WEDNESDAY THOUGHTS: DAD QUOTES

"We can't park here...Don't get ready--BE ready."

"When the Holy Spirit visited me, it was exciting...One of the most important things you can do, is acknowledge your sinful ways, and ask forgiveness. God is faithful and just to forgive all of your sin. That's good news."

#caregiverdiaries

REALITY BITES

Be careful of who and what you envy. 

Sometimes people try so hard to get you to see what they WANT you to see, that you mess around and see what's REALLY there. 

Reality not only changes your perspective, it alters your view of the people who are so desperate for your attention. 

It makes you aim higher than the glitter you thought was gold, and go for the real deal. 

It makes you think smarter; be wiser, and make better choices. 

It makes you realize that there are times when nothing is better than something. 

The revelation of the suffering that God has spared you, by not allowing some things to enter or remain in your life, will make you want to dance. 

If your ship is tight and impenetrable, it will be obvious. 

Work on the core of it, not the facade. If you have to put on a show EVERY time you encounter certain people, it only serves to communicate that all is not well with you.

 

Own the truth of your situation. If it's broken, own it. Don't worry about what others think or see. Use your energy to fix what you know is wrong. Shore up the foundation. Repair the fractures and breaches, but don't pretend they aren't there.

Don't try so hard to make others covet that with which you aren't even satisfied. It only brings your wisdom, sanity, self-worth, and decision-making skills into question.

You ALWAYS have a choice. 

There is a difference between making an investment and dressing up failure. 

I paint, so I know a whitewash when I see one; What's underneath can be covered, but it never really goes away. 

Whether it's for cosmetic purposes, or to hide a glaring mistake, the truth is still there. 

For gloating and posturing over the whitewash to work effectively, it has to be done before an audience of those who don't know any better--who can't see the streaks. 

Endeavor to have something that's real and functioning properly if you're going to boast. Have something worth having. Painting it, or a situation to make it appear coveted and perfect may make you feel better, but every time you trot it out into the light; every time you bring it out from behind closed doors, discerning eyes will see what's authentic and what's not. 

When it is widely known that what you have is fake, defective, unstable, inconsistent, troublesome, unfaithful, or untrustworthy why would you think that anyone would want it in their lives? 

When others see that you have no control over what you have, because it has proven it cannot be, or does not wish to be improved upon, changed, tamed, fixed, or made new, what makes you think that anyone wants any part of the stress it causes you? 

Besides, others don't have to covet what you have if it is readily available to them because it makes itself so. 

There's are reasons, however, why others declined to have something in their lives--even if it is offered on a silver platter. 

They know that although it looks good, it is faulty. 

They also see the misery, effort, expense, and embarrassment it causes you, and decide that your experience is the best teacher. 

How tragic to deceive yourself into thinking that you are envied and favored, when what you really are is a walking billboard for what not to be, have, want, say, think, or do.

Parading and broadcasting a lie to those who know the truth is a futile exercise. Perhaps, instead of trying to make yourself feel better by thinking that others want what you have, you should examine why, after all of the blood, sweat and tears you've invested, you even want, and still hang on to it.

No one is sitting around wishing they could be in another person's anxious, stressful shoes. 

Insecurity is loud, antsy and unstable. It's pushy and all over the place. It distorts a beautiful face, and stresses the heart. It makes an otherwise rational person continue to desire, hoard, support, and finance what is sucking the life out of them, and giving them nothing but grief in return.

Be it human or inanimate, actual or personified, don't waste time mourning a headache or heartache. 

Too often people spend time mourning what they thought, wished, and hoped could have been, as opposed to celebrating the termination of the hell that was. There's nothing good about a headache--except maybe that it serves to expose a more serious issue in you that you need to have corrected, or eliminated immediately. 

If you can't manage getting rid of the aches on your own, hire a professional. 

Self-medicating and over the counter stuff might not be potent enough. Those aches are warnings that something needs to go--and stay gone. 

Don't excuse, sugarcoat, romanticize, or be in denial about the aches in your life--especially those initiated and perpetuated by other people. Stop learning to live with what you know is consistently hurting you, and then spend all of your time trying to make others think you're on top of the world. No one is fooled. Stop fooling yourself. 

Reality bites. When those pains are gone, you'll feel and be a whole lot better...and you'll slap yourself for ever looking back.

TUESDAY THOUGHTS: BOUNDARIES

Joining the ranks of the amusing, are people who think they have the authority to regulate your life. Those who determine what you should be able to do for them or others with your resources, are really funny. 

There's a difference between knowing who you can depend upon, and knowing who you can take advantage of.

Users don't have to be responsible, prudent, or thrifty if they're banking on the fact that you are. 

Maybe you've had a bad habit of sharing a bit too freely how deep your pockets are, or how much time you have. 

Users don't have to burden their family members, or circle of friends because they expect you to always come to the rescue. 

