FRIDAY THOUGHTS : TAKE A STAND

They said they wanted to "talk" to me. 

What they wanted to do was gossip.

They just thought I was going to stand there and allow them to dog and accuse another person--someone I know well; someone who has always been faithful, and supportive of them, perhaps, when they shouldn't have been. 

It was so strategic. They couched their complaint as if they were confiding in me; as if I was suddenly their new, trusted ally. My grandmother warned me a long time ago about that dog that will bring AND carry away a bone.

You know how people do when they've (in the words of my late Auntee Lillian), "torn their drawers" with everyone else? They come slinking over to you as if you don't know they'll knife you, too, as soon as you turn your back, cross them, or disagree. 

I saw their wheels turning as they spoke. I could almost hear them thinking, "Oh, she's so nice". 

I was not confused about the spirit that was speaking. It was enlightening and scary at the same time, but for once, there was no trace of passive, wimpy, peace-at-all-costs, me.

When I started asking pointed questions based solely on what they'd said, they became agitated, defensive, and turned on me in a flash. Guess who didn't care? lol...

If I no longer respect you, or value your opinion, what do I care about what you think? You can't hurt me. 

If you have a history of being divisive and untrustworthy will you really be missed? Nope. 

There are people who expect your loyalty in spite of their untruthfulness. They really do think you'll uphold them when they're dead wrong, and help them throw others under buses. That's not a tenet of friendship. That's just plain crazy.

Disloyalty and fickleness don't inspire trust.  

You've got some enemies, and it's not because either of you have done ANYTHING to each other, but because of something a mutual acquaintance has said--and it's time to make some corrections, and shine some light.

My grandmother used to call it "throwing a rock and hiding your hand"--telling one thing to one person or group, and quite another tale to others, then sitting back and basking in the train wreck. 

Some people are COUNTING on your lack of communication with others. "Don't say anything...", "Don't tell them I told you..." --but THEIR mouths are always running a mile a minute. It’s time out for that.

Tangible evidence has a way of quieting a troublemaker.

Stop believing everything you hear, just because a certain person said it. Stop spreading it. Stop micromanaging and inspecting where you are not being paid to do so. 

Take up JUST causes. 

Stop helping a bully beat up on others. 

Stop running to defend what you haven't vetted as a legitimate issue. 

Stop being mad because THEY are. 

Stop being so eager to be the volunteer to tell someone what someone else has said. Embrace the truth.

There's harmony, joy, happiness, friendship, cooperation and contentment to be had, but someone doesn't want you to discover it all, because it won't benefit THEM. 

Fight for it anyway, and once you get it, doggone-it, determine that you will NEVER be fooled out of enjoying it in abundance again.

When you find yourself regularly pitted against someone else, leave no stone un-turned until you find that common denominator who benefits from the discord. There IS one. 

Then, set about fixing what they hope will remain fractured just so that THEY can remain the puppeteer at the center of everyone's universe. 

Too many friends, families, and workplaces are in turmoil because of the words and actions of a hurting individual, who either doesn't care, or has no idea of the damage they're doing.

Stop humoring, minimizing, and making excuses for those you now know are the source of a considerable amount of trouble in your life. 

Speak up. 

Too many people are protecting and co-signing the wrong folk, acting on their narratives, scheming along with them because they think there's some kind of payoff, maligning innocent people, ruining reputations, and feeding toxic environments.

Bring things out into the open, as immediately as possible. It might be painful or uncomfortable, but DO it. Embrace confrontation, and knock the wind out of a gossip's sails. They'll be mad. So what. 

They'll either realize how wrong they are, or go and find someone else to infect--but it won't be YOU.

The culture that broken, mean-spirited individuals have spent years cultivating CAN end, and it happens when you grow a spine, take a stand, and refuse to play along. 

#aintnobodygottimeforthat

#preserveyourpeace

#cherishhealthyrelationships

SUNDAY THOUGHTS: HAPPY EASTER

I can't help but think of Mommy today. 

I'm so grateful that she believed in and loved God, and shared her faith with us. 

Frankly, I don't know what I would do without the Lord.

