YOUR FRIENDS AREN'T ALWAYS MY FRIENDS

I got some news today that made me very angry, but I could have scripted it myself. I saw it coming, yet, "I told you so" stayed in my head. Funny how you won't defend yourself, but you're quick to go to bat for someone else. I was more angry because I had made my concerns about a person's rather strange, intrusive behavior known, and they were largely laughed off and ignored. Today, because he was not shown boundaries when he should have been, he, of course, crossed them. It left a young woman frightened, her mother furious, and him scrambling for an explanation that would hold water.

I just had a few questions. What was an almost 65 year old, married man doing contacting a young lady at her university? How did he get her phone number? What did he want? Why didn't he think his actions were highly inappropriate considering he was neither her friend nor family, but a friend OF a family member of hers? 
I'd witnessed bizarre behavior before, so I was not surprised as I listened to the excuses he had given. I WAS surprised when his actions were defended and excused away as "thoughtful" by the one person who had the authority to shut it down. Some cockamamie story about his "always checking up on college kids from church" was given. The young lady doesn't even attend his church! Why didn't he phone her mother if he was so concerned? I didn't buy any of it. I advised the mother to block his number from her daughter's phone. At least that way, she wouldn't have to get any more rambling text messages and voice mails from someone with whom she was not even remotely close.

The creepy guy's story satisfied the family member, and the student and her mother were accused of overreacting--which made the mother question the loyalty of the family member--her own father--who, it was discovered, gave his granddaughter's phone number to the guy without her permission.

One of the things children need is to know that they are safe. They need to know that they will be heard. They need to know that their parents have their backs, and no one will be able to wedge themselves where they don't belong. No real friend will attempt to negatively impact your family. No real friend will repeatedly cause dissension. No friend will harass your family.

Some people are just too familiar. Some people go too far, and it's hard to complain when you're the one who gave them the ticket to ride, and they begin to visit themselves on your extended family in the creepiest ways. Some people really do believe they have rights and privileges in your life by virtue of their relationship with someone in your family. That's fine if that's what YOU want. When it isn't, there's a huge problem that may end with someone getting their feelings hurt---or a restraining order delivered to their door.
Often people labor under the misapprehension that friendship with your parent automatically means friendship with YOU, and access to you and your children. It can begin when you're a child and follow you into adulthood. They don't seem to know that familiarity STILL breeds contempt. "I thought we were family" is often uttered as an excuse for extreme nosiness, and the unwelcome taking of liberties.

Be a little more cognizant of the rights, privileges, and courtesies you extend, the information you share, and the access you grant. These things can't be spread out all willy nilly-- especially if you have children. When people come into your home and act as if they have the same rights and privileges as your children, seeds of a bigger problem may be sown. 
"Make yourself at home" isn't something you can say to everyone. They'll rummage through your refrigerator, dirty hands and all, while your shocked children look on. No one should be allowed to do ANYTHING in your home that you have forbidden your children to do. Never place your children on the defensive against your friends while you languish in the middle.

Familiar spirits WISH they were family, and would like nothing better than to destroy the harmony in yours. Don't enable them--and don't infuriate your children by forcing people upon them, or relaxing rules for others that your children couldn't break any day of the week.
Mind those who will throw YOUR own children under the bus in order to have a relationship or business association with you. 
Be more discerning what you share with people concerning your children. People need not know EVERYTHING that's going on in your home. 
Parents, your children shouldn't be confronted with their personal business every time they encounter your friends. If you want your children to trust and confide in you, respect the things they tell you, and keep your mouth shut. Don't be the reason your children are humiliated. Don't be the reason they clam up and shut down. Don't use them as fodder for your conversations with people they may not like or trust.
Some people will work diligently, right under your nose, to create and maintain confusion and division in your family. That slick, manipulative devil is a liar whose scheme is to convince you that he is either innocent and harmless, or doesn't exist at all. Watch those grown people who delight in picking on your children or discussing their flaws. If you can't be your child's cheerleader, keep your mouth shut.

