WAITING

I'm imagining that some people who are now rigid, uncompromising, ruthless, overbearing, and litigious, were probably once very gracious and giving at one time, but got jerked around one time too many, and decided that "nice" just wasn't the way to go.

I was waiting for something, and I admit I was wondering if I should have stopped expecting it. I was tempted to take a poll and see if I was the only one still waiting. I was afraid of the results. I was very close to chalking it up as a lost cause, and deleting a contact. I stopped corresponding because I knew I couldn't handle another obvious lie. Sometimes when you're talking to someone who you KNOW isn't telling the truth, it's more painful for you to listen, than for them to try and come up with ANOTHER whopper to match the last one they told. You just want to stop them mid-sentence and spare them yet one more thing for which to repent. Among my options were to be angry and disappointed, or continue to wait. I chose neither. Lesson learned. The joy is that God will not allow you to remain discouraged--unless you just want to be. He already knows how things are going to play out, so if you just stay focused and don't allow yourself to get distracted, or make things worse by losing your cool or involving others who have no dog in the hunt, you'll see how He turns crappy situations around for the better.

I got what I was waiting for. Better late than never, I suppose.

Sometimes when you're passive, or perceived as a pushover, you become expert at waiting, understanding, making excuses for others, second guessing yourself and your judgment, fighting frustration, doing without, and suffering loss. People have no problem ignoring, giving a sob story, or just flat-out lying to the face of a passive individual. They come to you, Passive Person because they know you won't bite back. They come to you because they know you will deliver. You're easy. You'll smile. You won't be a pest. You'll do the job--heartily as unto the Lord. You'll wait--often indefinitely. No diva drama, no trouble, no demands, no complaints. No wigging out. You're motivated by mercy, you're helpful, and some people play on that fact like it's a fiddle.

The "squeaky wheel", on the other hand, "gets the oil", and is able to immediately roll on to the next thing. No one wants to hear the ear-splitting noise it will surely make if it doesn't get its way. It doesn't even have to perform with any excellence, efficiency, or for a reasonable duration. It will be attended to, compensated and rewarded just to stop the noise it guarantees to make. Squeaky wheels won't let people off the hook; they have long memories, aren't forgiving and can be vindictive. They make trouble. Squeaky wheels are going to get exactly what they seek-- in full, and on time, while the passive continue to wait. The squeaky wheel doesn't care what you think about it as you wait-- and it proceeds to the bank. That alone can be infuriating to an easy-going individual, but you don't have to act a fool, or put circumstances and people on blast. You don't have to be profane, make a scene, and damage your witness in an effort to get people to do right by you, but DO have the courage to speak up for yourself...and if in speaking up, you never get what is due you, an opportunity is lost, or a relationship is severed, then determine not to have to re-learn a valuable lesson. Determine and accept that, no matter how exciting they may appear, some things are not worth your time, talent or effort if, in the end, you are left feeling like an idiot.

Users, cons and manipulators do not enhance you in any way--especially the ones who call themselves friends. Some supposedly great opportunities are in fact another person's attempt to get over on you, use your resources, and make a profit and a name for themselves. Whether you can pay your bills on time is of no consequence to them. It is vitally important that you know the terms of the work you do--before the work begins. Don't think you're employed, only to find out later that you have been a volunteer--or worse a slave.

You hate to think that you've been taken advantage of--that your kindness and willingness to cooperate have been abused. If it's a fact, face it. Make up your mind with whom you will do business, in what you will participate, to what you will lend your support, for what you will exert your energy. Don't allow people who mistreat you to make you feel bad for disallowing their mistreatment. It's amazing when people want to know where the people they've abused have gone, and why they don't want to play any longer! News flash: They are somewhere being treated with respect and regard--hopefully. They have decided to deal with people of integrity--hopefully.

It's true. When people show you who they are, believe, believe, believe them! Did I say BELIEVE them? Some people have so mastered the art of deceit that they believe their own tall tales and schemes. Call them out on their words and don't be surprised if they are highly offended and respond with even taller tales. You can pray and hope that shady, fork-tongued, messy, gossipy, dishonest people will turn over a new leaf, but if they're still on the same old page every time they seek you out, say, "Thanks, but no thanks". If their language, propositions and demeanor STILL make you feel as if you need to immediately clean off the bottoms of your shoes with an industrial strength detergent, and soak your feet and ankles in Clorox, cut the conversation short. If you ignore every bell, whistle and flag and go along with the program, then any suffering you endure as a result of foolishly dealing with them again-- and expecting things to be different-- is your own fault. If things ARE different, thank God for answering your prayer--but don't get suckered again. Your mama may have raised an easy-going individual, but let her be proud that she didn't raise a fool.

