Most of us know when we’ve done wrong. Some
people planned it! Others don’t mean to offend or cause hurt, but they do—and they’re
sorry. They didn’t think things through, or think at all. Consequences have a
way of lingering. There is a longing to be restored; to find yourself back in good graces; to exist as if whatever
it was never happened. We wish we had Superman’s power to turn back time and
start over.
There was a phrase in the old Baptist church covenant that
directed believers to always be "ready for reconciliation". That’s often easier
said than done. Many agree to forgive, but forgetting is tricky and offenses
hang on and weigh us down.
Theologian Matthew Henry wrote: “We are taught to
hate and dread sin while we hope for mercy; to distrust ourselves, to rely on
the providence and grace of God to keep us from sin; to be prepared to resist
the tempter, and not to become tempters of others. Here is a promise: “If you forgive, your
heavenly Father will also forgive” We must forgive, as we hope to be forgiven.
Those who desire to find mercy with God must show mercy to their brethren.
Christ came into the world as the great Peace-maker, not only to reconcile us
to God, but one to another…The greatness of sin magnifies the riches of
pardoning mercy…”
Matthew 5:7 reminds us, “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown
mercy.”
Sometimes, the person who is in need of your mercy
the most is you.
You may have no problem
accepting the apologies of others, burying hatchets, and letting bygones be
bygones—except when it comes to yourself.
We can speculate about what others have done, but we know what we have done and said. Our consciences and memories won’t
let us forget, be selective, or in denial. At what point do you stop offending yourself and
embrace the freedom that forgiveness brings?
The only feelings you can effectively do anything
about are your own. It’s easy to get preoccupied
or angry with people who have wronged you. When you refuse to forgive yourself,
you’ll have an extremely difficult time acknowledging, and being grateful for
your own state of being. Blessings
that should bring thankfulness and joy will be burdensome and painful. You’ll settle for less.
Your ambition will suffer.
Allow adversity that is inspired or orchestrated by
others, to consume you, and you'll soon become bitter, spiteful and vengeful,
but it is nothing compared to the anguish associated with beating up on yourself. Being forgiving of anyone will
be difficult if you misinterpret or misunderstand how God operates. He is not
like us—thank goodness.
You'll know when you need a major overhaul of your
heart and mind when "what happened" becomes the topic of your every
conversation--even with total strangers. You'll DEFINITELY know when, every
time you see or hear their name, every
time you pass by that place, every
time that date rolls around, every
time you hear that song, every time
you see that scar, that photograph;
every time you hear that voice, or enter that room, something turns inside you like the first
signs of indigestion. Life’s triggers are something else! When you hear
yourself crying "I'm not over it", or "I can't forget it", “You
don’t know what I did!” RUN, stop drop and roll immediately to God. Get rid of that anxiety! Philippians 4 advises
us to “be anxious for nothing!” NO thing. We have an advocate who has offered
divine help! The Word says in everything make your request known to God…in
prayer…with supplication…just let it all out. Get ugly about it! Cry, yell, but
tell him! "God I can’t seem to be able to forgive myself!" Tell him! All of it.
In detail. Get it out. That verse concludes with the promise that an
incredible, indescribable peace will be yours. It will change your character and your outlook. You won’t even understand it,
but it will keep your heart and mind.
Don't let your purpose in life be hijacked. Don't
let the hijacker be YOU. Let God handle the difficult, unforgiving, critical,
hurtful people in your life. Let HIM take care of every person who became a
willing vessel in the enemy's "steal, kill, and destroy" mission.
Yes. You have options of what you COULD do to make yourself feel better, but
never forget there is a really awesome plan for your life designed especially
by God. He's an expert at making wrong things right. He's a heart changer. He's
thorough, and can do a much better job with His creation than you can. You’re
his child. He loves you. He is Love. That alone is enough to surrender everything
to him.
Refocus. Let go. Remember that you are included in
the “whosoever” whom God loves. If you think about it, the people who have
caused you pain and grief might have been like Goliath to your life, but they
may be dealing with Goliath's bigger, scarier brothers in their OWN lives! Give
your life's annoying, destructive giants to God—particularly the ones you’ve
helped create.
Don't allow ANY THING to hinder you from going,
doing, moving, growing, or learning. In spite of what anyone has said or done
to negatively impact your life, God always has his eye on YOU as well. How you
behave, respond, and what you say is key. Godly is the way. Always ask Him to
monitor your heart and check your attitude. Take the high road. Don't let
anyone convince you that you're a coward or a punk for choosing it. It's not
high because it's difficult to maneuver, it's because the air is better, you
can see farther, and cover more ground. Besides, you need power to climb, and
forgiveness is not optional. That includes
you and how you treat yourself.
