TMI

A line in one of my favorite hymns says, "Oh what peace we often forfeit; Oh what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer." It's good to talk some things out. It can be downright therapeutic to get things off of one's chest, but it's better to be able to trust the person to whom you are talking. There's an urgent need for information these days--detailed information. We seem to want to know everything, and news is traveling faster now than it ever has. Are we losing a sense of discretion to our own detriment? In our eagerness to tell all, express all, are we delighting in lacking wisdom?

When the resolution of a matter in the life of someone else has spared one from having to reveal one's own embarrassing part IN the matter, one SHOULD be relieved, grateful, ecstatic even. Sadly, many just don't know when to shut up. You can listen to a person going on and on about a situation for hours, and come away with just one question: "How do you know?" It's ironic when one is so busy bringing attention to a matter that they don't realize when the attention has shifted to them, and their motives.
Bitterness and an unforgiving spirit will cause a person to talk way too much about a thing--so can the need to cover one's indiscreet tracks. People who feel wronged and demand justice certainly need support. They want to be heard. They want someone- anyone to see their point; be on their side. However, it is so important to know that you're actually on the side of right in a matter, AND have clean hands before you set out to expose it, or offer your commentary about it. In an attempt to righteously judge someone else, many do nothing more than implicate and indict themselves.
Light has an uncanny way of not staying in one place, and revealing things on which you are not focused. If you're going to shine the light, you have to know that you are not in TOTAL control of where it goes.
Constantly harping on a situation; purposely slipping it into every conversation, in spite of its relevancy, will eventually raise suspicion about your actual role or interest in it.
Either settle it, or let it go, but talking incessantly about it, to any and everyone within earshot, is unwise. Some listeners are empathetic, while others are reading between the lines, confirming their suspicions, and building a case.
Your own words can trip you and cause you to fall faster than an enemy's strategically placed foot ever can.

MONDAY THOUGHTS: WHEN OPPORTUNITY COMES

There are some things you can do, but just don't want to do.

There are other things you initially think are great opportunities, but after a second look, you realize the green grass is actually artificial turf. 

Some things seem designed just for you, and you weren't even looking for them. Then, there are some things from which you have to walk away, no matter how appealing they may see to others. 

You know what your capabilities and limitations are, but sometimes people take chances on you--see something that you either don't see-- or don't want to see.

Whether you're recommended highly and first, or desperately suggested at the last minute (because no one else is available), it's STILL up to you to perform. The better you do, will lessen the need/demand for an undeserving hookup, should another opportunity arise. 

Do your best, check your ego, attitude, and drama at the door. Do the job well, CARE about the work, lay aside your agenda, refrain from butt kissing, understand your role, study, be prepared, and NEXT time, the person seeking a particular service just may contact you PERSONALLY (sometimes to the dismay of the person who recommended you and expects your eternal gratitude. 

Yes. Some people have no problem taking credit for what God has done, and want you to be beholden to them no matter WHAT happens in your life). 

You don't ever have to toot your own horn. Let others take up that activity if they choose. Spend YOUR time competing with yourself--not in some obsessive way that sucks all of the joy out of what you do, but in an attempt to do an equally effective, or better job than you did the last time.
The biased word of a friend, or the favors you're owed might help you get a foot in the door, but let your value be based on your consistency, competence, and effort, and don't ever let that competency cause you to think more highly of yourself than is reasonable. 

A lot of very talented people still haven't figured out that, although they are excellent at what they do, their own bad attitude is a repellent. They're also paying much too much attention to people with authority, as opposed to people with responsibility. The person with authority is subject to change, and the next person may not be as fond of you to ignore that you aren't cutting the mustard. 

Your gift will make room for you-- the same way a bribe can get you a good table at a restaurant, or a place at the head of a line. When a positive opportunity comes, there are enough external, extenuating factors that can cause it to disintegrate without you being one of them.

SUNDAY THOUGHTS: GIRLS, RULE.

The other day, the following message was posted on my Facebook page:

"I just heard Beyonce's "Run the World (Girls)". 

The First woman, Eve, that tried to do that, messed things up for all of us. Adam messed up by obeying his wife rather than God and the world has been out of order ever since. Only through Christ, His People, especially the Church, through the Holy Spirit do we have some order in this chaotic, mixed up, hell-bound world. Beyonce is sadly, disgracefully mistaken. That's why I thank God for Godly women like my wife,____, my late mother,_____, and women like you Vanessa and the other godly women of Vision!!!"

