#DEW4U REFRESHMENT CALL: PERSEVERANCE

 “Perseverance” suggests that a course of action has been taken in spite of existing trouble or struggle. Perseverance refers to steadfast, zealous and relentless application; doggedness, persistence, tenacity; stick-to-it-iveness, and fortitude. There is however, a difference between perseverance and tolerating foolishness or abuse. No one is suggesting you do that.

Some days I feel as if I'm in the test of my life. Sometimes you realize you're dealing with stuff that originated before you were even born. In addition to your own stuff, you're directly affected by other people's issues and beefs; secrets and lies; failures and indiscretions, but you still have to keep things moving. If you're like me, the test is difficult people. An old friend admonished me to "stop running and confront". I took the advice, found my voice and even at my age, am still learning how to use it. I knew if I didn't, I'd be avoiding difficult people forever, and possibly missing out on God-ordained opportunities, and personal and working relationships. 

That flight spirit is real. It's too easy to say, "I'm out", but sometimes ease seems like the best choice. You adopt that Jonah spirit, and conclude that everything will be alright if you just get off the ship. God, however, has such a marvelous sense of humor. He'll find you a nice big fish that will ferry you right back to where he wants you to be--where he wants you to represent him in ways you never did before, and speak in ways you were too afraid to because it didn't seem ladylike, respectful, or nice. He'll redirect you to the places where you can heal, mature and prosper. You'll find yourself in an unending cycle of the same test, but with different players and scenarios, until you surrender your anxiety and fear to him, and let him help you navigate the difficult spots.

I like the Message Bible translation of Philippians 4:13---

"I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am."  

We are in a marvelous state of grace! We have access to God's forgiveness, mercy and charity. In spite of difficulties, we can steady ourselves and just keep going! We're like super heroes walking around with force-field capability, but we can't allow our energy to be tapped out. We can't leave ourselves vulnerable to attacks.

My faith is not based on whether or not I happily go along with everything that comes my way. It's not based on me being so worried about offending someone that I fail to speak the truth in love, or ignore what no reasonable person should.  When the cause is righteous and just, how can you keep silent when everything in you is yelling "speak up"? 

Having been hurt, even deliberately and repeatedly, doesn't mean you no longer have some fight in you. Other people's experiences, to me, are the best teachers. My parents used to say "Don't just go along just to get along". In this season of identifying everyone who disagrees with us as "haters", are we missing, rejecting, or hesitant about sharing some really good advice and direction?

As I was thinking about perseverance vs. throwing in the towel, I wondered about the conflict between other factors like humility vs. fear, and service vs. selfishness. My Christianity doesn't render me impaired or mute, or a pushover. It demands that I love my neighbor. How can I say I love God, though, but not love His people? Even the seemingly unlovable, abrasive, rude, mean-spirited ones are not exempt. The theologian, Matthew Henry wrote:  "It is essential that the service of God's people be performed with a willing mind. For LOVE is the only genuine principle from whence all acceptable service of God can spring". 

Love doesn't hurt. As much as we say so, neither does the truth. So what's the origin of that weird pain you feel when you're on the verge of throwing up your hands and saying, "You know what God? I don't want to do this anymore."

When you realize you don't really want to love, like, agree, respect, help, work, cooperate, with, cosign, or support a thing or person anymore, it's usually after you feel you've done your very best, and it got served back to you all mangled and misused. The good news is that there's a loving, strong, and capable God whose arms are open to embrace us when we run out of steam.

Psalm 55:22 reminds us:

"Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved."

The song, "There Is A King In You" moved me to tears the first time I heard it. It is an arresting song. The words literally snatch your soul out of complacency, and remind your identity in Christ. It stirs something that may have been dying on the inside--some abandoned dream, forgotten idea, or lost plan.  I remember a local pastor saying something about revisiting a heart's desire---going back and dusting off a want or wish that you gave up on because it seemed like, after a long period of waiting, it would never materialize.