Mommy was the holiday bunny. She would have spend the weekend cleaning, cooking (maybe some Cornish game hens), shopping, sewing, coloring eggs, straightening and pin-curling her hair--and maybe even correcting papers she'd brought home from school. 

I can just see her in a choir, head lifted, singing, and knowing all of the words to every Easter hymn.

The weeks leading up to Easter were busy ones. 

I remember those treasured days off from school that seemed to fly by so fast. 

There were Easter plays and recitations, passages of scripture to learn, baskets, lilies, chocolate bunnies, dyed-eggs, jelly beans, new white shoes, new dresses, new coats, ribbons, watching "The Ten Commandments", early church service, rejoicing, singing, preaching, and more singing. 

My sister and I could wear our hair "out". (Mommy would wash, dry, straighten and pin curl our hair, too.)

There would be more white, pastel colors, frilly dresses, fancy suits, and big, "say something" hats than you'd ever seen, and more people at church, too. Even as a child, I thought people should at least get credit for having a mind to be at church on such a special day. 

The question was, would the regulars have anything remotely Christ-like to say, or would they be sarcastic, judgmental and unkind? 

Would they be jerks, and give visitors yet another reason why their visits to church were few and far between?

The songs! The glorious songs!

"Christ the Lord is risen to-daaaay. Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-le-ey-lu-oo--yah..." 

I can just see Mommy, Irene Rogers, Thelma Morgan, Emma Davis, Irene Browner, Thelma Allen-Lucky, Viola Richardson, and Annie Mae Richbow smiling; wearing their white surplices; I can hear them singing, "You ask me how I know he lives, He Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiives, withiiiiin my heart..."
I never knew quite how long to hold that note.

On Easter Sunday, there was one dramatic hymn after another...That red or green hymnbook never DID go back in the rack behind the pew...."Up from the grave he arose..." 

That was my favorite part of that one.

After church, there would be a big, Thanksgiving-like meal, brief, long-distance phone calls to relatives, and finally, permission to raid the Easter baskets. 

I can still hear the sound of that colored cellophane rattling. 

I think my love for dark chocolate must have begun on an Easter Sunday.

The days leading up to Easter Sunday were full of anticipation, but a whole lot of work for Jesus and Mommy.

The photo is from Easter Sunday, 1972. 

Mommy was busier than usual, and Daddy was given the job of shoe-shopping. 

As you can see, he allowed my big sister and me to get what we wanted when we went to shop at the Eastover Shopping Center's J.C. Penney. 

He bought our first high heels. 

It was a very happy day for me. 

There would be no more ugly, orthopedic, gun-bolt looking brogans for me for the rest of my life. Heels made my feet look smaller, and me appear taller. Those chunky heels were the reason for my smile--skinny legs and all. I didn't care if my new hairdo, dress, or those flowers were in the shot. "Daddy, can you see my shoes?"

Mommy fussed and shook her head when she saw them. She said something about broken ankles and legs, and us being too young. "I can just see you all now, tipping up the aisle!" 

She told my father he should have known better, but he wasn't one to be in any store for extended periods of time, except the grocery store. 

He'd asked the salesman to measure our feet, and then told us to "Look and see what you want....Get what you want...You like that?" 

No one was more shocked that my sister and me when we made our choices, handed them to my father, and he handed them to the salesman to see if our sizes were in stock. 

When the salesman walked through those curtains with two boxes, we were positively giddy. You couldn't have found two more ecstatic girls as we walked that J.C. Penney shoe department carpet. 

I think we both knew the whole experience would have gone an entirely different way if Mommy had been there.

When we got home and opened the boxes, Mommy was shocked, but she saw how happy we were, shook her head, and let us keep the shoes. 

She totally understood. She liked shoes, too. 

She also understood the pain.

Jesus' feet hurt, too, one dreadful day, and sometimes, when wearing my now beloved high heels, it seems like I'm on a sick mission to feel his agony.

Happy Resurrection Sunday.
Love won...: )

FRIDAY THOUGHTS: GOOD FRIDAY

 

“…Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him. “For all who draw the sword will die by the sword.   

Are you not aware that I can call on My Father, and He will, at once, put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say, it must happen this way?” 