I deleted the message. It's VERY difficult to take a compliment that is prefaced by an insult to another person--especially if that person is a stranger. The flattery just...well...falls extremely flat. 

My first thought was, "Now what were YOU doing watching a Beyonce video, Reverend? What exactly did you expect from it, a lesson in Biblical Hermeneutics?"

While I wholeheartedly agree that order is of God, and best achieved by way of his principles, I'm not so eager to bash Beyonce or her new song. It stands to reason that my views about it would be different than the Facebook poster's because I'm not a man. The femininity of a woman is constantly under scrutiny, or is often identified as the motivation, or excuse for some guy's unacceptable, unsolicited, criminal behavior--as opposed to blaming it on his own lack of self-control, missing ethics, and paltry moral fiber.

The Bible contains the biographies of women who engaged in questionable behavior, but God used them for his purposes, nonetheless. If we all knew the WHOLE story of our friends, neighbors and acquaintances, we might be less apt to consider them "godly", and more inclined to thank God for his mercy and grace, and gladly extend it to people whose stories we only learn of courtesy of our TV screens.

Judgment will begin at the House of God. That tells me that Beyonce might have a better chance of a home in Heaven than the pastor who wrote the note. 

Fortunately, one's salvation is predicated on confession of who Jesus is, and belief in what God did through him on behalf of humanity. 

Many are quick to add a lot of conditions and extra qualifications to God's plan, because we can't imagine the depth of God's love for ALL people. We make salvation difficult, and try to make access to God virtually impossible. 

Imagine the thief on the cross, and how he had lived his entire life before encountering Jesus. In an instant, he was redeemed. That tells me there's hope for everyone, and everyone would include Beyonce--and who's to say that she isn't a believer?

We give Eve a bad rap, but she wasn't seeking power. She already ran her world, and had been given the authority to do so. She just didn't know it, apparently. She also wasn't alone in her blunder. Adam proved that he wasn't that bright, either. 

Eve didn't order him to eat, or trick him, and remember, HE was the one to whom God first gave instructions. So just how well did he communicate those instructions to his wife? 

The mistake Eve made, was entertaining the words of one who envied her, and hated God. 

There are a whole lot of crafty individuals around TODAY doing the same thing to women that the serpent did. There are power hungry, too familiar, narcissistic, false prophets misrepresenting the Word of God, and persuading naive, trusting women to make foolish decisions-- and then turning right around and using their pulpits to criticize and ridicule the very women to whom they preach! In Eve's quest to gain wisdom, she did something unwise. She wasn't trying to rule/run the world (the way Satan desired to), she wanted to be like God--and who knows what that meant in her brand new mind? Even if her intentions were honorable, it teaches us that one can have the best of intentions and still be wrong.

Some give Beyonce a bad rap as well, but if nothing else, she is a testament to hard work and perseverance. Her message is in no way literal when it comes to "running". Even God said "Have dominion", but these days, "run" can also be defined in the following ways:

1. Produce something higher in quality

2. Succeed

3. Do things exceptionally

4. Endeavor to be better

There's nothing wrong with ANY of that, as long as it doesn't create unreasonable expectations, or an unhealthy sense of self.

Beyonce is a dancer. I've seen more inappropriate moves, and less clothing displayed by church dance ministries. I don't think there's anything disgraceful about giving a girl confidence--not just in her physical attributes, but her personal, professional, educational, and social potential. I have to admire Beyonce's ability to identify and capitalize on her own strengths, and suggest that other girls and women do the same. Any girl who wants to be like her, can't just stop at a good weave, fit body, expensive clothes, and high heels. One can boast, "Oh, I can do that!", but is one willing to do the work? That's the danger of wanting to be like ANYONE. You don't know their back story. They can be one way in public, and quite another way in private. There are women who only APPEAR to be godly, but please don't follow them home. You'll be sadly disappointed. There's also danger in critiquing another person's artistic work. All we see is the finished product, but we don't see the extent of the time, investment, and sacrifice.