Some situations just make you want to go somewhere and sit down for a very long time, because you gave it your best shot and missed. Some things just seem to lose their worth and importance. We tell abused people to flee and never return to the scene of the crime, but what about folk who just feel beaten up by the ordinary stuff life brings? Some things are exhausting, and freeing yourself of them seems like the best idea ever. Sitting down and shutting up and disengaging lulls you into a wonderful, perhaps false sense of ease.

Jerry Savelle said," I was a quitter going somewhere to quit". If there was pressure, his solution was to walk away. He said that his lifestyle was quitting. One day he said he got tired of being a failure. When you finally get to a place in your life when you're fed up, desperate, and done with your present situation, it's up to you to change it.

He said, "Determine that giving up is unacceptable and don’t even give it another thought."

A habit of quitting has to be broken. II Corinthians 4:16 reminds us not to lose heart. If I only excel in the things I like, and am comfortable doing, am I really a warrior? Am I a success? A champion? Am I where I belong? Is the place I go to every day the place where I am supposed to be, or is it just safe?

Is the unrest, or conflict I experience a sign, a warning, or a challenge, or just a distraction?  Who is orchestrating the daily attempts to intimidate and discourage me? Does it go toward some heavenly account every time I stick and stay?  What about people who are itching to push your buttons? Does that ever ease up? If I am always running from a challenge maybe my legs will be stronger, but my mind and heart won’t.  I have to know the difference between God's challenges and the enemy's nonsense. I want to develop long-suffering and perseverance. I want to stand.  

Make it a point to continue. Finish the work, No longer allow your tears to fuel the oppressive, mean spirit that others employ to beat you down and stop your progress. Break barriers. I recall listening to a televangelist who was talking about "developing above circumstances and situations"; breaking free of "people bondage" and trusting God to keep you from wearing out.  

Psalmist, Darwin Hobbs sang the truth:

"God is able to do just what he said he would do.

He's gonna fulfill every promise to you.

Don't give up on God, 'cause He won't give up on you..."

We really are works in progress, emerging from our very comfortable comfort zones wherever they may be, with what we have--and what we have is good enough. Begin shaking off whatever veneer is there that you thought was protecting, obscuring, hiding, and covering you when it was really covering nothing and leaving you vulnerable and exposed.

Remember that your confidence is in Christ, you’re who God created you to be, and that you have been delivered from the inclination to perform. You have nothing to prove; nothing apart from God for which to take credit.

God who comforts and encourages us with these words:  "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye."

The Message Bible translates Psalm 32:8 this way:  “Let me give you some good advice; I’m looking you in the eye and giving it to you straight--don’t be ornery like a horse or mule that needs bit and bridle to stay on track.”

If there is a deficit in my life, God has given me power and authority to speak to every obstacle- not run or from them, or even ask Him to move them for me.

Doing nothing is so comfortable- it's also paralyzing. Watching from the sidelines is okay, but is that where you are supposed to be? Supporting from a distance keeps you out of the line of fire. Cheerleaders serve a purpose, but why not play in the game? The opposition will be there regardless.

Some things will pull and draw on our lives. The enemy has not abandoned his “steal, kill and destroy” mission. We can't be his best assistant or help him to extinguish our own lights.

God intended for us to have a particular kind of life. He wouldn't have put it in the Book if He didn't mean it, and He's never lied. He alone enables us to persevere.

#DEW4U

#JustKeepGoing

CAREGIVER DIARIES: BUILD A TEAM

Caregivers need a good, solid, dedicated team.

Sometimes, even your briefest absence exposes the passivity, inattention, uncaring, negligence, ineptitude, bad intentions, incompetence, shucking, jiving, and lack of dependability of those who, in a perfect world, would readily and eagerly relieve you. 

Note how some people panic and feign concern if you say, "I'm going to be out for a few hours". 

They act as if you're leaving your loved one bound and gagged in a broom closet, with a stack of crackers, tap water, and a straw. 

They want to know who's going to be there if you go, but they never say, "Don't worry, I've got you".

 

Don't ever expect help from them. 