WAKING THOUGHTS

It's raining today. I love the way the rain makes everything appear so much more defined and clear. The grass looks greener. The buildings take on different hues. The streets seem to shine.
The sound of cars passing on the streets make it sound otherwise, but it's a gentle rain that's falling today. The leaves are falling, too. One tree is almost empty of its yellow leaves. I see burgundy and orange and brown overtaking the green in other trees on my street. Perhaps I missed the height of the fall colors last week while I was away, but there's still much to see and admire. Still, even though it's a little chilly, it's beautiful outside.
I appreciate the opportunity to see each season change. For me, it's one of the countless reasons to believe in a great God. I mean, who can orchestrate this kind of splendor and beauty with such precision? There never seems to be any struggle--no argument or hesitation. Each season begins and ends like clockwork, giving us not so much what we want, but what we need. There are so many lessons, I suppose. The changing of the seasons teach us, among other things that:
Things change which demand that you adjust.
Harsh conditions exist, but don't last.
Beauty can always be found.
Be prepared in the event that the atmosphere tomorrow is drastically different from today's.
Try to find the good in every situation.
Sometimes what seems to be an inconvenience is actually a tremendous blessing.

WEDNESDAY THOUGHTS: OBSERVATIONS

Face it. 

There will ALWAYS be someone who can do what you do--and do it much better. 

You may not have met them yet, but should you encounter such a person, rebuke the spirit of foolishness and anxiety that will cause you to puff up, lose your manners, and act childish or rude.

Instead of immediately considering another person as a competitor, or a threat to your position, livelihood, and existence, try to remember that there is a thinking, feeling, human being behind an individual's talent--a human being who doesn't deserve to be treated like crap just because they happen to enter into your arena. 

It is a mistake to assume that you have any area of this life on lock down. 

Die, and see what happens.

Some situations serve to show you what you don't want to be, or become.

Cattiness is not attractive. 

Jealousy is poisonous. 

Insecurity is a disruptive, divisive spirit whose mission is to make others feel inadequate or inferior, while making you appear small-minded, petty and desperate. 

Don't ever botch an opportunity to genuinely applaud someone else---or make a new friend---because you have overestimated your own grandeur and believed the hype about your own ability--ability you can neither demonstrate nor sustain, without the help of God.



If you make a bargain, honor your end of it. 

If you choose not to, don't be offended if people become leery of doing business with you. 

After a while, the only thing they will understand is that you are shady, and they'll remember it no matter how sweet the next deal may seem to be. 

Perhaps the patient become expert at waiting, and the squeaky wheel does gets the oil, but don't think that you have to get litigious, loud, act a pure fool, or be an insanity-inducing pest to get folks to honor their word. 

Sometimes it may not seem like it, or feel like it as you wait for what should already be in your hands (or checking account), but integrity is still alive and well.



Have you been taken advantage of? 

Has your kindness been viewed as gullibility or desperation? 

Are you tired of the condescending tones and patronizing behavior of people who seem to forget that you were minding your business and THEY came looking for YOU? 

Determine that all mistreatment ends today...and you don't even have to be mean about it. 

Stop considering shoddy treatment as a favor. 

Stop thanking those who misuse you, your time, and effort. 

Remember that nothing is worth you losing your self-respect. 

Don't make excuses for the inconsideration of others. They know what they do--and unfortunately have a pass to continue because you have allowed it.
Stand up for yourself. It doesn't require arrogance, profanity, or a nasty attitude---only truth.

No. You haven't changed. You've just peeped some people's MO...finally...and they won't want to deal with the less gullible version of you...and that's just fine. 

For once in your life you won't be wasting time, effort, and resources on users, cons, and crooks.

MONDAY THOUGHTS: ON THE JOB

Creating harmony doesn't require an ID check, or an inquisition. Never mind who someone is, or whether you've heard of them or not, just do YOUR part.

Don't be surprised if someone you would least suspect has badmouthed you, poorly rated you, or even lied to keep you from participating or succeeding. When you find out who "they" are, remain calm, make a mental note, and keep striving to do your best....and don't be surprised when God knocks down a wall and installs a door right next to the window they boarded and nailed shut.

There's always a matter that folks seem to forget that is just as vital to the work as everything else. Don't let neglect or carelessness in any area cause you to despise the work you love, or decline opportunities. Throwing the baby out with the bath water has never been a wise move.

"Back to the real world" doesn't have to be a depressing, remorseful expression. 

Your "real world" can be filled with as much joy, beauty and wonder as you like.

Never apologize for resting or taking a break.