Considering the path Beyonce has taken, the work she has done, and her popularity in the world, it would be no surprise to find that she stands by EVERY word she is saying/singing in her song--and rightly so. When it comes to the standards of the entertainment industry she is a profound success. She never professed to be anything other than what she is--an entertainer.  I can't always say that about the self-professed "godly" people among us.

Eve heard that she could be like God from a creature that Bible itself describes as "more clever, shrewd, and subtle". Does that mean that as women, we should aspire to be snakes so that we are not deceived? No. But it does make an excellent case for knowing the word of God, knowing his voice, and trusting that he knows what's best for us. Eve thought that merely eating a fruit would improve her condition--not to BE God, but be LIKE him. Just as it was foolish for her, it's foolish for any girl or woman to think that being Beyonce, in an instant, is an easy thing. That's why an imitator's only option is to be superficial and inferior. Whether one wants to be like God or Beyonce, or both, it takes work.

There's also a bit of sarcasm in her song, as well as the suggestion to be versatile. I hear, "Be feminine, nurturing, independent, and powerful. Embrace education AND a loving, committed relationship with a man, and motherhood. Aspire to be employed, have the means to support oneself, AND be able to purchase what one likes with one's OWN money. I don't hear, "You are a god", I hear "Be strong; be responsible. Have healthy self-worth".

I don't think the song is making any statement that's dangerous to culture or morals. It's not threatening to the authority of a man, nor should it be. If a man is threatened by ANY woman, it seems to me that the proverbial virtuous woman (with HER bad, multi-tasking self), is more of a threat than any contemporary woman like Beyonce could ever be.

I saw portions of the video. Beyonce is an entertainer, not a prophet, intellectual, or politician, although, if you look at the definition of a philosopher, she certainly is one.  She's not advocating prostitution, drunkenness, drug use, or Satan worship. She is a businesswoman and has done well in her field. She is an artist communicating feelings, ideas, moods and experiences, through song and dance--not starting a religious movement. At no time does she deem herself the epitome of godliness, so I tend to respect her a lot more than some people who self-righteously hail themselves as the pillars of morality. We should ALL do our respective jobs as well as she does hers! If our daughters are looking to her for guidance and instruction, or lessons in womanhood, it's our fault, not hers. If we are competing with Beyonce for the affection and admiration of our daughters, and condemning her because she has their attention, that TOO, is our fault.

Perhaps there ARE women who have adopted Beyonce's new song as an anthem, much in the same way women have proudly sung Peggy Lee's "I'm A Woman", Dolly Parton's "9 to 5", Helen Reddy's "I Am Woman", or Chaka's "I'm Every Woman". The lyrics aren't particularly deep and profound, and there aren't any hidden conspiratorial messages.

Women in every generation, for whatever understandable reason, need to feel empowered--even if in their own minds, and contrary to abusive, seemingly hopeless, or menial situations. If Beyonce's repetitive song empowers even ONE girl to get up, get moving, rediscover her dreams, walk away from a loser/user, and reach her true potential, then more power to her. Perhaps the method she used to deliver the message wouldn't be fitting for Sunday morning, but I don't know ANY responsible mother who HASN'T told her daughter that she should be smart, feminine, independent, and financially responsible. What mother hasn't told her daughter that she is capable of achieving her goals, is strong, intelligent, great, worthy, valuable, deserving of the love, respect and care of a good man, an education, AND a wholesome family life?

Some of the most ungodly people dress to fool the public. Some of the most mixed up, hell-bound, disorderly places in the world are NOT the stages on which Beyonce performs, but religious institutions where, what some women and men do, say, and wear, in the name of the Lord, make Beyonce look like Mother Teresa.

As a mother of a daughter, I don't find the song offensive, or threatening to contradict or overshadow any responsible mother's message to her daughter. Girls, whether they are from Houston or not, need all the encouragement they can get. So many women are broken, wounded, feeling rejected, demeaned, defeated, limited, weak, and overwhelmed.

While I prefer to cling to the knowledge that I am the apple of God's eye, fearfully and wonderfully made, and can do all things through Christ, Beyonce's catchy cry in her song just might be the shot in the arm someone needs to get up, ignore naysayers, shake off discouraging words, reject negative pronouncements, and get moving toward abandoned goals and dreams. She is a performer. The person responsible for teaching, nurturing, modeling, and instilling positive ideals in your daughter(s) is you.