Just cross them off of the list. They'd be glad if you never saw the light of day, and in addition to being a caregiver, become a hermit.

Some people only have their eyes on the job, to keep tabs on you--to see where you are, what you're doing, how you're doing it, and if you're being favored or enriched in some way. 

If they had to do the job themselves, they'd fail miserably. 

You see, they know exactly what you deal with each day, and they want no part of it-- in large doses, that is. 

They don't want the work, just the perceived perks. These manipulators foolishly think they have the ear of your loved one, but that's only if there's a common foe. 

They're hoping that common foe is you, but everyone with functioning eyes, particularly your loved one,  is well aware of who's consistently putting in hours, and who isn't.

You do get tired sometimes. 

You lament that some aspects of the job are not fair, and you sometimes, catch a whole lot of unnecessary crap from the most unlikely places and people, as you toil, but that's when you realize, just because it's thrown, you don't have to put on a glove and play.  

You don't have to do everything, and you want to smack yourself for ever thinking that you did! 

You're not alone. 

Help is available. 

You just need to look elsewhere--other than among the usual, and although well-meaning, often useless suspects. 

By all means, skip those who have proven that they merely add to the workload, cause chaos, and upset the apple cart when they do come around. 

Who the heck needs that? 

Just as you have learned your own strengths, limitations, expectations and boundaries, be realistic concerning others. 

Neither you, nor anyone else, can give what you don't have.

Some talk, others do. 

Some are in the trenches, others watch from the sidelines, or fly over every now and then, but never get their feet wet. 

Some are committed; others like to make it seem as if they are. 

Oh, these mofos are gooooood about what they tried to do, were going to do, planned to do, wish they could do, or almost did. They're so swamped, but they expect you to keep them in the loop so they can accumulate points. 

Shoot. That's like working a full-time job, collecting your paycheck, and splitting it with a random person who was laid out on a beach somewhere. 

Nowhere is that right, reasonable, or appropriate.

There's a reason why you're on the job. 

You're keenly, and constantly aware of it, otherwise, you'd have been long gone. 

You're not really sure why others don't grasp the urgency, or see that a dramatic change has taken place in the dynamics of your life, and the life of your loved one, but trying to figure that out, too, is a waste of time. 

Don't be surprised if your opinions of some people take a nosedive, while others emerge as rays of light. Don't resent or become weary of your effort, or frustrated because those who should help you, either can't, don't, or won't. 

It's your test and your assignment. 

You alone know why you do what you do. 

It doesn't matter if anyone else gets it. 

No longer should you be preoccupied with busybodies, noisemakers, agitators, instigators, and slackers. 

There's no need to defend yourself or your actions ever again to anyone--particularly those who haven't lifted a finger, except to point out what they think you ought to do. 

Worrying about what someone else is NOT doing drains your energy and is wasted time. 

No one is indispensable or invincible--not even you. Find a new pool of helpers. 

They're swimming out there, anxious to answer your call. 

The best help, is someone who is committed to the task, has integrity--and thick skin. 

Often, it's someone who has been a caregiver before. Enlist them, and you'll see progress, and even a change in your disposition. 

Stress is a killer. Don't forget that.

Don't waste another minute on do-nothings who specialize in chatter, and by all means discern those who seem to delight in your suffering. 

Confide in them no longer. 

Make decisions. Start anew--with yourself. 

Refresh and rejuvenate. 

Build a team--a good reliable one. I did. Finally. 

It's one of the best things you can do to promote self-care as you give care.

FRIDAY THOUGHTS: MUSIC HEALS

Sometimes, the people who will be the most supportive of what you do, won't look like you. 

We human beings really are more alike than different. 

What an awesome world it would be if everyone would endeavor to find common ground.

 
There's something about those 12 notes (and their infinite, unique combinations) that we all use, that bring us together in ways that nothing else can.

I adore the power of Music.

Thank you, Mommy for encouraging me to find something to do at church---other than occupy a pew...: )

#psalmfullofsoul 
#musichelps
#musicheals

FRIDAY THOUGHTS : TAKE A STAND

They said they wanted to "talk" to me. 