Friends are great. Spawns of satan are not. When people are poised to wreak havoc in your family, doggone it, SAY SOMETHING to them. DO something. NIP IT! Recognize that their agenda isn't a healthy one. Stand up for your family. If you don't have any boundaries around yourself, at least respect your family and protect them from people who they TELL you make them uncomfortable.
Don't give your adult child's phone numbers or address to your friends, or ANYONE without their permission. Don't put your children into situations where they may have to defend themselves against the behavior of your friends. When your children tell you something, listen. Your friends may be friends to YOU, but they are virtual nightmares to your children. Pay attention. Don't be so hard pressed to keep a friend or business associate that you alienate your own children, or cause them to question YOUR judgment. 
Don't allow familiar spirits to wreck your home.

SUNDAY THOUGHTS: "ECHOES" TO THE RESCUE---NOISE, EAST OF THE RIVER

I didn't realize there were tears in my eyes. 

I thought, "No. Not again. Not today". 

The sound was so unbearable. 

I was all prepared to spend a quiet Sunday afternoon at home, then, the noise broke through the walls like a crazed monster.

I love good music. 

I love bass and drums--when they're being skillfully played by someone I choose to hear. 

However, when they're coming from somewhere else, all over-amplified, muffled and dull, it's like being hit repeatedly over the head with a gigantic hammer. 

The windows were shaking. 

The floor was vibrating. 

It's like heavy construction is going on in, and outside of your home that you didn't authorize. 

There was no way to escape it, except to put in ear plugs,  don headphones, or leave the neighborhood. Closing the windows didn't even help.

I was not leaving home. 

I'd just arrived back from church. 

I was all prepared to enjoy a good meal, and maybe a movie. 

I thought, "I have a right to be at home. 

I have a right to enjoy a reasonable amount of tranquility." 

My rights were being abused, because someone else was exercising their right to make noise. 

To them, however, it was music. 

No. I don't want to join the noisemakers. 

I want the noise to stop. 

What I want, regarding the noise, means nothing today, and I'm resigned to just wait it out. 

I can still want peace, though. 

I was hoping it would suddenly rain...a lot. 

Perhaps I should have stopped thinking about it, and just prayed.

It's official. 

I hate noise. 

Why live in the city, you ask? 

I'm wondering that myself, right now...lol

 

This isn't a city problem, though. Its a cultural one. Would I be so bothered if it were a different genre of music? 

Probably not. 

If it was smooth jazz seeping through every crack in the walls, I'd be okay. 

If there was another Walter Hawkins tribute concert going on, I'd be just fine. 

I'd even settle for everything Earth Wind and Fire, Stevie, The Emotions, Chaka, and Frankie Beverly ever recorded.  

I'd settle for light rock. 

I'd settle for an accordion player, a baby banging on pots and pans with a wooden spoon, Tiny Tim and Miss Vickie--ANYTHING-- over this. 

This blasting offering of craziness, sounds like somebody missed too many days at school, and is driving me bananas. 

I'm sorry. 

There's just something ignorant about some forms of music that, as much as I have tried to appreciate it, something won't let me. 

It seems to come from the lowest level of human sensibilities, and revels in being unproductive, unintelligible, shocking and profane. 

It's like pollution. It intends to do harm. 

I see very little creativity. 

I don't understand it, and don't want to. 

It's like rebellion without the intelligence to justify it. No sense in making myself sick about it. 

It'll be over soon...hopefully.

Noise isn't an emergency, but I'm sure there's a noise ordinance in the city. 

Surely this racket has exceeded whatever decibels constitutes a nuisance. 

If ever a law was to be enforced, today would be a prime opportunity. 

I wouldn't dare make light of situations where people lose it, but I can kinda see how, and why some people go postal. 

When those tasked to help don't, won't, or trivialize a problem, people take matters into their own hands--and sometimes with disastrous results. 

This noise is ridiculous, and horribly unfair, considering the number of residences in the surrounding area. 

What about a mother trying to put a baby to bed, a student studying, a tired employee who has to get up early tomorrow morning, and elderly person trying to watch TV, a family trying to have a conversation over dinner, or a shell-shocked soldier? 

