless--every day trying to annoy you from a distance; constantly trying to form manipulative relationships with opportunistic people (they think have some influence and access) for the sole purpose of gaining information. They rail and scream, and demand your attention and try to upset the harmony you enjoy and the order you establish. They're furious that you don't, and won't engage. 

If they could only see you shaking your head. They badmouth you and lie. They want to know where you are; what you're doing; how you're doing it. They hate that you are where they want to be, and that you've elected to ignore them. You now know that they are a pitiful swarm without stingers. You wish you could respect them because of who they are, but they've never earned it. Your memories of them are filled with the trouble they always caused. That trouble always subsided, but the residue remained-- until the next time. You've always wondered why no one made them stop.

Today, they have no power. They're older and slower, and their countenances display years of unhappiness. They just make noise now, and they even turn on each other and their own. Their schemes fail over and over again, and they exhaust themselves trying to dominate you. With all that they could focus their attention on, they now want a fight with you. They even think they can poison your own against you, because their own relationships are so fractured, dysfunctional, and unloving. 

Fortunately, you were taught well. Love raised you. Thank God, praise GOD for the nurturing ones who demonstrated what it was like to exist in harmony, peace, safety, and comfort; who taught you the importance of establishing and maintaining boundaries. You know to do what is right no matter what; when to speak and when to ignore. 

You don't have to get your hands dirty. God is a much better wrestler than you. When you tag him, you don't ever have to get back into the ring. 

He can handle it--and them. 
Rest.

NEW DAY

If I didn't know better, I'd think Marsha Burns was spying on me. Isn't it something how a timely word can get you together, and change your perspective. Wow.I wish I could thank her. The encouragement I've been given in the past few days has been so wonderful. Here's today's very timely and wise devotional from Small Straws in a Soft Wind. It made me smile and I thought I'd share. I hope you smile, too:

 

"Put your issues aside and stop fussing over things that are basically inconsequential.  Quiet your soul and find your place of peace.  Begin again with a clean slate, leaving behind all the things that have kept you in turmoil.  You have very little authority or control over most of the things you worry about.  Re-establish spiritual perspective, says the Lord."  Matthew 6:27 "Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?            

THURSDAY THOUGHTS: FAVOR

Your name comes up in a planning meeting. If one person rejects you, what happens? Will others ask why? Will they ignore the vote of no confidence and overrule? Will they fight for you based on their positive experience with you? 

Thank goodness for people who have minds of their own; who are discerning; who aren't swayed, and acknowledge your worth and what you bring to the table.
 
There are those who you would think are enjoying the races they run. It sure looks like it. Instead, they're busy looking back to see if you've laced up your running shoes. With their eyes off of their own path, they're losing time; threatening to hit a wall, or tumble off of a curb. Too bad they can't see or hear that others have actually been cheering for them from the sidelines. You have no desire to compete. If you're even in the race, it's because God created a lane for you.

When you find out who has been trying to exclude you; who's speaking for you unauthorized, badmouthing you; plotting and scheming, distancing themselves and sabotaging, it may be a bit unnerving and disappointing, but remember: God knows a lot of people--a whole lot of people. His windows are bigger than man's doors. He will put your name in the minds of people who have been watching your walk. You won't have to run or break a sweat.  

#patiencegraceandfavor

CAREGIVER DIARIES: YESTERDAY

The day ended so much more pleasantly than it began. It was nice to have dinner with my best friend from high school and and a family friend of hers. She had driven to the DMV from South Carolina and stopped by the house. "Come on, get your purse. I'm kidnapping you." I'm so glad she did. Ironically, both of them had been caregivers, and their humor, advice, and wisdom was like a shot in the arm.

1. Caregiving becomes more difficult when someone who doesn't want you there is in your loved one's ear. You can always tell because it will abruptly come out in his conversation and it won't seem natural, but other people and what they say are not your priority. Remember the oxygen rule on the plane--You first, then your loved one.
2. Take time for yourself. You have to ask yourself, "Who's caring for the person who's caregiving? Someone had better be, and who better than you?
3. Others can see the stress you're under. It's always visible. If they care they'll help, but you have to remember to reach out. A lot of people will assume, "Oh, she's got it" and go on about their business.
4. Document as if you're on a paying job. That way, people who are hoping he will mistrust you won't have a leg to stand on. Answer doubts and fears with facts and truth.
5. Don't waste any energy on people who antagonize the situation from a distance. They don't matter. They're like dogs with no teeth, and they ought to be ashamed of themselves. You have to assume that people don't know any better. If they did, they'd definitely do better.
6. Find a support group in your area. People who share your experience are a great comfort and resource. They know what's going on and what to anticipate.
7. Take walks.
Being defensive may have worked years ago. It will only frustrate you now. Just let stuff roll off. Don't take anything personally. Don't internalize anything.
8. Angry people aren't rational. Don't argue with them.
9. Go further than the flower beds outside. Get out. A change of scenery is always good.
10. Anyone who has a problem with you caring for your own father is the one who has the problem. Forget them.