What they wanted to do was gossip.

They just thought I was going to stand there and allow them to dog and accuse another person--someone I know well; someone who has always been faithful, and supportive of them, perhaps, when they shouldn't have been. 

It was so strategic. They couched their complaint as if they were confiding in me; as if I was suddenly their new, trusted ally. My grandmother warned me a long time ago about that dog that will bring AND carry away a bone.

You know how people do when they've (in the words of my late Auntee Lillian), "torn their drawers" with everyone else? They come slinking over to you as if you don't know they'll knife you, too, as soon as you turn your back, cross them, or disagree. 

I saw their wheels turning as they spoke. I could almost hear them thinking, "Oh, she's so nice". 

I was not confused about the spirit that was speaking. It was enlightening and scary at the same time, but for once, there was no trace of passive, wimpy, peace-at-all-costs, me.

When I started asking pointed questions based solely on what they'd said, they became agitated, defensive, and turned on me in a flash. Guess who didn't care? lol...

If I no longer respect you, or value your opinion, what do I care about what you think? You can't hurt me. 

If you have a history of being divisive and untrustworthy will you really be missed? Nope. 

There are people who expect your loyalty in spite of their untruthfulness. They really do think you'll uphold them when they're dead wrong, and help them throw others under buses. That's not a tenet of friendship. That's just plain crazy.

Disloyalty and fickleness don't inspire trust.  

You've got some enemies, and it's not because either of you have done ANYTHING to each other, but because of something a mutual acquaintance has said--and it's time to make some corrections, and shine some light.

My grandmother used to call it "throwing a rock and hiding your hand"--telling one thing to one person or group, and quite another tale to others, then sitting back and basking in the train wreck. 

Some people are COUNTING on your lack of communication with others. "Don't say anything...", "Don't tell them I told you..." --but THEIR mouths are always running a mile a minute. It’s time out for that.

Tangible evidence has a way of quieting a troublemaker.

Stop believing everything you hear, just because a certain person said it. Stop spreading it. Stop micromanaging and inspecting where you are not being paid to do so. 

Take up JUST causes. 

Stop helping a bully beat up on others. 

Stop running to defend what you haven't vetted as a legitimate issue. 

Stop being mad because THEY are. 

Stop being so eager to be the volunteer to tell someone what someone else has said. Embrace the truth.

There's harmony, joy, happiness, friendship, cooperation and contentment to be had, but someone doesn't want you to discover it all, because it won't benefit THEM. 

Fight for it anyway, and once you get it, doggone-it, determine that you will NEVER be fooled out of enjoying it in abundance again.

When you find yourself regularly pitted against someone else, leave no stone un-turned until you find that common denominator who benefits from the discord. There IS one. 

Then, set about fixing what they hope will remain fractured just so that THEY can remain the puppeteer at the center of everyone's universe. 

Too many friends, families, and workplaces are in turmoil because of the words and actions of a hurting individual, who either doesn't care, or has no idea of the damage they're doing.

Stop humoring, minimizing, and making excuses for those you now know are the source of a considerable amount of trouble in your life. 

Speak up. 

Too many people are protecting and co-signing the wrong folk, acting on their narratives, scheming along with them because they think there's some kind of payoff, maligning innocent people, ruining reputations, and feeding toxic environments.

Bring things out into the open, as immediately as possible. It might be painful or uncomfortable, but DO it. Embrace confrontation, and knock the wind out of a gossip's sails. They'll be mad. So what. 

They'll either realize how wrong they are, or go and find someone else to infect--but it won't be YOU.

The culture that broken, mean-spirited individuals have spent years cultivating CAN end, and it happens when you grow a spine, take a stand, and refuse to play along. 

#aintnobodygottimeforthat

#preserveyourpeace

#cherishhealthyrelationships

SUNDAY THOUGHTS: HAPPY EASTER

I can't help but think of Mommy today. 

I'm so grateful that she believed in and loved God, and shared her faith with us. 