What would a 911 operator say? 

"Ma'am are you serious?", 

"Ma'am that's not an emergency", or 

"Ma'am go somewhere and sit down!" 

This is frustrating. 

It's too hot to put a blanket over my head. 

This is the enemy. Plain and simple. 

Pastor Battle preached all about loving like Jesus loved. I came home feeling so happy, and all ready to implement everything he said. 

What if I decided to confront the noisemakers? 

I know there would be no love in sight. I wouldn't have been the loving individual, seeking someone to bless. I would have been the deranged looking, angry person trying to find out who's responsible for breaking into my home with their crappy excuse for music.

I'm all for people enjoying themselves, and music often is a factor in the enjoyment. Music can be intrusive and abusive sometimes, too. 

This is like an assault. 

I didn't know that I wasn't in the mood, until the noise began. 

I didn't want to hear the noise, but it was being forced upon me. I couldn't turn it down, or turn it off. It was invading my space like a fast moving blob, and I hated it. 

My head and heart were hurting. 

I just wanted peace. 

The booming just went on and on--

--and it's still going on. It's 8:06 PM. Now some screaming individual has found a microphone, and the noise has gotten louder.

You hate to poop on anyone's party, but when they're dumping nuclear waste on yours, what are your options? 

It's not the jurisdiction of the U.S Park Police to monitor noise in this particular park. 

It's the job of the Metropolitan Police Department. Maybe, because it's South East DC, everyone thinks we are ALL thrilled to hear noise at all times of day and night. 

If it's not noisy music, it's fireworks exploding-- well before, and well after the Fourth of July; it's groups of kids on vehicles that should require a dune or a trail, not a city street. 

In a city with a gun control problem, you would think that anything that can be confused with gunfire would be banned. 

Does "residential neighborhood" mean something different East of the River? 

Can't people in SE, and the sliver of SW that is Bellevue, appreciate a quiet Sunday afternoon, too? Would this activity be going on anywhere else in the city where so many people reside? 

Are there no options?

It occurred to me that I should probably live in the country...on a farm...near a babbling brook...down a lane. 

I love peace. 

I suppose you don't realize how much you love a thing until it's disturbed--or gone. 

I concede that I'm getting older. 

I detest unnecessary noise. 

Did I say that already? 

See? I said I'm getting older. 

Ignorant, inharmonious sounding noise masquerading as music is the worst. 

Today it was a distraction that robbed me of at least 4 hours. 

I had options. 

The option I chose, unfortunately was to be bothered by it, as if there was no way out. 

I was suddenly tense, and feeling defeated by something I couldn't beat.

I thought back to the day that I stopped at a gas station, and a young man drove in shortly after I began pumping gas. I could hear the music coming from his speakers long before he parked. 

When he did, he turned the music up even louder, got out of his car and went to pay for his gas. 

Did he think he was doing all of us a service by leaving his music on? 

Did he ask the rest of us if we wanted to hear what he was enjoying? 

Did we all have to be cursed out under the guise of entertainment at the gas station? 

I don't know...

And another thing-- is a red traffic light now the universal signal to let everyone within a 2 mile radius sample what's in your CD changer?

 

The last thing I want to be is crotchety. It just seems, sometimes, that manners, decency, decorum and consideration have been lost....sometimes, thank God.

I needed to refocus. This morning Craig Oliver talked about going in circles, and the need to upgrade. On the way to church we listened and laughed with Garrison Keillor and his "A Prairie Home Companion" team. 

I wasn't liking the way the day was ending, so I went back to the way it began. 

I wanted my hopeful, good mood back. 

I searched online and found an NPR station in Birmingham. 

While I was looking for a little peace and quiet in Lake Wobegone, like Inga Swearingen singing "Lazy Afternoon", I stumbled across a show called "Echoes" hosted by John Diliberto. 

I'm listening to it now. 

The stress I was feeling from the noise has subsided somewhat. 