God is so wonderful! 

Daily, he shows his love. 

Daily, he confirms that his hand IS on your life. Daily, he proves that he is a provider. 

God blesses in such a way that makes you crack up laughing at all of the blocking, cattiness, shade, rejection, and criticism you have experienced, and want to bake a cake for every person who tried to exalt themselves and manipulate your present and future. He opens doors so perfectly.
When you realize that his is an automatic door, you'll stop pushing and pulling--and banging and kicking. You'll understand how he trains and equips you with what you need to take on the tasks assigned to you. When you realize that you'll never get and keep what doesn't belong to you, you'll stop competing with others who do what you do, and be able to maintain a level of fun and excitement as you undertake tasks. What you love to do will never become a chore. When you realize that someone, somewhere appreciates you exactly the way you are, you'll be content to be yourself, to raise your voice, to make your mark. It will retain its uniqueness and integrity. When you realize that everything belongs to God, and nothing was made that He did not have a hand in, you will be able to glorify Him no matter what circle you are in; no matter where you are or what you are doing.

No matter where you go, be consistently nice, gracious, and polite. That way, when you find out whose company you were in, you won't be reduced to a sweaty-palmed, embarrassed mess while groveling, sucking up, or apologizing for being pompous, dismissive, shady and rude. It's hard to recover from being a jerk partly because everyone who has experienced your brand of jerkiness has not mastered the art of understanding forgiving and forgetting. 

Check your words and behavior. 

Think before you speak or do, make assumptions or critique. 

Egg might be good for the complexion, but not for the face.

SUNDAY THOUGHTS: REMEMBERING THE CAPITAL JAZZ FEST SUPER CRUISE

I'm home. 

Actually, I got home yesterday afternoon. 

The US Airways flight rocked and rolled all the way from Fort Lauderdale, but I was too happy to care.

I've been up and about today, but not moving with any deliberate speed. Perhaps one should build in post-cruise vacation time. 

I decided to start dinner a few hours ago--just a reminder that I'm back to preparing my own meals.

I spent seven wonderful days aboard the beautiful Carnival Liberty for the Capital Jazz Fest Super Cruise. 

It's only the second cruise of my life--the first being last year's Super Cruise. 

If my brief experience is a barometer, they get better each year. 

I didn't find out that I was going until the end of September, and it was a pleasure to learn new music and refresh my memory of older tunes. 

I really do love being a background singer. 

It's great to be able to encourage and push someone else. 

It's an honor to perform beautiful music and let the people that you admire know how much you respect them and their musical offerings.

I'm tired today. I'm not complaining, though. 

I think you can have so much fun enjoying what you love to do, and appreciating the wonderful talents of others that you can literally wear yourself out clapping, dancing and singing along. 

The cruise was just great. 

I was so happy to have my daughter with me. She got a chance to sing background vocals with Leela James. That tiny little woman is fantastic! 

She wasn't even feeling well, but gave her all in the Atrium on Friday night. Good Lord! What on earth would it have been like if she was feeling up to it? 

It was such a joy to watch the young folks! 

Whew! Lisa, Maimouna and Paige made me so proud. Their work ethic was so admirable, and when it was time to back Leela, the time they'd put in working together on their own really showed.

I loved backing John Stoddart, Kevin Whalum, Phil Perry, Jonathan Butler, and even got a last minute call to sit in with Kirk Whalum's set for The Gospel According to Jazz. 

I especially enjoyed working with Troy "Sol" Edler and Stony Ellis. 

I say it a lot, but a good attitude is everything. When there is unity and a pleasant spirit of cooperation, there's no burdensome chore, but a welcomed, stress-free experience. 

Too many people are so busy competing, fostering strife, and trying to begrudge others of opportunities that they miss out on the joy of hearing harmony. 

It doesn't matter who you are, but when gifts and talents come together, it can be a beautiful thing or a nightmare. 

Right spirits are so important. People can physically see when contention and cattiness is afoot, and it affects everything. 

It's great when people only want to do their part in order to enhance the whole. 

Thank God for good people. 

I met so many nice people and was happy to establish new working relationships. Two of my favorite singers, Ledisi and Lalah Hathaway were also on board, and their performances alone would have been enough for me--but I was treated to so much more. You could literally just walk around the ship and catch amazing sounds.

I enjoyed wonderful meals, (the lobster bisque was delicious) walked more than usual, window shopped in Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands, and spent time just looking out over God's beautiful ocean. I didn't get a chance to get off of the ship in Grand Turk, but it was okay.
Every night I felt as if I was being rocked to sleep by the waves. No nausea, no sickness. 

