#DEW4U CONFERENCE CALL: STATE OF AFFAIRS

“We ought to have some business to do in this world, and not to live in idleness, and not to meddle with what we do not understand. We must be diligent and take pains. Let us do what we can…We must prefer necessaries before conveniences, and not go in debt…Those who are busy-bodies, meddling in other men's matters, have little quiet in their own minds, and cause great disturbances among their neighbors. They seldom mind the other exhortation, to be diligent in their own calling, to work with their own hands. Christianity does not take us from the work and duty of our particular callings, but teaches us to be diligent therein. People often by slothfulness reduce themselves to great straits, and are liable to many wants; while such as are diligent in their own business, earn their own bread, and have great pleasure in so doing.” ~Matthew Henry

 “Do your planning and prepare your fields before building your house.”~Proverbs 24:27

“Be fully aware of the condition of your flock, and pay close attention to your herds.” ~Proverbs 27:23

Now, I don’t have any sheep or cattle, but I do have affairs that need my attention. As a caregiver, it is easy to lay aside your own needs and wants while attending to the wants and needs of others. You can spend extraordinary amounts of time making sure that others and their business matters are in order, and fail to notice that your own stuff is piling up and toppling over. It is noble, kind and commendable to be of assistance to others, but not to the detriment of your own life. You will soon resent sacrificing for and taking care of everyone else if you look up one day and you’re suddenly the one in need of help. 

Never put yourself on the back burner. That’s hard to hear, especially if you are a parent, have a servant's heart or are the nurturing type. It’s also hard to hear if you’re prone to be the go-to person when there are fires to put out. The first time I heard a flight attendant say, “Put your own oxygen mask on first” I thought it was the most selfish thing in the world! Then it occurred to me, you can’t help that helpless person if you’re unconscious.

The Bible says, “A good man shows favor, and lends: he will guide his affairs with discretion. “ This means being just, fair, and within reason. Not overextending oneself to the point of your own poverty.

1. Laugh often.

2. Honor your own feelings and needs.

3. Trust your gut.

4. Never fear hearing, or hesitate telling the truth.

5. Do what is prudent.

6. Know your limitations.

7. Speak up when necessary.  Don't mince words.

8. Embrace confrontation.

9. Open your eyes. Love what you see.

10. See things and people for what, and who they are--not for what and who you'd like them to be.

11. Be content with the decisions you make.

12. Reject the inclination to explain yourself to those who have no authority over you, and to whom you are not obligated.

13. Be honest about your resources. Don't overextend yourself to please, impress, or appease anyone.

14. Protect your personal space.

15. Know precisely who is in your corner.

16. Don't ever sleep on your discernment. Embrace it.

17. Read on, and in between the lines.

18. Don't be gullible.

19. Embrace "No". Respect your own boundaries, and be careful making exceptions.

20. Refuse to be manipulated. Call out that imp.

21. Be grateful for genuine help. Don't be a martyr.

22. Appreciate conviction, and make changes when needed.

23. Maintain your standards.

24. Go where you are wanted. Enthusiastically celebrate those who celebrate you.

25. Forgive. Don't walk around with residue.

26. Let go. Rope burns are no fun.

27. One thing at a time. Pick your battles and stay out of other people's wars.

28. Rest well--on purpose.

29. Only make necessary apologies. You are not responsible for how others respond.

30. Respect and value your time and effort.

31. Remember it's perfectly alright, and wise, to consider yourself.

POETRY PROMPT: STATE OF AFFAIRS

Neither your tears, nor your weariness mean a thing

Even as the morning breaks

The fitful noise that they make—

Not alarm,  nor emergency

But an arrogant demand

That you should have no need 
Of rest, self-care, or sleep

Not a kind word do they speak
Every statement is curt, and cold
Every day, they sit and brood, 

And hope to find some flaw
Some reason to accuse; 

To diminish what you do
While you work at keeping their affairs in line

There is no empathy, nor gratitude

They think their name, alone, should motivate you

To answer every fitful beck and call

Even when there’s no urgency

They want to see how fast you run

Each day a test

Each day, your back is against a wall

Their complaints and criticisms

Leave your character in tatters

Tales one-sided; with no bearing on the truth

Their aim is to gain sympathy

They so long for the company

Of those who have more pressing things to do

They expect you to simply be

But don’t dare appear to live, or thrive

How do they all forget the ills that brought you there?