I'd like to think that God can use anyone, and anything.

DARE TO BE DIFFERENT

They hadn't been the least bit successful with it, but they said David needed armor like theirs in order to slay Goliath. They thought it would be a good idea--good for him. David just ended up being weighed down, uncomfortable, and looking like an idiot. Their armor, their suggestion. Were they looking for a way to get some of the credit? David already had everything he needed-- and he got the job done without all of the trappings other people wanted to impose.

For some people, it's not enough that you're doing a good job. For them, you will always be lacking without their input, no matter how insignificant and unnecessary it is. Watch those people who think that in order to execute A, you have to have B. Get outta here! A was, and is already being done! B found A doing its thing--and doing it quite well! B just wants in, so it has to find fault, make suggestions, and nitpick! B needs to take a good long look in its mirror; find its own flaws. One of them is the penchant to discourage, be jealous, and expect conformity. 

The superficial ALWAYS aims to eclipse the principal thing and argue how much it is needed. It really isn't--AT ALL. That's like telling a singer she won't hit the right notes unless she's wearing false lashes. One has nothing to do with the other. It, in its insecurity, the superficial just seeks a prominent place. The principal thing doesn't need help to shine. It has power all its own. 

Don't allow anyone to make you feel inadequate, especially if they couldn't do what you do unless they hired a magician AND a genie. DARE to be different. To heck with people always trying to change what is already valid.

MESSAGES

When one needs to get a personal message to someone else, and seeks out a messenger, it would make sense to select someone with whom the recipient is familiar. If nothing else, the messenger has contact information. The messenger, however, is not responsible for the recipient's failure to respond, in a timely manner. While one could conclude, after getting no reply, that the message was never delivered, it is pointless to interrogate the messenger--especially if several attempts to deliver the message have been made. In these days of email, cell phones, text messaging, and a myriad of social networks--and the ancient home phone, NO one can honestly say "I couldn't reach you", or "I didn't get the message" unless they live under a rock, in a cave, in some severely underdeveloped, uncharted part of the universe.
If one REALLY wants to know why there has been no reply, the best person to ask is the recipient...Oh...wait...that's right. If they didn't respond to the initial message, fat chance they will explain WHY they didn't respond and run the risk of finding out why the message was sent, what it contains, and what they are being asked to do.
If messenger A relays a message on behalf of sender B to recipient C, and C doesn't respond, B may conclude that:
1. A either forgot, or deliberately failed to give C the message.
2. A's relationship with C is not strong enough to merit an immediate reply.
3. C knows what B wants, and doesn't want to be bothered with B's request...or B for that matter.
4. A now knows that B is an opportunist.
5. B needs to deliver the message personally.

When you know that your relationship with someone is raggedy, or non-existent, and you enlist someone to relay a message to them, don't be all shock and awe when you don't get a response. What you shouldn't do is hound the messenger. It may make them wonder why, (if you're such good, close friends with the person with which you are attempting to connect), you needed someone else to relay a message for you in the first place.
Sometimes, people seek out those who not only have contact information, but influence and power of persuasion. They assume, "If YOU ask them, they'll do it". Never expect people to manipulate their friends, or test the strength of their business relationships on your behalf. If there are proper channels through which you can go, use them. It may go a long way in getting you the response you desire.

TUESDAY THOUGHTS: THE IMPORTANT THINGS

Last night, I got a phone call, suggesting that I tune in to the local news. 

Out of all of the inspiring, challenging things that Brendan V. Sullivan said to the graduates of the Law Center, the local news thought something else was more newsworthy. 

They didn't mention that Judge Gladys Kessler received an honorary degree, or highlight the valedictorian and salutatorian of the Class of 2011. 

They didn't mention the brief rain, the number of students who signed the Pro Bono pledge, The Washington Metropolitan Brass, or the interfaith invocation. 

They didn't mention the young man, who walked across the stage to get his diploma while cradling his infant child in one arm, and holding on to the hand of his toddler. Nooooo. The evening news decided to go with a spelling error.

I usually pick up on spelling errors. This time, someone else had to point it out to me. No wonder, as we left Healy Lawn, there were so many booklets left on the seats and grass.
There, printed on the front cover of the commencement booklet was "GEORGETOWN UNIVERISTY". 