~Matthew 26:52-54

 

TUESDAY THOUGHTS: BGV LIFE

It was such a pleasure to participate as a background vocalist in a tribute to the late, great George Duke during Berks Jazz Fest 2017, in Reading, PA. 

A stress and drama-free work environment, filled with outstanding musicianship is so special--so is singing with my daughter. 

The friendship and mutual respect demonstrated by Duke mentees, Everette Harp, Phil Perry, and Chante Moore was so admirable, and made for a moving, memorable, and genuine tribute.

Last weekend definitely goes into the Great Weekend file...: ) 

TUESDAY THOUGHTS: Do YOUR Best

It's funny--not funny "ha ha" just odd-- when someone criticizes or throws shade at what others have done, and then commences to adopt, embellish, or attempt to replicate the very thing they've judged as wrong, unfair, inappropriate, or excessive. If it was Team Too Much when they did it yesterday, how does the same thing suddenly become Team Just Right when you do it today?

I guess it makes sense for someone to declare--up front--what they're not "trying" or "going" to do just in case things don't fare so well, or pale in comparison to what someone else has done.

Prefacing your actions with an apology, or a disclaimer speaks volumes. It signals that an internal conversation has taken place: “

Mine isn't like that!", 

"I didn't know it had to be that way!" 

"I thought I was only supposed to do this!", 

"I can't do it like they did!". 

Insecurity, envy, and unnecessary competition hinder potentially beneficial relationships, and positive endeavors, impact your performance, tarnish authenticity; diminish and cause others to reject, or ignore what you have to offer. 

Just do what you do, as best you can, and be who you are. No need to compare yourself, or your offering to someone or something else. No one is expecting you to be someone else. If they are, you have the authority and responsibility to protest-- or remove yourself.

If stepping up your game is what you need to do, go ahead, but do it because it will make you a better player. Shun unnecessary competition. Don't suddenly improve if your only aim is to injure someone else so that they can't, or don't want to play at all any longer.

Prefacing your actions with a swipe at someone else, no matter how slight, causes others to brace for the worst, lower their expectations, and even close their ears concerning what you have to offer. 

One ounce of shade thrown will backfire. Judging others unfairly is like rendering the best of yourself invisible, and then wondering why no one sees or hears what you have to share. It gives pettiness or hypocrisy the audience you could have had, and makes them the stars of your show. 

Know your strengths and weaknesses. Just be yourself. It's old advice, but it's still good.  


"Therefore, you have no excuse—every one of you who judges. For when you pass judgment on another person, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, practice the very same things." ~Romans 2:1

TUESDAY THOUGHTS: AWARDS SHOW BLUES

I was sad to see such negative comments about a recent awards show. 

When someone tells you who they are, believe them. 

The organization that produces the show, has never lied about who they are, or what they do. It's the Christian viewer, however, who repeatedly looks for Jesus where he may not be found, welcome, nor is the principal player, simply because he or she sees the word "gospel".

Improperly or unfairly impose your lofty ideas, rules, expectations, sacred customs, church bylaws, and biblical rules on a thing, and you will ALWAYS be disappointed. Don't impose scripture, either. 

Awards shows are NOT religions. They're extensions of BUSINESSES that promote an industry. 

What is so ironic about the awards show in particular, is that many of its consumers are often the type who, historically, always want comp tickets to everything, bootleg CD's, and think singers and musicians should work for free. People say how much they support the music, but I digress...

If you read the "about" section of any website, you'll know what you're dealing with. NOWHERE will you find the words Christian, holiness, bible, sacred, Jesus, or church on some websites. So why do consumers get so upset when awards shows don't remind them of a view from their pew on Sunday Morning? 

ANYONE can perform music that uses biblical principles or characters as its subject matter--even a non-believer. A genre of Music is not the Bible. An awards show is not subject to the tenets of your faith.

You'll be a sad viewer if you expect an awards show to be a replica of your weekly convocation (which may display more show business tendencies, and outrageous antics than the awards show ever did). It will never measure up. It isn't supposed to.

If you don't like what someone  has to offer, provide an alternative; draw up your own plans. Start your own thing. Show them how it ought to be done, but complaining about something because it isn't what it never said it was, is futile.