Your perceived comfort makes them rage, and so

They're desperate to find fault

And make sure harmony's not present anywhere

But, of all those who do impede

Who try to make your gift a chore

Of all those who'd bring chaos and discord to bear

The last one you’d expect to break your spirit;
Or bring you grief

Is the one whose plight demanded you be there

What you don't do is forget
You have concerns; affairs
Things that are yours that need tending
As much as you tend theirs
Never lose sight of the state of your own
As you restore what is not yours
Note what in your life needs mending

VRW ©2017

CAREGIVER DIARIES: MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME?

You cannot, cannot, CANNOT say, "Make yourself at home" to everyone. 

You'd better know how they keep their OWN home first--AND how they REALLY feel about you. 

People who care,  wouldn't show up and mishandle what's yours, or overstep boundaries. They certainly wouldn't think that behaving like slobs was appropriate, funny, clever, or deserving.

Some people want what they THINK you have, and they have for a long time. They think they're deserving, and are so blinded by intense envy, that they don't even recognize the toll it's taking on their countenances, let alone their lives. 

How do blessed people not see how blessed they are, and instead live their lives coveting what others have, and seeking to destroy it?

Perhaps they were misinformed or misunderstood, and somehow think they're entitled to what's yours. You can spot them. They're arrogance is hard to miss. 

They come around and want to prove to you that they, too, are important, or have some perceived privilege, or special rights. Truth is, they wouldn't know what to do with what's yours, or how to treat it if they DID have it. They'd tear it up it in record time. 

If they show up, make snide remarks, inspect, micromanage, rummage, take, talk a good game, and roll out, you'll know. They don't want the RESPONSIBILITY that comes with access. They might have to actually CARE or open their pockets and purses. They might have to help or do some work. Lord knows, they don't want THAT.

 Oh. Lysol and Clorox (liquids and sprays) are your friends...but I digress.

Some people want you to be their audience while they brazenly disregard boundaries and treat-- like crap-- you, what they THINK is yours, or what is in your care. It's no fun for them when you choose NOT to give them the satisfaction of seeing you trying to maintain a pleasant environment. 

Sometimes, it's best for the caregiver not to be around when visitors descend. Some people are laboring under the misapprehension that the caregiver is "The Help" for them, too. Touch your neighbor and say, "The Devil IS a liar". When able-bodied people announce their impending arrival, that's the perfect time for a caregiver to plan a staycation; take a break; refresh him or herself. 

It forces visitors to assume the position. They'll either happily serve, be more careful, clean up behind themselves, behave responsibly, and respectfully toward the ailing or aged person's home and belongings, or they'll get tired of having to work, shorten their stays, or show up less and less.

When a person disrespects and misuses what belongs to Person A, HOW do they ever conclude that it hurts Person B? That's like going to a hotel, trashing the room, and thinking you're hurting the housekeeper! 

Sure. The housekeeper might be as annoyed as hell by your trifling ways, but the person who is being disregarded, and who will suffer a financial loss is the OWNER. 

The housekeeper can get extra help and resources to clean up what you messed up, there's a PAYCHECK with overtime included at the end of the housekeeper's day, and brand new stuff will be brought in and waiting for the next occupant of the room! 

Being nasty and inconsiderate only makes YOU look like a jerk. Furthermore, you should expect a surprise on your bill--and you may not be allowed to come back, or if you do, your access will be severely limited.

People who are always trying to get under other people's skin really do need a hobby...or Jesus. You have to know someone--have a relationship and history to know what bothers them. Maybe it used to, but never discount that they have learned new ways to deal and respond to foolishness.

Don't make yourself look bad trying to rattle someone else--particularly not in this technological world where your doings can be documented.

TUESDAY THOUGHTS: PREFER THE TRUTH

 

Ever get the feeling when someone speaks to you, that an ENTIRE conversation has been had, and they're coming at you all puffed up, and fired up, on behalf of someone else?

Don't be that person who draws conclusions based on misinformation, and then goes off half-cocked to save the day. You'll not only end up with egg on your face, but you may get some information you can't handle.

God, how I love discerning people!!!