I looked at it, as the newscaster spoke, and laughed. I'd usually be a stickler for that kind of carelessness. This time, I couldn't care less. I am, and will probably be indefinitely in Hysterically Happy Proud Mother mode. 

Let's see. How about this:

Univeristy- n. a single entity founded upon, and committed to realism and truth

There. A made up definition for a made up word. Problem solved--for ME anyhow.

As long as my baby's whole, government name is spelled correctly on her diploma, and on page 324 of said booklet, I don't care if whomever was responsible for the unfortunate blunder, had spelled "university" with a Y, two C's and an apostrophe. I'm much too overjoyed to care. 

I have THREE of the booklets, and doubt if I'll email the university for a corrected copy. The boo-boo is a part of the day. It’s a lovely punchline to the highly satisfying, commendable, and thankful end of 3 years of extremely hard work, and sacrifice.

I heard my baby's name called, followed by "Juris Doctor". She graduated in February, and walked proudly across the Gaston Hall stage yesterday afternoon, to shake the hands of her professors. She also sat for the bar exam in February--and PASSED (Praise Jesus!). 

She will be sworn in soon in Annapolis. She has a job she enjoys, at a firm where the partners appreciate, value and encourage her.
No typo can change any of that, or dampen my spirits. No amount of needling, giggling, or finger-pointing will change the way I feel. I am beside myself (a little tired from the festivities of the weekend), but STILL smiling.

It's the avoidable mistakes that seem to sting the most. Critics and hecklers, who can't wait to take a swipe at the people who make them, can be cruel. I couldn't care less about them either. I'm too hilariously proud of my baby, and every other hard working student who is now considered a daughter or son of Georgetown University.

MONDAY THOUGHTS: HIGHS AND LOWS

Life is something. After the high of my daughter's commencement ceremony yesterday at Georgetown, sad news came this afternoon. These days, news of someone's death is taken lightly, until confirmed by a reliable source. I was hoping the news was another unfortunate misunderstanding; a tacky mistake, but it wasn't. 

First, my sister called; then Lucy; then Herman; then Robyn. 

I logged on to Facebook, and read one condolence message after another, speaking of shock and sadness, and promising prayer.

It was just like him to joke in his Facebook status on Saturday, "Lawd have mercy....Yall still here? Is dis de end?" 

It made me remember lines from one of his original songs, "You've got to work out your soul salvation. You've got to get it together for yourself...Get yourself together. Do it soon. Get yourself together- don't wait..."

In the 70's and 80's, he brought drums, guitars, and fantastic singers and musicians to Bethlehem Baptist Church, courtesy of the music departments of the city's Churches of God In Christ. 

He'd invite Dale Talbert and the Dimensionals, Kenny Spears, Tony Scales, Tim Linzy, Charlene Nelson, Danny McCrimmon, Pat Barnes and others. 

Clad in Super Fly-esque suits, and sporting a wild Afro, he brought contemporary gospel, and original music to the very traditional church on Howard Road. 

You could hear his foot stomping all the way down in the Maggie Brown Auditorium, as he tested the strength and endurance of the keys on the church's new grand piano.

He was an integral part of DC's pre-Bobby Jones gospel music television programming, as musical director of "Spread A Little Sunshine". 

It was nothing for him to play piano off camera, if a guest or group was missing a musician.

He was one of the few musicians I've ever known who always had (and kept) a good job, his own house, and car, and didn't depend solely upon a position at a church, or random gigs to support himself and his family. 

When he decided to record a musical project, it wasn't a matter of economics, or a desire for notoriety. 

He did it because he just wanted to.

In Young Adult Choir rehearsal one night in 1975, he wouldn't stop playing those chords until I started singing. 

I kept shaking my head, "No". 

I had never sung a solo, and liked it that way. 

I was hoping he'd just give up, and move on to the next choir member. I was about 15 years old, and really scared. He kept saying, "Come on. You can do it", so I just closed my eyes, tried to channel my inner Tramaine Hawkins, and have been singing ever since--with my eyes closed.

He was recently in the audience at Blues Alley. He loved music, and encouraged so many to love it as well.

Rest in peace, Crevante Anthony Proctor, Sr.
My condolences to his son, Crevante, of whom he was extremely proud, his family, friends and the New Bethany Baptist Church congregation and music department.