I have so much to say, but will stop for now. I'll close with this: Don't EVER allow another person's insecurity to cause you to feel inadequate or unqualified. God has lots of stuff and he's not stingy. He WILL make a way for you to be exactly where you should be, and when he does, give your best--for HIS glory.

#workingvacation

#bgvlife

#capitaljazzsupercruise

FOR MY DAUGHTER

I remember when I painted the picture. I'd always wanted to paint my baby, and learned that the best time that she was the most perfect model, was when she was asleep. She's not a baby any more. She is quite a remarkable young lady, and I couldn't be more proud. I watched from the window one day as she drove away. I thought about how independent she is. So focused and determined. I can't thank God enough for the child he gave to me.

AS I AGE

(For My Daughter)

Sometimes I feel the child I've raised

Is leaving me behind

It seems that she's exceeded me

In strength, and heart, and mind

So focused and determined

Aggressively does she

Move through life with purpose

Boldly taking on each deed

Sometimes I feel just like a tot

Crying, "Wait for me!"

"Wait! Let me catch up with you!

Let me go with you, please!"

And then I remember the prayer

I prayed once, as she slept

Everything she is today

Reflects a promise kept

God has so endowed her

With all I lack and more

She's everything I hoped she'd be

His child and so much more

I asked him to protect her

And cover her with grace

I asked him to surround her

And guide each day she faced

I asked him to please keep her

Speak always in each ear

Carefully map her every step

Remove all doubt and fear

And He has done just as I asked

So why am I surprised?

When I look at my dear child

I see God in her eyes

copyright 2010 VRW

TUESDAY THOUGHTS: WHEN THE JOB IS DONE

I recently got a call to work at an event. 

I was told when, where, and the occasion. 

I was told what to do, and who else would be participating. 

I went. 

I did what I was asked to do. 

The event ended. 

The happy person who greeted me and the other participants when we arrived, was suddenly nowhere to be found.

 

I waited around with others, who had been on the job. 

The contact person finally approached us, gave us compliments, hugs, and hearty handshakes, and then walked away.

 

We all looked at each other with what were obviously familiar expressions on our faces. 

The look of The Screwed. 

That wide-eyed, mouth agape, wrinkled brow that says, "Doggone it, it happened again".

 

None of us expected to leave the event empty handed. 

Our thoughts turned to the person who had enlisted our participation in the first place. 

Had our services been offered up for free?

 

Once again, we were left feeling stupid. 

We all shook our heads.

 

It was our fault. 

We should have cleared it all up before we even left home. 

We've been engaged in the work far too long to still be stiffed AFTER the work is done, or made to wait an undetermined amount of time to be paid. 

The most difficult part to swallow was that the whole thing had been orchestrated by a mutual friend.
I imagined how the conversation went:

"Hey. I need some people for this event. Do you know anybody?"

"Yeah. I know who I can get"

"They're not going to charge me an arm and a leg, are they?"

"Naw. They're good peeps. I'll take care of them".

It's true. You teach people how to treat you. 

What's stopping someone from using you, if you allow it? 

When people know they can get away with unscrupulous behavior, unless they're stopped by force-- or their own integrity--they usually proceed. 

You've got to decide how regularly you are going to allow yourself to be impacted by the inconsideration of others. 

You've got to decide whether or not your time and effort is worth something. 

You've got to know when you are employed and when you are celebrating volunteerism. 

Not knowing, can present a huge problem, and if you're not a fan of confrontation, the person who will get saddled with the bulk of your frustration, is you.

When the job you've been hired to do, (or you assumed you were hired to do) is done, and it's time to be compensated, why do the very people who employed you suddenly act as if they have amnesia? 

Why do they suddenly adopt blank stares, as if they have just been returned to Earth by their alien kidnappers? 

No. Why are YOU left waiting around as if you're begging for a handout? 

Why are you treated as if you've stolen something? 

The questions of the hour, after the work is done, are:

"Why hasn't someone approached you with some kind of negotiable tender, or AT LEAST given you some indication as to when you should expect to receive it?" 

Why isn't compensation FOR the work handled as efficiently as the execution OF the work?

How people are to be paid for their work, should be discussed right along with everything else concerning the work, shouldn't it? 

How does compensation become a non-issue? 

How do people FORGET to pay for the work they contract? 

The employer didn't have to wait for the work to be done, so why do you have to wait to be paid?

Save yourself a lot of grief. 

Know the terms of an assignment BEFORE you take it on.

I'm beginning to wonder if some people think that you, unlike them, do not need money to survive. They need, want and demand theirs. You? Oh no. You're fine. Your bills are obviously paid by the Happy Bill-Paying Fairy. 

