YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A CHRISTIAN!

A few years ago, my daughter was so surprised when she found out that I knew a little bit about social networks. To her dismay, I haven't exactly been discriminating about accepting "friends". I figured that the creative geniuses behind the varying sites didn't include the 'delete', 'block', or 'ignore' options just for decoration. Besides, as for me and my pages and walls, we will not be the least bit ashamed of The Lord. I figured if anyone chose to send a request my way, if they didn't want to see references to my faith they'd keep moving. On the other hand, if they just happened to surf by and stay a while, maybe they'd be encouraged by something they read or heard.

I have to admit, one request didn't go so well. The young woman in the photo was in a very provocative pose. "The Girls" were struggling to stay in their places in her halter top the best they could, but they didn't have much support. The "come and get me" look on her face said a whole lot, and it made me a little sad. She said she was new to the network, and was joining to share her poetry. Okay. I like poetry, but the one poem I did see, helped me further understand the photograph.
I realize that-- even on our best Sally Super Christian days--Jesus, church and Bible study are not in our every waking thought. We are complex beings and we can express ourselves in a myriad of ways using a wide array of subjects. THIS new friend, however, had one thing on her poetic mind. She asked my thoughts about her page. I admit I hesitated, but I suggested she crop her picture in a manner that would show more of her face. Who knows? Maybe all of her poetry wasn't so graphic, and perhaps people could actually read it-- if they could squeeze past the photo. "You have a lovely face", I wrote. "Why not crop the photo a little so that people can see it?" Well, I might as well have told her to hit herself with a bag of quarters. She sent me a pretty nasty reply and said that I was judging her like others had done. Her ACTUAL friends had suggested the same thing I had. I thought I had been tactful and gentle. I am, I told her, somebody's daughter, mother, sister and aunt. I was a school teacher. I told her I had a mother who frequently exercised her right to inspect EVERYTHING that walked out of a bedroom, BEFORE it walked out in public and identified itself as a product of HER home.

I suggested that her photo might best be privately shared--in the wallet of a specific significant other , perhaps. I added that employers, schools and all kinds of God's children--good, bad, sane and insane--view social network site profiles all the time--and often copy, and share the information. ( Over and over again we see the shamed faces of young women who learn the hard way that you can't post everything. One former student wrote, "Oh, Mizz Wims, my bad! I didn't think you recognized me! I'll clean it up..." I think people forget that the internet really is a super highway that gets information around, and, sometimes into the wrong hands, faster than ever before.)

"You're supposed to be a Christian!" the angry poet wrote. The words stung me. Good grief! Can somebody tell me what that's supposed to mean? Hurting other people's feelings has never been a goal in my life. I've been called "nice" as long as I can remember, but too often, "nice" has been translated this way--- "Oh, she's a pushover. Say and do whatever you want. She won't mind, she'll do it, she won't fight, she won't explain or defend, she'll just smile, shut down, walk away, and agree with everything".
I seriously considered walking away from social networking altogether! Someone I didn't even know was suddenly mad with me! The "people pleaser" in me, panicked. I asked myself, "What the heck was I thinking in talking to a perfect stranger?" Then I thought about all of the people who sowed into my daughter's life. I couldn't be at school with her all day throughout the stages of her life, so someone I may never meet stepped in to reinforce my expectations. I wondered if anyone had loved this poetic daughter enough to be honest. So many women sowed into my life--and when I was growing up, strangers could say, 'Little girl, sit down", and guess what that little girl had better do? I'm sure there are a lot of reasons why we choose not to speak up, and pick out battles with a extreme care.
How can we keep silent? How do we know when to ask for cover and go in? Having been hurt, even deliberately and repeatedly, doesn't mean that we lose your desire to steer others from danger, does it? Other people's experiences, to me, are the best teachers. The poetic child of God who sought my friendship, however, was through with me. She wanted me to agree, as in her mind, a good, true Christian would.

My Daddy used to say, "Don't just go along to get along". In this season of identifying everyone who disagrees with us as "haters", are we missing and rejecting some really good advice? The poet argued, "I'm PROUD of myself! I'm proud of my body! I love myself! Do you?" Her defense soon turned offensive. She didn't see anything wrong with her picture or the message it sent, and my concern SURELY meant that I was some envious troll of a woman who didn't love myself.
I'm the mother of an adult daughter and I told her so. I was exhausted. Well doing isn't supposed to wear you out, is it? I realized I was treading on Old Mother territory. Old Mothers get tired of talking and start humming. I apologized and told her to forget everything I'd said. "Put the picture back. Do you". I didn't mean it, but I admit, I was tired of trying to reason with her. Maybe her real friends could get through. Then I thought of the horror if God had ever given up on me. I was caring about her welfare and she was offended. She questioned my Christianity and I was offended. Her poetry may have been great. I'll never know. Here was someone who could have cared less about what people thought of her. I have to admit, even though the photograph worried the mother in me, I quietly applauded her confidence--or was it arrogance? It made me wonder about the conflict between other factors like humility and fear, serving and selfishness.
Some things just make you want to go somewhere and sit down for a very long time. Some things just seem to lose their worth. We tell abused people to flee and never return to the scene of the crime. Some situations just seem hopeless, and freeing yourself of them seems like the best idea ever. Sitting down, shutting up, and saying "Forget it" lulls you into a wonderful, perhaps false sense of ease. Just how accountable are we for the things we decline to say and do, because taking action may incite anger, rejection, retaliation or criticism?