God planned the day. I just know it. I love his rescues. Sometimes, you do have to take a minute for yourself and regroup. I'm glad I let my friend talk me into going.

The great Nina Simone said, "You have to learn to get up from the table when love is not being served." 

Love wasn't exactly being served earlier in the day, but it was served at an oval table at Jaspers in Upper Marlboro. The salmon was delicious, the service was great and the company was too.
Thanks Marcia and Charles. You're angels.

WEDNESDAY THOUGHTS: CAREGIVER DIARIES

I had nice talks with an old friend, and my sisters today.

 

It's good when people have your back, and you can vent freely, and get honest, helpful feedback. 

It's good when people understand precisely what or who you're dealing with, and offer sound advice that will relieve unwanted stress. 

Just a few minutes ago, I read Marsha Burns' devotional:


"Keep yourself from defilement. This may require pulling back from activities and relationships that are not beneficial to you.  Stop and consider what, and who influences you the most, and make sure the input is positive and not negative. Your relationship with Me, says the Lord, requires time and spiritual effort as you allow Me to be the greatest influence in your life."

 

The scripture reference was Psalms 62:7. 

"In God is my salvation and my glory; the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God."  

I sure wish I'd read it the first thing this morning! 

It would have prepared me for yet another post-visitor confrontation.

Once again, they came, left, and their messy ways and words threatened to cause friction. 

Their long arms are still trying to reach into this household and tear it apart. 

They're still trying to drive wedges. 

For the life of me, I don't know why. 

Someone suggested that their behavior is motivated by envy, and unhappiness. 

Some people simply want what they think you have without realizing there's absolutely nothing stopping them from having it too. It's their own hateful ways that are blocking it.

 
Their meddling almost worked. 

It's true. 

Things will change when your responses change. 

Caregivers, 

You know who you are. 

You don't have to defend your integrity. 

You know what you do each day, and why. 

You don't have to report to anyone who is neither supporting nor compensating you. 

You matter, in spite of those who think you don't. 

You don't ever have to feed into, or exist in the chaos that others attempt to create. 

You don't have to answer a fool--even if you are related. 

You don't have to defend yourself when right is on your side. You don't have to explain to anyone who isn't doing squat to assist you in your efforts. 

You don't have to tidy up behind those who think they're making work for you, either. 

They think that because you care, they don't have to. 

Sometimes, people think they have permission to dismiss and demean you in your own home. 

Because they think they're more important than you, they feel they can do and say whatever they want; just bulldoze their way in and topple you--and you'll dutifully clean up in their wake. 

They'll stop when they realize that neither Hazel, Florence, Cinderella nor Benson are going to show up. 

There is no maid or butler.

As a caregiver, you have to remember who you're working for. That's the only person who deserves an accounting. 

Ms. Burns offered a timely word today: "Keep yourself from defilement." 

"Defilement". 

That means, avoid injury and loss of sanctity, shun ugliness, and pollution. 

Maintain your beauty and purity. 

Don't let anything taint you, or like my big sister says, "get you out of character." 

There are those who are just itching to see your other side. You do have one, but you don't ever have to show it. 

You'd think that people would get tired of being evil. It takes an awful lot of work. 

There are those, however, who simply thrive in dysfunction. 

It's their thing. Their fuel is knowing their actions are working. Once you learn to ignore and pray for the nuisances in your life--laugh at them, even--your own blood pressure and stress level will subside. 

Stop. 

Look closely. 

How much power do people have aside from what you've given them? 

That's right. None. 

Cancel the noise.

My Facebook post from June 29, 2010 read: 

"Is anything too hard for the LORD ?..." 

~Genesis 18:14

 

"I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard

for me? 

~Jeremiah 32:27

I know that nothing is. I'm convinced of that. 

Today, I just needed him to prove it to me once again...and he did...AAAAAND---  
I got a break this morning courtesy of a very thoughtful deacon friend of Dad's.

The drama passed like it always does. 

I said what I needed to say, and that was that. 

I haven't always been so direct. 

I used to cry. I used to get my feelings hurt, and run. 

Not any more. 

Peace is precious, but not at any cost. 

Mercy is a motivator, but Truth is light and life.

Someone phoned with what was a bit of a threat. 

She seeks greater access (as if anyone is stopping her from doing anything). 

"Since I can't seem to get you on the phone, I'll just plan to come and visit you every two or three weeks. How's that? I'll just do that." 

As snippy and sarcastic as her tone was, I realized the message was for me, and I began to feel very sorry for the caller. 

She has children and grandchildren, and great grandchildren, but her fixation on what's happening here is bordering on obsession. 

She's not coming to visit to help, she's coming to run roughshod and inspect and see what she can get. 