Mark 11:25 reminds us, “When you stand
praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them so that your Father
in heaven may forgive you…”
We can be sad, mad, and disappointed when others
refuse to accept our sincerest apologies, but what happens when the offender
and the person who withholds forgiveness is you.
Sometimes we can harbor ill feelings against ourselves and act like martyrs. “That’s okay God I don’t need your
blessings. I’m too bad. I’m too messed up. I went too far. Go over there and
bless somebody else.” We take
inventory of our transgressions and decide that one thing or another is too
terrible for God to consider; we take it upon ourselves to conclude that even
Christ’s sacrifice on the cross isn’t sufficient to blot out certain actions or
words. Perhaps others have forgiven you,
and have forgotten all about what you’ve done, but you are the one keeping it
alive. You wake up every day, and trot down to the banks of the Sea of
Forgetfulness with a bucket and a fishing pole to reel in your own past. Then you
wallow in the stench of it to remind yourself yet again how undeserving you are
of the mercy and grace of God. You punish yourself. You limit and penalize
yourself. You don’t even give God the opportunity to forgive you because you
haven’t even confessed to him what he already knows. Proverbs 28:13 admonishes us: “He who conceals
his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them
will find compassion.” Nowhere in the passage
does it indicate that you are responsible for determining whether you deserve
compassion or not. When God fashioned his redemption plan he didn’t ask for
your input so stop trying to amend it now! He didn’t send his son into the
world to condemn it, but to save it! Come out from under the ashes you’ve
heaped upon yourself and let him dust you off! Forgive yourself! God’s promises
are available to you and he is not a liar. David wrote in Psalm 32:5, “I acknowledged my sin to You, and my
iniquity I did not hide; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the
LORD"; and You forgave the guilt of my sin.” Is that perhaps what is
standing between us and forgiveness of ourselves—that we have not been
forthcoming? We haven’t been honest? We haven’t really acknowledged our
actions? We’re keeping something back, perhaps because it’s too painful? Exodus tells us that God is one who “keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who
forgives iniquity, transgression, and sin”. Why is it so difficult to rest
in that? 1 John 1:8-9 says “If we say we
have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and
just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
All means all! Everything! This and that! While in agony on the cross, Jesus
made an assessment of the hearts of the people. The beloved Son of God could
have asked God for anything. Jesus asked, "Father,
forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." No one asked
him to be so gracious; but he asked God to be merciful. “But you don’t know
what I did, Vanessa!” Join the club. I
can only imagine the people who are soooo glad their dirt was done before the
advent of cell phones and social media! The Bible says all have sinned and
fallen short of the glory of God. No, we shouldn’t glorify our transgressions,
but we shouldn’t wear them like shackles or badges, either. Jesus said love
your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Are you persecuting yourself for anything?
Often, the
depth of the relationship, the time invested, or the degree of intimacy will determine
whether forgiveness will be easy to obtain. Now, who have you known longer than yourself?
It’s easy to give a pass to people that you like and don’t want to lose. One of
the greatest commandments is this: “You
shall love your neighbor as yourself.” If we are willing to forgive others;
show mercy and compassion toward others; if we can give others the benefit of the doubt
why can’t we show the same courtesy to ourselves. Why risk losing yourself
under years of self-sabotage and unrealistic expectations?
We are not doing God any favors or helping his cause
by punishing ourselves and being unforgiving. What we are doing is denying and
rejecting his love toward us. We are demonstrating that we don’t trust him or
his credibility. We’re skeptical of his power. It is tragic to program our minds with
anything other than the truth. The truth is that forgiveness is available for
you, too. If God knows you better than you know yourself and he can forgive you,
change your mindset and follow his lead.
Nesha Danae shared on a recent conference call how
the workings of our minds can manifest in physically undesirable ways. If our minds are overrun
with negative thoughts about ourselves; if we refuse to give ourselves a break;
embrace our own humanity; there isn’t enough medication in the world to
counteract the damage.
According to Dr. Steven Standiford, "It's important to treat emotional
wounds or disorders because they really can hinder someone's reactions to the
treatments, even someone's willingness to pursue treatment.” A reluctance to offer forgiveness can actually make people ill and that illness can become permanent. Doctors have even resorted to employing Forgiveness Therapy to help patients suffering from disease.
Pastor Michael Barry, the author of the Forgiveness
Project warned, "Harboring negative emotions like anger and hatred,
creates a state of chronic anxiety. Chronic anxiety very predictably produces
excess Adrenaline and Cortisol, which deplete the production of natural killer
cells-- your body's foot soldiers
in the fight against diseases like Cancer."
Forgive. Now. Today.
You are one of the people in need of your
forgiveness.
Don’t withhold it.
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