THURSDAY THOUGHTS: ASSESSMENT

Some situations are merely the last straw laid on the back of a lingering issue that, you have to admit, you allowed to linger while hoping for it to change. 

Folk may not understand, as you try to work out in your brain the culmination of years worth of stuff. All they know is you're not your usual self.

"What's wrong with her/ him?", many wonder. Nothing, except you finally, finally got a clue. Getting a clue can often bring your customary happy-go-luckiness to a screeching halt. 

It doesn't stop you from getting the current job done (you haven't totally zoned out), but it will dramatically color how, when, where, with whom, and within what parameters the next job, and the next one, and the next one after that, will be done.

Hoping that people will do right by you, is a nice thing to hope, I suppose, but if it consistently doesn't happen, there's someone to blame-- and that person is in your mirror.

Painful though it may be, there are times when you have to admit you allowed yourself to be shortchanged, cheated, overworked, underpaid, used, taken advantage of, and undervalued. 

You allowed your resources to be depleted. 

You allowed your time to be absorbed. 

You paid to play when you should have been working to earn. 

You complied with all sorts of unreasonable demands. 

You left yourself unprotected. 

You signed away your rights. 

You did the work, the extra work, and the work of others. 

You always cooperated. 

You always smiled. 

You always said an enthusiastic, "Yes". 

Then, you find out that in spite of all you have done, you are no more respected, trusted, or regarded than anyone else. 

There is no real confidence in you or your ability. Your sacrifices, time, energy, effort and work meant little or nothing. You are dispensable, problematic, and treated harshly the minute you need to say/ dare to say/ have the nerve to say, "No".

The person with which you have the biggest issue, now, is yourself. 

You effectively taught people how to treat you. 

By:

never pushing back; 

never standing up, or speaking up for yourself; 

never being honest about what you needed, and wanted; 

never knowing what you should expect, or what was fair; 

never asking questions, doing research, and always accepting what was woefully inadequate without complaint, 

you communicated that you were easy; a pushover. You communicated that you had no clue of your own worth.

Waking up to who the people in your life really are, and how you are truly regarded by them, can be a little shocking, especially if you are passive and relationship driven. 

You have to be on the same page as others. 

You have to, or you will forever be blindsided, disappointed, and confused. 

You can't operate from a relaxed, trusting, casual, friendly, naive place if others are in strict, unyielding, cold, business mode. 

You can't just put your life or livelihood in the hands of others and expect that they won't look out for their own interests above yours. 

If people find they can get something for nothing, can you blame them if they grow accustomed to it? 

If people think more of what they have to offer than the people who contribute to the success of it, can you blame them if undying gratitude, blind consent and indebtedness is always expected?

It's never easy when you open your eyes, and what you see isn't familiar any longer. 

It isn't easy when you have to admit you've been ignoring what's been there all along. 

Your decision to be a little more hip to what's going on in your own life than you usually are, might make some waves. 

Your sudden leap into Assertive Land, may appear to others to be unreasonable, selfish, rude, ungrateful, odd or over the top--even if it is characterized by silence, contemplation, or separation. 

For you, however, making a few changes is just right, and the notion to do so couldn't have come at a better time. 

For you, it's waaaaaaaay past time to assess every aspect of your life, and change some things--not out of anger, or bitterness, but because it's just plain necessary. 

Some folks who've been watching from the wings will be applauding--crazily. They didn't want to say anything, but they've been wondering when you were going to grow a spine--or take the one you already have out of the moth balls.

Don't beat up on yourself. 

Dust yourself off, and keep moving. 

Learn the lessons. 

Know who's in your life, why they are there, and what their respective roles are. 

Set boundaries. 

Know your worth, and the state of your affairs. 

Open your eyes.