Every Now and Then can't tell Every Day a darned thing, and is a fool for trying. My Auntee Gladys used to say, "Some people don't mind lying".

Too many potentially beneficial relationships are forfeited because of loose-lipped, lying, miserable busybodies. Make sure the information upon which you act is the truth. If you're going to throw shade, make sure it's because of something that was done or said directly to YOU, and not what you were told by some manipulative, alternative facts-spewing imp who's looking for recruits. 

Don't pick up other people's issues and embrace them as your own. Don't mistreat good people based on second-hand information or gossip. 

Watch those people who are always trying to "fill you in" about someone else. 

Watch those people who have, in the words of my dear departed Auntee Lillian,"torn their drawers" with everyone else, and need fresh meat to infect and influence. Watch those people who think their limited knowledge or experience makes them experts, decision makers, and critics.  

If you intend to repeat a matter, don't take the chance of appearing foolish because you listened to and believed a con. 

Don't ever be so desperate for ANY relationship that you get sucked in to dysfunction, and begin to do the bidding of those who thrive on confusion.

If you don't have ALL sides of a matter, there's a gaping deficit you can't afford to do without. 

Don't ever check your brain or discernment at the door. Open your eyes. The truth is the light. If you're going to be in the dark, or on the wrong side of a matter, you only have yourself to blame.

Sometimes we turn a blind eye to what people do and say, because of who they are, and then wonder why strife continues. You can like and love people, but when it comes to their ways, don't be lulled to sleep. Don't defend what is indefensible. Don't become what you wouldn't tolerate. Don't say it's okay when it isn't. Speak up and call every spade a spade. They won't like it, but why WOULDN'T it piss a devil off when you make it known that you can see through their schemes and won't tolerate them, or allow them to hinder your relationships with others?

Keep your eyes open...: )

TUESDAY THOUGHTS: POETRY PROMPT—NO GOOD DEED

She was sweet  

Quiet, and nice

And then, you broke her

She lent her hand

To help you, and

Your anger choked her

With pure intent

No harm she meant

But you accused her

She sacrificed

Years, days, and nights

But you abused her

It was your pride

That formed the weapons

That would wound her

With no defense

Scars, now, intense

Seem to consume her 

She wondered long

What she'd done wrong;

Where right and truth went 

Fighting each day to underplay

Your deep resentment

No good deed goes unpunished

It seems the more she tried

The worse the pain

No good deed goes unpunished

What made her listen to her heart again?

You didn't mind telling great lies

Making her look bad

Then acting like you didn't know

Why she was so sad

And now, she’s cool

Works to the rule

And you can’t reach her

There’s nothing more

In your mind’s store

That you can teach her

Except perhaps:

“Not everyone accepts your kindness;

The more one hurts, the more one hurts--

And they could care less.”

You’ve bruised her soul

Say you don’t know

Why she is silent

You’ve torn her down

And made her question her commitment

You beg her now

To talk to you

But there is no trust

What’s there to share?

You stomped her heart

And now it’s mere dust

You’ve shut her down

Told her “Shut up!

You’re just a woman!”

You made her feel like a black sheep

Like an intruder

Not one whose extended hand was never purer

Not a mother
Not a sister
Not a daughter

Just someone you felt quite comfortable to slaughter 

But deep inside her soul

She knows you truly need help

She knows you’ve burned the bridge that leads

To everyone else

And so, she stays

But now she’s guarded

And rightly so

You could have known the joy she bears

But now her door's closed.

No good deed goes unpunished

It seems the more she tried

The worse the pain

No good deed goes unpunished

What made her listen to her heart again?

VRW ©2017

TUESDAY THOUGHTS: DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!

I read a post a while back, and I'm paraphrasing, but it went something like this: 

"I know the truth, so it's not what was said about me that bothers me the most. It's that you believed it, acted on it, and repeated it-- without question. You've proved that you don't know me at all, and I shouldn't trust you."

When your character and best efforts are continuously questioned, criticized, and maligned, if you're not careful and confident in your own skin, you'll waste extraordinary amounts of time doubting your own competence. 

Sometimes you have to reevaluate whose approval you want and need, and ask yourself why it matters. Perhaps it's merely the nature of a relationship that causes someone to long for acceptance, or a pat on the back. There comes a time, however, when you identify people whose views you need to ignore--no matter who they are. 