Do you REALLY look like you have it like that? 

I think some people are laboring under the misapprehension that you are sustained by air and their compliments. 

There are people who want what you have to offer--often at the very last minute, and for indefinite periods of time--but there is no mechanism in their brain, and no urging in their heart, that motivates them to show appreciation for what you do, by paying you for your work.

 

There are people who are constantly expecting others to make an investment without ever seeing a return on it. 

All the while, they prosper as a result of the labor of others. 

Oh no! Sounds like slavery has made a sophisticated comeback.

I have found that the most arrogant and demanding people are the stingiest. 

People who want the best for themselves, don't mind if others exist on mediocrity. 

People who want their money in hand, before they lift a finger, have no problem making you wait for yours--or not get it at all. 

Apparently, you should just be happy to be on the job.

There are those who delight in bragging about who they know, and how easily they can retain the services of others, but have absolutely no regard for how the lives of their acquaintances are sustained. 

They've amassed a list of go-to people who they know are capable of getting a job done. 

What they HAVEN'T done is shown an ounce of respect for the fact that what the people do is WORK that is worthy of compensation. 

It's hard to exist in a work environment, and maintain a positive attitude, while knowing that money has been spent for various, often frivolous things, yet none has been reserved for the people who actually do the bulk of the work. It makes you wonder just how vital your participation really is. 

It makes you wonder what perception of you is held.

Have you inadvertently established a reputation of being reasonable, gullible, easy-going, averse to business, or willing to lend a hand? 

You're "nice", "humble", "helpful". 

That may be true, but if you keep dealing with certain people, and don't get a clue quickly, you may soon add "broke" and "homeless" to the list. 

It shouldn't cost you to work. 

If, in the course of your work, money is regularly flowing OUT of your accounts, and rarely flowing in, surprise. You are a volunteer.

"God is going to bless you" is nice to hear--and thank God for that, because if you are waiting for some people to follow through with writing a check when you are done with the job they've arranged for you to do, you may be waiting a very long time.

People get awfully tense and offended when they ask you if you have a fee for the services they seek, and you actually give them one. 

They also seem to forget--while they cry broke--that you didn't call them. 

The decision to spend ANY time at all doing something for no compensation should be YOURS. 

If you're like me, and have an embarrassingly long history of walking away from numerous jobs, and the only thing you have in your hand is traces of sweat from the palm of someone who shook it and said, "Thank you", you are probably re-evaluating how, and with whom you do business. 

“Thank You’s” are nice, but they're not legal tender. 

What IS it that causes people to consistently expect something for nothing?

Some people want others to assume they are big shots, but their business practices are poor at best. 

They want to have access to resources, but care less if those resources are replenished. 

With the advent of Paypal, all of the usual lame excuses for NOT being paid, have lost their validity. 

There's no reason to leave people high and dry, unless there was never an intention to pay them in the first place. 

If you have worked, you shouldn't have to go through a lot of any colored tape to be paid.

I'm not saying that I've divorced myself from helping or volunteering. There are times when it is necessary to serve, but I've made a few mental notes. If I am going to volunteer, the first person who will know it is me.

Suggesting people for a job should be followed by  "I respect them, their time, and the work they do". 

Before you obligate others for a task, you must know that doing a favor for YOUR friend, associates, or business, requires YOUR time and effort. 

Don't be surprised if the people you call on to do the job, are laboring under the justifiable assumption that they are employees--NOT volunteers. 

Promising the labor of others, without arranging fair and timely compensation for the work they do, is the first lesson in Pimpology 101, and some folks, I'm afraid, are one Super Fly hat and a platform shoe away from earning a diploma. 

How many times do people have to find themselves in the uncomfortable and disappointing state of Hoodwink, before they decide that enough is enough?

 

I suppose you just have to make a decision as to what you will and won't do; who you will and won't deal with; whose calls you will or won't take; who is good for a handshake deal, and who must remit a deposit and sign an iron clad contract. 

No more dealings with the shady, the manipulative, or the dishonest. Their promises and flattery don't buy groceries. 

A good way to lose friends is to use and abuse them by devaluing their work and worth. 

Maybe it's not a novel concept, but I wish people would treat others the way they would want to be treated--ESPECIALLY if they are in the same line of business. 

Those manipulative buzzwords, "exposure" and "ministry" already have valid meanings. 

Neither is a synonym for "free services".

There may very well be millions of people who will want the job you have to offer, but there's a reason why they were not called upon. 

They, no doubt, have a "cash up front" policy to protect themselves and their precious time. They've been in an empty pockets position, and have no desire to experience it again.