Frankly, I don't know what I would do without the Lord.

Mommy was the holiday bunny. She would have spend the weekend cleaning, cooking (maybe some Cornish game hens), shopping, sewing, coloring eggs, straightening and pin-curling her hair--and maybe even correcting papers she'd brought home from school. 

I can just see her in a choir, head lifted, singing, and knowing all of the words to every Easter hymn.

The weeks leading up to Easter were busy ones. 

I remember those treasured days off from school that seemed to fly by so fast. 

There were Easter plays and recitations, passages of scripture to learn, baskets, lilies, chocolate bunnies, dyed-eggs, jelly beans, new white shoes, new dresses, new coats, ribbons, watching "The Ten Commandments", early church service, rejoicing, singing, preaching, and more singing. 

My sister and I could wear our hair "out". (Mommy would wash, dry, straighten and pin curl our hair, too.)

There would be more white, pastel colors, frilly dresses, fancy suits, and big, "say something" hats than you'd ever seen, and more people at church, too. Even as a child, I thought people should at least get credit for having a mind to be at church on such a special day. 

The question was, would the regulars have anything remotely Christ-like to say, or would they be sarcastic, judgmental and unkind? 

Would they be jerks, and give visitors yet another reason why their visits to church were few and far between?

The songs! The glorious songs!

"Christ the Lord is risen to-daaaay. Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-le-ey-lu-oo--yah..." 

I can just see Mommy, Irene Rogers, Thelma Morgan, Emma Davis, Irene Browner, Thelma Allen-Lucky, Viola Richardson, and Annie Mae Richbow smiling; wearing their white surplices; I can hear them singing, "You ask me how I know he lives, He Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiives, withiiiiin my heart..."
I never knew quite how long to hold that note.

On Easter Sunday, there was one dramatic hymn after another...That red or green hymnbook never DID go back in the rack behind the pew...."Up from the grave he arose..." 

That was my favorite part of that one.

After church, there would be a big, Thanksgiving-like meal, brief, long-distance phone calls to relatives, and finally, permission to raid the Easter baskets. 

I can still hear the sound of that colored cellophane rattling. 

I think my love for dark chocolate must have begun on an Easter Sunday.

The days leading up to Easter Sunday were full of anticipation, but a whole lot of work for Jesus and Mommy.

The photo is from Easter Sunday, 1972. 

Mommy was busier than usual, and Daddy was given the job of shoe-shopping. 

As you can see, he allowed my big sister and me to get what we wanted when we went to shop at the Eastover Shopping Center's J.C. Penney. 

He bought our first high heels. 

It was a very happy day for me. 

There would be no more ugly, orthopedic, gun-bolt looking brogans for me for the rest of my life. Heels made my feet look smaller, and me appear taller. Those chunky heels were the reason for my smile--skinny legs and all. I didn't care if my new hairdo, dress, or those flowers were in the shot. "Daddy, can you see my shoes?"

Mommy fussed and shook her head when she saw them. She said something about broken ankles and legs, and us being too young. "I can just see you all now, tipping up the aisle!" 

She told my father he should have known better, but he wasn't one to be in any store for extended periods of time, except the grocery store. 

He'd asked the salesman to measure our feet, and then told us to "Look and see what you want....Get what you want...You like that?" 

No one was more shocked that my sister and me when we made our choices, handed them to my father, and he handed them to the salesman to see if our sizes were in stock. 

When the salesman walked through those curtains with two boxes, we were positively giddy. You couldn't have found two more ecstatic girls as we walked that J.C. Penney shoe department carpet. 

I think we both knew the whole experience would have gone an entirely different way if Mommy had been there.

When we got home and opened the boxes, Mommy was shocked, but she saw how happy we were, shook her head, and let us keep the shoes. 

She totally understood. She liked shoes, too. 

She also understood the pain.

Jesus' feet hurt, too, one dreadful day, and sometimes, when wearing my now beloved high heels, it seems like I'm on a sick mission to feel his agony.

Happy Resurrection Sunday.
Love won...: )