SOUND CHECK BLUES

Imagine singers walking into an ice cold auditorium. They're not preparing to stay very long. It's not the actual performance. It's a routine sound check. Should be a piece of cake.
"They're not ready."
"They're still setting up."
"They don't have enough microphones."
"The ceiling is too high."
"The ceiling is too low."
"There aren't enough monitors."
"There's a hum somewhere."
"There's too much feedback."
"It's too loud."
"It's too low."
"Turn it up."
"Turn it down."
"It'll sound better when the room fills up."
"Who made this stuff? Fisher Price?"
"That wasn't in the rider."
"I never got the rider."
"Something is going in and out."
"It sounded fine a minute ago."
"Can you hear?"
"What happened?"
"Is this on?"
"Is there a Radio Shack nearby?"
"Keep talking."
"It's not on."
"Do they have to be so loud?"
"Are you singing? I can't hear you."
"It's cold in here."
"Are you all finished? We have to open the doors."

Somebody has to go and get some crucial piece of hardware known only by it's complicated numbered/lettered name. Abbreviations and sound engineer lingo is flying all over the place. Everybody is an expert, and knows all the fancy terms to use, and the latest technology, but the sound is still lousy. Everybody knows what to do, but no one is doing it. It's not even a little bit funny. Lots of talking and tuning and yelling OVER the talking and tuning, while the cold sucks the life out of your throat and you STILL can't hear the person standing right next to you. Beeeeep!!! Boooooop!!! Hummmmmmmmmm.....Silence. Good times. *Sigh*
How necessary is "sound check"--that shouldn't-take-all-day event that so often reveals just how much some event planner/coordinator cares about the quality of the music/speaking an audience will hear? The weird, frustrating instances when the sound you hear (or DON'T hear) during a performance, is NOTHING like it was at sound check, makes you wonder if sound check is a nothing more than a colossal waste of time and energy, or an opportunity for the event photographer to capture facebook pics, or yet another YouTube-bound video of performers in their street clothes.
I'm no expert, but I have ears. I'm beginning to think that people just don't care; that excellent sound is simply not a priority in some places; that a SKILLED sound engineer is perceived as a bit of a threat; that not enough effort is made to enlist the help of someone who KNOWS how to fix what ails a venue's sound issues, and/or effectively train the designated volunteer engineer(s).
Is it so difficult to allow someone who knows what to do to help, so that the WHOLE thing won't suffer? Is it better to make excuses so that a thing won't EVER get better? Sometimes, it's not about what supposedly goes along with the territory, but what has been accepted as the norm because no one will challenge or change it. Sometimes, people who DO challenge a thing in an effort to make it better, right, or more effective, get thrown under the bus. It's infuriating to watch a competent person trying to rectify a situation, and having to deal with an insecure person who won't listen, perpetuates mediocrity, and refuses to either be taught, or get out of the way. God forbid someone find out you're not doing your job as well as it CAN be done. Ears have been testifying for a long time:
"We know ya'll were singing. Too bad we couldn't hear you."
"The music was just too loud."
"We were right up front and couldn't hear a thing."
"We could hear so and so, but that's all."
"We didn't hear anything until the second half of the program."
"It was painful, so I left."

FOR DISCUSSION:

1.Do some sound engineers see people heading for instruments and microphones and decline to use that as a clue to at least turn the power on?
2.Is there some childish, power-tripping spirit that makes some sound engineers unbelievably rude, short tempered, impatient, and sarcastic?
3.Ever get the feeling that more attention is placed on the power and visibility of the position than the proper operation of the equipment?
4.Why do sound checks NEVER begin on time, and involve a lot of sitting around and searching for basic equipment that should be in place?
5.Why, when you leave some sound checks, do you have a funny feeling that some sound engineers have no idea what they're doing?
6.Why do people spare no expense for EVERYTHING else, but skimp on sound equipment for an event?
7.Why should an artist's first song (even second or third song) be treated like the subject of an impromptu science project?
8.Why are people who are not musical, making decisions that involve music?
9.When the regular engineer sees a guest engineer, is that a signal to throw a tantrum and sabotage the sound?
10.Is there not some tape, or a sharpie, or SOMETHING that can be used to mark the board so that time won't be spent during an entire concert playing with knobs, buttons and levers?
11.If all of the microphones are the same, is it possible NOT to hear that one sounds much better than another and fix that?
12.Can NO ONE hear when the band is overpowering the singers so much so that they may as well leave the stage and help the ushers?
13.Some people have mastered balance and excellence in venues large and small, on equipment expensive and not so expensive. Is it a skill that is only for a few?
14.How long are buildings going to be blamed for poor sound?
Just wondering.

Oh. One more thing--
Sometimes, a title or self-perceived importance is not nearly as welcomed as a person's ability and attention to making sure things are as they should be.
Everyone is not familiar with the venue of choice. It's not unusual for someone to use the first door they see, especially if there's no one there to tell them otherwise. Event planners should really make sure the overzealous bullies they assign to the door to keep PAYING patrons out, are familiar with the guest of the evening. "Oh, I didn't know who you were. I'm just doing my job." is a sorry, inexcusable reply often spoken after one has been horribly rude to the performers who merely showed up for sound check.