They just thought I was going to stand there and allow them to dog and accuse another person--someone I know well; someone who has always been faithful, and supportive of them, perhaps, when they shouldn't have been.
It was so strategic. They couched their complaint as if they were confiding in me; as if I was suddenly their new, trusted ally. My grandmother warned me a long time ago about that dog that will bring AND carry away a bone.
You know how people do when they've, in the words of my late Auntee Lillian, "torn their drawers" with everyone else? They come slinking over to you as if you don't know they'll knife you, too, as soon as you turn your back, cross them, or disagree. I saw their wheels turning as they spoke. I could almost hear them thinking, "Oh, she's so nice". I was not confused about the spirit that was speaking. It was enlightening and scary at the same time, but for once, there was no trace of passive, wimpy, peace-at-all-costs, me.
It was so strategic. They couched their complaint as if they were confiding in me; as if I was suddenly their new, trusted ally. My grandmother warned me a long time ago about that dog that will bring AND carry away a bone.
You know how people do when they've, in the words of my late Auntee Lillian, "torn their drawers" with everyone else? They come slinking over to you as if you don't know they'll knife you, too, as soon as you turn your back, cross them, or disagree. I saw their wheels turning as they spoke. I could almost hear them thinking, "Oh, she's so nice". I was not confused about the spirit that was speaking. It was enlightening and scary at the same time, but for once, there was no trace of passive, wimpy, peace-at-all-costs, me.
When I started asking pointed questions based solely on what they'd said, they became agitated, defensive, and turned on me in a flash. Guess who didn't care? lol...
If I no longer respect you or value your opinion, what do I care about what you think? You can't hurt me. If you have a history of being divisive and untrustworthy will you really be missed? Nope. There are people who expect your loyalty in spite of their untruthfulness. They really do think you'll uphold them when they're dead wrong and help them throw others under buses. That's not a tenet of friendship. That's just plain crazy.
If I no longer respect you or value your opinion, what do I care about what you think? You can't hurt me. If you have a history of being divisive and untrustworthy will you really be missed? Nope. There are people who expect your loyalty in spite of their untruthfulness. They really do think you'll uphold them when they're dead wrong and help them throw others under buses. That's not a tenet of friendship. That's just plain crazy.
Disloyalty and fickleness don't inspire trust. You've got some enemies, and it's not because either of you have done ANYTHING to each other, but because of something a mutual acquaintance has said--and it's time to make some corrections, and shine some light.
My grandmother used to call it "throwing a rock and hiding your hand"--telling one thing to one person or group, and quite another tale to others, then sitting back and basking in the train wreck. Some people are COUNTING on your lack of communication with others. "Don't say anything...", "Don't tell them I told you..." --but THEIR mouths are always running a mile a minute. Time out for that.
Tangible evidence has a way of quieting a troublemaker.
Stop believing everything you hear just because a certain person said it, and stop spreading it. Stop micromanaging and inspecting where you are not being paid to do so. Take up JUST causes. Stop helping a bully beat up on others. Stop running to defend what you haven't vetted as a legitimate issue. Stop being mad because THEY are. Stop being so eager to be the volunteer to tell someone what someone else has said. Embrace the truth.
When you find yourself regularly pitted against someone else, leave no stone un-turned until you find that common denominator who benefits from the discord. There IS one. Then, set about fixing what they hope will remain fractured just so that THEY can remain the puppeteer at the center of everyone's universe. Too many friends, families, and workplaces are in turmoil because of the words and actions of a hurting individual who either doesn't care, or has no idea of the damage they're doing.
Stop humoring, minimizing, and making excuses for those you now know are the source of a considerable amount of trouble in your life. Speak up. Too many people are protecting and co-signing the wrong folk, acting on their narratives, scheming along with them because they think there's some kind of payoff, maligning innocent people, ruining reputations, and feeding toxic environments.
Bring things out into the open, as immediately as possible. It might be painful or uncomfortable, but DO it. Embrace confrontation, and knock the wind out of a gossip's sails. They'll be mad. So what. They'll either realize how wrong they are, or go and find someone else to infect--but it won't be YOU.
The culture that broken, mean-spirited individuals have spent years cultivating CAN end, and it happens when you grow a spine, take a stand, and refuse to play along.
#aintnobodygottimeforthat
#aintnobodygottimeforthat
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