She really thinks she's in charge. 

As one of the eldest members of the family, she could be enjoying the respect of everyone. Instead, her meddling ways repel, infuriate, and make her a laughingstock--like a lion with no teeth..or like a chihuahua who thinks she's a lion. 

She tried to bully others, and they promptly put her in her place. I took copious notes,

(Input is best when it is solicited, and gladly received from those who are respected.) 

She realized she has no power there, so she's trying her hand here. 

If only she could see how her busyness and bitterness is affecting her countenance and her physical and mental health. 

If only she could manage her own household, but it seems if she can't have harmony, no one should. 

She's coming here to be a pain. 

She will have a pain when she gets tired of working, spending her money, and not getting what she's really after. 

If she's coming for a confrontation, 911 is such an easy number for me to remember. 

I will waste no time calling. 

Some people need to be handled by God and the police.

Wait a minute... Coming here every two or three weeks has been an option all year? 

You mean I could have had some relief?  SUPER! Come on! Bring your best game...and your recipes, mop, broom, dustpan, rake, dish towel, gloves and elbow grease. 

I could use some help around here! 

What ever makes people think you're intimidated by, or afraid of them? 

What makes them think they have any say in your life, or that you are under any obligation to entertain them or their nonsense? 

In a caregiving situation, no one, NO ONE is on vacation. 

Everybody is on their own. 

Southern hospitality is over. 

If you don't want to work, there's no point in showing up, because no one will be serving, entertaining, or cleaning up behind you. 

You matter, but you are no longer the priority you may have been in the past. 

The only person who gets that honor is the ailing or elderly person.

 

If you show up for any other reason than to help, it won't be difficult to see through your scheme and detect what your real motives are. 

The ailing person isn't ailing so much that they don't recognize consistency. They know who pops in every now and then, and who's present all the time. 

They know who they can rely on, and who's never available. 

They know who's giving to them, and who's always phoning to take from them. 

Their bodies may be feeble, but their minds still work, and as they age, and that filter disappears, so does their loyalty. 

They talk badly about everybody--especially those who only call or show up when they want something.

 

Those who are always stirring up trouble, and micromanaging never seem to be able to stir themselves, show up, and help for any significant period of time.

I know I always have a choice in any matter. Some things we do out of obligation. 

There's a need. We're able and available. 

Good home training dictates that you be helpful when you can; that you look out for your parents--and other seniors, too. 

It's tough, but we tough it out. 

Roles change, and there is extreme pushback. Once fiercely independent people don't like having to depend on anyone. 

You, as a caregiver, may appear to be the enemy of their privacy and freedom. 

They need someone to lash out at and, very often, you're it. 

You let it roll off of your back, though. 

You learn to take nothing personally. 

You definitely don't take crap from people who are inconsistent and meddlesome.

Too much abuse, and you may conclude that caregiving is no longer worth the effort-- although you don't regret trying. 

Trying to make some things better, however, is a waste of time and energy. 

You cannot change people, or their way of thinking. 

Holding on to some things is detrimental to your own well being. 

Some things are never, ever going to improve, or be fixed, unless God does it, so the solution is to change yourself, your responses, your attitude, and if necessary, your location. 

That may mean limiting contact or severing ties with some people. That way, they don't have to have access to you to muck up your days. 

You can control that. Problem is, if they can't get to you, they'll attempt to get to those closest to you. 

Still, don't respond to craziness because it's...well...crazy.

 

There are situations that shouldn't make you weary. Sometimes we're:

exerting energy in the wrong places; 

extending a hand to the wrong people; 

being drained when we could be filled, fulfilled, happy, and appreciated; 

being abused when we could be loved; 

being attacked when we could be nurtured; being demeaned when we could be celebrated. 

Our intentions may be good, our motives pure, and our hearts in the right place, and our capabilities more than adequate, but are we where we're supposed to be? 

Are we sharing with the right people? 

Are we casting our pearls before swine? 

Are we tearing our hair out trying to reason with the unreasonable? 

Are we working on behalf of those who don't care, while forfeiting greener pastures? 

Are we killing ourselves trying to bring light into situations that prefer to be dark? 

If my problem is that I 

1. Don't like drama

2. Don't like unnecessary stress

3. Don't like messy people

4. Mind my own business, and think others should mind theirs

5. Prefer a clean, orderly environment

6. Don't like to argue

7. Think elderly people should remain in their own homes if they wish

8. Respect the personal boundaries of others and defend my own

9. Prefer peace and harmony to madness

10. Abhor busybodies

then, yes. I have a problem--a problem I don't mind keeping.

 

Now, who do I think I am that the enemy won't try me here--and use people who should/could be helping me to hurt me? 

Who am I to forget to turn them over to Jesus? 

I know better. 

Thanks, God. I know you've got it. 

Attitude adjusted.

I'm going to just sit here, drink my ginger tea, and watch you work.