TUESDAY THOUGHTS: INFORMATION, REPRESENTATION, CONFRONTATION

So. 

I tried to reply to a message several times but couldn't. No. The phone was working fine, it was my writing skills and use of tactful language that seemed lacking. 

I thought about just typing, "You've got to be kidding me", but I decided against that, too. There was just no nice way to respond. 

It occurred to me that some people believe, and are heavily invested in the lies they tell, and are hoping you will join them in denial. The message was so absurd, I actually laughed.

These days, it's too easy to verify information for some people to ever think they can pull the wool over the eyes of even the most clueless individual. 

Finding some answers doesn't require high tech, clandestine activity. 

Getting to the bottom of things can be as simple as a phone call, a saved or forwarded text message, an email--or a face-to-face conversation between all parties involved. 

Some people never expect that to happen.

Speculating and wondering, when answers and sources are readily available, is for those who don't mind being in the dark. Want facts? Ask the people who would actually KNOW them. Anyone who is offended by your inquiry--particularly about those things that concern  you, probably has dirty hands. 

Watch that person who:

1. is always trying to stifle pertinent questions, and keep you and others quiet, and in the dark. 

2. attempts to prevent you from even meeting certain people. 

3. always has a disparaging story about others, but are always elevating their own status, or boasting of their connections.  

4. always has some convoluted story to explain shady behavior

5. want you to refer to what they meant as opposed to what they said.

6. doesn't think you are supposed to proceed or succeed without them.
7. tries to convince you that your memory or comprehension is a little off.

That "Let me handle it" spirit, that seems to know ALL, while being quite content that others only have partial, or no information at all, is a sly one! That's not someone who's genuinely looking out for you. They're looking out for themselves. 

Everyone cannot speak for you! 

Are you being represented by someone you have not authorized? If you find that's the case, fix it immediately. If you have a manager, assistant, handler, spokesperson, advocate, or right hand man, YOU shouldn't be the last one to know! If you have "people" you should know who they are! 

If anyone is going to profit off of your effort, shouldn't that be you? If anyone is cutting into your profits, or negotiating on your behalf, shouldn't you be aware of that-- AND the numbers?

Wonder why you're missing out on opportunities? 

Wonder how you got roped into something with which you never agreed? 

Wonder why you're not being fairly compensated in a timely manner, or not being compensated at all? 

Wonder why you're receiving information at the ninth hour?

WHO'S SPEAKING FOR YOU?

Who's promising your service? 

Declaring your availability? Apologizing for your absence when you didn't even know you were supposed to be present? Who's acting as your representative--and acting poorly? 

Don't sleep on that. Find out. 

It's unfortunate if you find the culprit is a friend, but at least you'll know.

Whatever you do--whatever your field of endeavor--unless you have consciously secured a trusted individual to handle your business for you, it would be prudent for you to handle it for yourself. 

Set your own parameters. Own your strengths and limitations. 

Gain clarity. 

Know what is expected of you. 

Be dependable. 

Do your job well. 

Maintain good character. Cultivate a favorable reputation.   

Some people think that your world is small; that you aren't well acquainted with certain others, and can't, or won't consult with them. What makes people think you don't have a voice? Perhaps it's because you never used it before. Perhaps you were a bit too trusting and easy-going. Perhaps you weren't a fan of confrontation. When it comes to your livelihood, you can't afford not to be.

Some things are not the results of simple misunderstandings or innocent miscommunication. They are the results of the actions of opportunists who are always trying to get over, but not by virtue of their own steam. 

Some people flat out LIE, have no qualms about throwing others under buses, and banking on their ignorance.

These days, documentation is your friend. (Aren't you glad you saved that text or that voicemail message? Whew! )

When it concerns your livelihood, don't EVER be afraid to embrace confrontation. 

Refer to the records you keep. 

Don't ever be hindered from seeking information that involves you, or your work. Have an above-board policy in all of your dealings. 

It is not your concern if someone has to hurry and cover their tracks.

 
Good for everyone involved in a matter when the forgetfulness, procrastination, incompetence, dishonesty, poor business practices, and lack of integrity of an individual is no longer tolerated, minimized, or treated as a joke.

"Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely; who conduct their affairs with justice." – Psalm 112:5