Instead of focusing on the affinity that should exist, or fretting about why they don't feel a certain way, you need to look deep and see whether you've lost your mind for favoring their views over your own. Don't give away your self-worth to someone whose own insecurity, failure, jealousy, regret, or fear makes it impossible for them to appreciate, support, or respect anything you say or do.

The identities of the people who will railroad, accuse, misrepresent, and malign you, may be shocking, but don't stay in shock. 

They have to be able to say, "See! I told you so!", and garner support for their cause, even if it means manufacturing information about you. 

Whether it's for selfish gain, to get consent, or a position, to maintain a shaky relationship, rank, or standing, to push an agenda, or to hide their indiscretions, criminality or guilt, their own skin is all that matters to them. 

How their words and deeds impact the lives of others, is of no consequence. You do, however, have control over your responses to their words and deeds.

If people can create an ounce of doubt about you in the minds of others, they think they still have a foot in their doors. They think they'll keep you separated from, or at odds with others. They think their credibility and chances are still intact, and their plans to get rid of you will go forward. They think they have control. What they have are sick minds, jacked-up motives, and their apologies--if they ever offer them--are insincere and weightless. Their apologies usually follow the hurt and bewilderment they experienced after someone ( they held in high esteem ) treated them the same way they treated you.

They'll stop soon, or BE stopped, and usually it will be by their own hand.

The innocent have two choices: Become forever fearful, paranoid, and defensive, or relax and let the truth fight for them. It's just not a good idea to assume that someone else is weak, voiceless, indefensible or afraid. People aren't going to allow themselves to be lied on or misrepresented for long. Those who accuse, and those who believe accusers, will eventually have to answer for themselves--especially when they realize that you have no aversion to the light.

I'm always amused by those who attempt to police others; who sneak in and wreak havoc when they think the coast is clear, then check back to see if their inconsideration, selfishness, and madness had its desired results. Their arrogance and desperation causes them to think everyone else is incapable of reasoning...or sight...or discernment. They really mess up when they think the person, whose reputation they're trying to damage, is not in the habit of keeping impeccable records--not only to cover themselves, but to maintain the integrity of their workplace. 

Those who are personally, or professionally on the receiving end of the efforts of a diligent, competent, and consistent person, are utter fools to allow or encourage insecure people to be disruptive, divisive, and messy. To do so, and then wonder why there's chaos, or why people don't stay, is sheer insanity.

Don't ever get confused, or become a poor judge of character, and find yourself surrounded by, and stuck with incompetent troublemakers who are more interested in what you have, and what they can get, than they are in your well-being. 

People who thrive in confusion will always mess up a good thing; mistreat good people, and then wonder where it, and they went. 

Don't be deceived. Good people don't just up and leave. There's a reason. Something preceded the decision. Too often the focus is on the departure, and not the untenable actions that prompted and necessitated it.

Some people create problems for others, and fracture relationships under the guise of being helpful. 

On the other hand, there are those who are not merely nosy or sympathetic, but they are understanding, and that understanding--and experience-- motivates them to help in ways that count. They solve problems, employ wisdom, are fair, knowledgeable, and build beneficial alliances. Appreciate the heck out of them.

Don't be discouraged. Don't allow others to negatively affect the manner in which you work, or your willingness to help when and where you can. Continue to do a good job regardless of the opposition. Keep YOUR eyes open. You'd be surprised who's sowing seeds of discord and trying to do you in, or have you replaced. Note I didn't say replace YOU. Funny thing is, some people who oppose you the most don't even want the job. What they want are the benefits, attention, inside information, or and praise they think you're receiving. They have no idea what's really on your plate, or what sacrifice is involved. If they DID, they'd stop being jerks and lend a constructive hand. 

I can't say it enough. On the job—ANY job--document, document, document. Sometimes your word isn't enough--even for people who should know better. Document. Be great at it, not obsessive, but thorough. You'll know when things are out of order, or have been tampered with. You'll have dates, times, and places, and in our technological world, you'll have video and audio. You'll have the truth AND facts. Your trustworthiness may be in question, but you'll know better, those who matter will know better, and you'll have proof for those who, unfortunately, don't. 

#noweapon

#documentdocumentdocument