If you do, or always have and suddenly find yourself lacking, whose fault is that?

Whether you see the light today or tomorrow, the principal thing is that you see it, and correct what's out of order. Speak up. Put your foot down. Stop the gravy train. Assume control of your circumstances. Be firm and consistent. Be kinder to yourself. Hopefully, it's not too late. Hopefully, your denial concerning the motives of some of the people in your life, hasn't caused tension or grief in what were, are, or could be your genuine relationships.

Some people visit their dilemmas on you as if you created them, and fully expect you to bail them out every time they have a crisis. That's the problem, though. Everything with them is a crisis. If they have a patsy; a human meal ticket in you, it's because that's what you've taught them that you will be. They have no problem carelessly using up their resources because when their wells run dry, they know that all they have to do is tell yet another sob story. Notice that they'll never bother to ask how you are, or if you need anything. Be mindful of those habitual line-crossers who think that what's yours is theirs.

Some people have no problem brazenly using and promising your time, services, and resources--because, again, you've taught them that it's okay. You've bent over backward to accommodate them; you've never pushed back. You've neglected your own interests and have ignored your own deficits in order to accommodate them. You've always indulged, humored, and catered to them. Now, they think you should be responsible for them-- and everything and everyone concerning them, and why shouldn't they, since you've normalized or ignored their inconsideration, entitlement, and selfishness?

It's nothing for them to commit you and your resources without even asking you about your availability or hardship. They don't care. They simply want what they want, and if you've been a coward (or a sucker), your sudden desire to no longer be so, will shock them.  Your growth of a backbone will be devastating to them. They have a pattern of disregarding you, your space, your opinion, your family, your condition, and most of all, your "no", and they do it because you've demonstrated that it was okay. You created that monster. Their arrogance is so blatant it's scary, but they've perfected it so much so, that, if you didn't know better, you'd think they were doing YOU a favor by only calling you every time they needed or wanted something. They never give, always take, and no matter what your situation, they expect that to continue. You created that monster, and just like every good cinema monster, if they're allowed to continue, it's not long before they're terrorizing not only you, but those closest to you.

Giving is a wonderful, honorable thing, but don't be a fool. 
Pay close attention to people who get angry when you don't allow them to manipulate you. Note those who pout and switch up on you when they can't persuade you to change your mind concerning their hair-brained schemes. And for God's sake don't fall for that "You're supposed to be a Christian" jazz. It's a trap! 
If you ARE a Christian, it's because of God's grace; it's because of what Christ has done and your acceptance of it, and faith in it. Your Christianity is not predicated on whether you knuckle under, roll over, or cave in to manipulative people. Your Christianity is not dependent on you being at the beck and call of people who care more about what you can do for them, than they care for you as an individual. 

Don't allow anyone to amend the end of John 3:16 in your Bible with "...as long as you cater to me and my wishes."

No one has the right to decide what else goes onto your already full plate except you. Their drama is not your emergency. If your respect for the boundaries you've set means certain relationships are over, so be it. 
 Some people are deliriously happy as long as you say "Yes", overextend yourself, disregard your own needs and wants, and allow them to run roughshod over you. 

Decide that today is a new day.
Know who the genuine people are in your life. You can see them more clearly when you weed out those who have been laboring under the misapprehension that you somehow owe them, and that their affairs should matter more to you than your own.
It is, unfortunately, your fault when you allow certain people unreasonable access into your life. However, "better late than never" applies to so many scenarios, including the one where you refuse to apologize for, or erase the necessary boundaries you've carefully drawn.



 

HELP?

Helping is not a competition, nor is it always rewarded. If it's real help, the effects of what you do will be felt. You don't have to say a word. Stop hating on, hindering, second guessing, and mimicking those whose efforts do make a difference, and either offer genuine assistance to them, learn how to be truly effective, or get out of the way.

 

CAREGIVER DIARIES: POSTURING

When there's work to be done, a person has to bring more to the table than placing his or her feet underneath it.

Anyone who hasn't been consistently doing the work, or helping in any meaningful way, has to know (or be told) that pushiness, arrogance, orders, intrusion, or demands will not be welcome when the work is done. 

A last-minute bully or dictator on the job, is a prime candidate for getting his or her feelings hurt. 

But, everybody knows that one person who always questions the competence and motivation of others, and is itching to take over when there's nothing significant, or difficult to do. 

Some people can't stand that the work was being done successfully, without benefit of their input.

In anything; on any job, if people think they can do it better, why don't they? 

If they have such wonderful ideas, methods, and suggestions, why aren't they executing them? 

If it was possible for them to be on the job when the lion's share of the work was being done, what hindered them from showing up, and lending a hand? 

What is it that makes people decide to pounce, preen, and posture when their presence won't make an impact on anything, except the space that they occupy?

