SATURDAY THOUGHTS: LESSONS

You'll get a ringside seat to observing and understanding things only God, time, and a fearless choice to open your eyes, can reveal. 

You'll realize how merciful an act it was to allow you to go through certain situations that you would never have chosen. You thought they were designed to take you out, but you learned you were stronger and more resilient than you ever imagined. 

When you emerge, you'll never be the same again; never gullible again; never underestimating yourself again. 

Compared to your new perspective, "woke" is an understatement.

It will finally occur to you, that the dysfunction you've witnessed and suffered through, originated and was nurtured for generations--long before you were even born. It was a curse designed to keep you forever bound and ignorant; forever docile and fearful; forever deceived. It knows no other way to operate as it enters, unhealed, one generation after another, crippling what could have been vital, and empowering what should have been denounced. 

Strife was sown. 

Envy was rewarded. 

Division and unreasonable competition, and unrealistic self esteem was taught. 

Enjoying peace, security, and harmony was like a crime, and now you understand why you have always craved it so. 

You will be more grateful than ever that you were rescued, and able to find and enjoy safety and comfort elsewhere. You'll know that contentment wasn't just for others.

 

You were chosen and rescued by others who were divinely inspired to see in you what would have never been fully acknowledged, appreciated, or cultivated, but always criticized, minimized, and discouraged.

You know now, that things weren't considered normal unless there was an argument or a fight going on. The violence you witnessed and heard, is etched in your memory. 

You weren't supposed to feel. 

Your tears were met with cynicism and laughter. Everything you said was dismissed, because you weren't allowed to have a voice. 

If a question was on the table, it was as if some prize was being given to whoever answered first. Whatever you said, was immediately shot down as if you couldn't possibly know the answer. 

It was preferred that you never excel above the level of others; never possess any more than others; never overcome what others could not master. 

Sabotage flourished. 

You could have nothing of your own. 

Independence was frowned upon. 

Doubt was inflicted. 

Roles were taught:

You're the smart one. 

You're the quiet one. 

You're the pretty one. 

You're the aggressive one. 

You're the passive one. 

You were always reminded what you were not. 

You were to be a mere reflection of another person's effort. 

Thinking for oneself; having an opinion, or dissenting thought was like mutiny. 

If you even thought about escaping it all, it drew you back. 

No one could be multi anything. 

Expectations were established, and even if you reached a pinnacle, no pinnacle reached was ever high enough. It was still failure. 

Your achievement wasn't for you, it was a bragging point for others to feed their insecurity. 

Your gifts and talents weren't yours, they were a reflection of someone else's wishes and had to be used--not in the way that was natural for you--but in a way that would not embarrass, humiliate, or upset some silly narrative.

No one really took the time to know you. 

You were introduced as the competition. 

Others were pitted against you, and you didn't even know it--until it appeared you were being shown favor. Then, they couldn't even hide their hate. 

To make themselves look better, they slandered you to anyone who would listen--and some listened a little too easily and eagerly, and believed the lies.

Whoever teaches, is respected. They can't be wrong in their estimations, right? 

Whoever they like or love, you have to like and love, too--even if those people do you irreparable harm, and represent everything you detest. 

You are forced to be surrounded by people who hate you, and they are not shy about making their feelings known--even in your space.

You grow up, so does your discernment, and you see for yourself the dynamics of what has been going on throughout your whole life. 

Some never outgrow the drama. They absorb it because they always benefited from it--until it turned on them. 

The only loyalty in a dysfunctional situation is to the dysfunction. The players are dispensable. 

Some never get over the betrayal. They remain arrested in whatever era they made their first blunder; told their biggest lie; experienced their first disappointment; adopted their greatest shame. Covering up, making and keeping new secrets, justifying wrongdoing, excusing missteps, recreating self, abandoning previously held beliefs, and just plain living a lie, became the norm. 

Every relationship is built on the dysfunctional foundation, and the dysfunctional soon fuse themselves. Protecting self at all cost, recklessly gossiping, lying, and caring less about others is encouraged. 

No one knows how to love. They are only adept at using and abusing others, because they were taught that there's not enough to go around, and everyone is the enemy.

The dysfunction never dies with the dysfunctional. 

It is passed on, and in nightmares, the dead who perpetuated so much strife are laughing in their graves. They lived for it, and the thought that others could achieve the harmony and normalcy they never knew could exist, caused them to fight against it with all their might. They were known for messiness and chaos, and now, because they never endeavored to break the spell, so are their children-- and their children's children. 

Some escaped, weary, but not too scarred. 

Others don't know any other way to be. They've been immersed in it. It works for them, and they've adopted it. Instead of seeing how damaging the dysfunction has been, they pick up the mantle and perpetuate it in a new, gullible, eager-to-please generation.

It is evil, the spirit of secrecy that permeates families. It is a spirit that has weight. 

You sense it when it is near, and decide you will no longer be affected by, nor will you abide it. 

That means many things, including severing ties with anything and anyone that  resurrects even the remotest reminder of it. 

Oh, it will try to find you. It will sidle up next to you; it will want to know what your next move will be, where you are and what you are doing. It will not want to leave you alone. It knows nothing else than to compare itself to you, so it must keep tabs on you. It must find a way to stay connected. 

To be done with the evil is bliss. You had to abide it before. No such mandate exists now. You can be free.

You know now that dysfunction will infect you, and it must not be embraced or normalized. 

Don't entertain or excuse it. 

Don't rationalize or ignore it. 

Identify it and call it what it is--no matter where it originates from. 

It will impose and preen and attempt to enlarge itself. It will feign normalcy and authenticity. 

It is loud and deliberate in its movement; deceptive and arrogant, nosy and pungent, and desperately needs to be seen, but when you find yourself laughing at it, you will know you are free. 

Remain free. Never think your name demands that you abide it, or defend it. That rule has always been a sinister one. Reject it. Learn the lessons— yours AND theirs.

Those who think their actions rattle and unsettle you are unsettled themselves. They want, and have always sought your attention and support, but fail to acknowledge how their learned words and behavior make it veritably impossible for you to abide them. They are toxic. As with most attention- seekers who need validation from you, but find they will never get it, when they can no longer impact you, they will attempt to infect those closest to you, thinking surely that will get your attention. 

You know better. Just as you learned, through many trials, to think for yourself, to judge by actions, to rid your life of anything that carries seeds of destruction, others must do so as well. 

You, however will remain free. 

The talk is just noise. 

The feigned alliances are just for show, and will as always, fall apart until a new crop of gullibles come along. 

Stay out of the fray. When you have been set AND made free, remain so. 

No romanticizing. 

No looking back.

When people show you who they are, cry if you must; sit with the disappointment for a spell, but believe them the first time--no matter who they are.