When the principal work is over, at a stand still, or in the hands of numerous capable individuals, sudden offers of "help" will be met with suspicion, and will appear to be poorly motivated. 

The best time to offer help, is when there is work to be done, not when the most you can do is sit. 

An offer to pray from where you are, would be a much better, thoughtful and more sensitive gesture, than to show up and be in the way--or appear to be on vacation.

If people would focus on the difficult, time-consuming, ever-changing tasks a caregiver faces, their attitudes, words, deeds, thoughts, and opinions would not be so ignorant and offensive. 

The inclination to supervise and micromanage, always pops up in the minds of people who don't have a clue what's on your plate, concerning the work you do. 

They don't want to do. They want to control, dictate, take over, and see--AFTER the work is done--and what they usually want to see is what they can take or get.

A misguided view of the work to be done, causes some people to focus on perceived benefits that workers receive for their efforts. It's amazing how people act when they think you're being paid, rewarded, enjoying a break, or are getting perks they think you don't deserve. 

Some people see or know you're working, but they have NO idea what that work entails. 

They like to pretend they are contributing; 

like to announce any contribution they make; 

like to pop in every blue moon, and show their faces and announce themselves, 

but it's just for the Kodak moments. 

When they are truly needed, they are nowhere to be found. 

When they are asked to do something specific, that would ACTUALLY be helpful, they always have a ready excuse. 

They want to do what THEY want to do, whether it is helpful, inconvenient, disruptive, dangerous, necessary, wise or not.

Sometimes, the help that people offer only serves to create more work.
That is never helpful.
 

CAREGIVER DIARIES: POETRY PROMPT---HUNDREDS OF DAYS

Hundreds of days

No one around

Hundreds of days

Nowhere to be found

Hundreds of days

No one was near

Now all of a sudden

The cavalry's here

Making suggestions

Asking dumb questions

Giving opinions

Offering lessons

Condescending

Proudly defending

The little they do

Is a favor to you

Each sparse contribution

Like every jerk

Who shows up last minute

Faking concern

Talking good game

It's always the same

Boasting that they came

But doing no work

When assistance was needed

When hands would have helped

Where was the cavalry?

Prepping themselves

To swoop in and commandeer

When all was done

Preening and posturing for everyone

Acting interested

Pretending to care

Hundreds of days

Not a call or a prayer

There's no work to do now

No meaningful way

They can put into action

The things that they say

Hundreds of days, though

No one was near

Now all of a sudden

The cavalry's here

And the cavalry knows

They missed their chance

But I'll just sit back now

And watch them all dance

And put on a show

Say to me and sneer

"You can step aside, now

The cavalry's here"

BUSYBODIES

They’re amusing--always sniffing

Like bloodhounds on all fours

If only they’d mind their affairs

The way that they mind yours 

They can’t enjoy what they have

For coveting a lot

They want what’s theirs--and your stuff, too 

And what they think you've got

Notice their sneaky questioning

How they pry; interrogate!

The more tight-lipped you are

The more their eyes reveal their hate

Notice their scheming!

It's amazing just how hard they try

To infect, inspect, and run the show

Intrude and scrutinize

If it seems you’re gaining any ground;

Making any strides

They’ll abandon their ship; break their necks

To haunt where you reside

They think they have to keep close tabs

On everything you do

Know where you are; map out your day

Make future plans for you

And if they find you’ve got a grasp

And don’t need their assistance

Your “No, thank you” or “I’m okay”

Will be met with resistance

That’s when you must assert yourself

And not fear confrontation

People do what you allow 

So don’t allow frustration

Sometimes, help is what you need 

But not the meddling kind

Not the kind that makes a mess

Or leaves you in a bind

Not the kind that, without asking

Plans what they will do

And all their so-called help does

Is make extra work for you

Not the kind that seeks to tear down 

What you’ve tried to build

Not the kind that wants you gone

So they can come and chill

Sometimes company’s a gift

But not the two-faced kind 

Nor the fork-tongued variety

That can’t keep facts in line

Not everyone who shows up at your door

Is a true friend

Some just want to be in the mix;

See how they can get in

Though they think that they're the boss of you

It doesn’t have to mean

That you lose all, or disappear

Just so they can be seen

They just want to get close enough

Just one foot in the door

And if you aren’t careful

You won’t be there anymore

So when you see them sniffing

Laugh-- but don’t you close your eyes

The one you least suspect

Is usually the one who tries

To plant themselves where they don’t think

That you deserve to be

To keep you on your toes

Though you’ve been standing perfectly 

They force suggestions, and corrections

In what needs no change at all

They seek to usurp your authority and

Make you heed their call

Just politely send them packing

Back to where their hands and eyes

Can do the greatest work

Perhaps they’ll realize

Their OWN business is suffering

They need to zero out 

Of your affairs, and zero in 

On what their world's about

vrw©2017