I decided to refocus my attention. I'm not going anywhere, but I'm not going to spend the evening lamenting over something I can do little about. 

Yes. I'm still impacted by what feels and sounds like a wrecking ball pounding on the walls, but the music I'm choosing to hear is beautiful, serene and excellent. It's uplifting and pleasant. It's artistic and lovely. 
It's making me smile...: )
You can listen, too at http://echoes.org/

Oh my. It's 8:45. I think it stopped. 

Thank you, Jesus.

LEARN

Every day there's a lesson played out
And every day there's a victim splayed out on a stage
"I didn't know I thought I could change it"
"I didn't know it would be this way"
"It wasn't like this at first"
"I don't understand why I'm hearing such evil today"

Had you paid attention to someone else's yesterday
Your now would be free of such hurt
It's not experience that teaches best
It's what's already happened to him and her

So learn, just learn
There's nothing new under the sun
Just new players
Who think they're immune to what's been done

The difference between now and then
Is that few knew where, how or when
But now that there's so much to see
We should be wiser you and me

So learn, just learn
Take the wisdom from others and run
Take the grace that will certainly suit your case
Don't repeat the harm that's been done

AFTERNOON THOUGHTS

Everyone can have a good idea, but implementing it without authority or considering who will be responsible in the case of failure is a dangerous mistake.

A person in need of help can go far after receiving insight, discernment, truth. Condemnation however breaks spirits and sends many to a place of apathy and self-doubt.

Are you more concerned with getting the job done, or the tools you're using to do it? Shouldn't they be equally important?

One can borrow the tools of someone else to get a job done, but what happens when they want their tools back because you're not using them correctly or with care? Unless a tool is used it can never be broken. Question is, was it broken while one was in the process of using it correctly or carelessly?

MORNING WISDOM

I woke up this morning and listened to Pastors John and Matthew Hagee, Pastor Craig Oliver and Dr. Mike Murdock. I remember, in school, we would have to read passages, and then write what we gleaned from them. I thought I would just be listening, but was compelled to write as they spoke. I love the way God interjects even when you're not particularly listening to Him. He has a way of arresting the conversation to make sure that you hear exactly what he wants you to hear. I love the way he orders my day.

Don't admire the man who is driving a Mercedes on credit. Admire the guy who's driving a Volkswagon and is debt free...Debt is a disease."
"The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender." Proverbs 22:7

"The kingdom of God is ruled by his Word. If there is a kingdom, there is a king, and that king is not you."

Greater is He that is IN you..."It is God's agenda that we follow, not our own." Being about "kingdom" work and ignoring His righteousness identifies you as the kid that's doing your own thing. Adopting part of God's plan and dismissing the rest is foolish. "You can think you're busy building, expanding, working for the kingdom and still lose. Don't lose your cutting edge. Don't have a form of godliness and deny the power. Performing but not producing....exerting energy and effort, but going nowhere, zeal at zero. Flesh can't compete with passion and power. Don't be busy at your task but neglect the tools you're using. Don't be so busy chopping away at the tree but not noticing that the axe head has been separated from the shaft. We can't be faulty in our communion with God. Do we pray? Do we worship privately? Anybody can shout, and cry, and dance when we have an audience to applaud us. Have we forsaken the commandments? Have we fluctuated in our commitment to God? Are we effective any more? Our tools in ministry are borrowed possessions of an owner and the owner is God. God assigns tools to us so that we can be effective and in ministry and in the whole of our lives. We have to be accountable to God. What are we doing with the tools that God gave us?" When I can no longer see my tools because of apathy, laziness, carelessness, stress, or trouble, I need help to find them. There is a danger in complacency. If I am not going to serve--utilize the gifts that God has given, I am merely taking up space. I have to be aware that there is a problem when I am so busy working a task that I don't even realize I am functioning out of the flesh. I cannot be so confident in my natural ability, and so clever in the art of manipulation that I am not aware the the spirit of God is gone. "Even as one is engaged in a needed and noble work, building, expanding and increasing the kingdom, one can lose one's cutting edge. Find someone with divine insight, an authorized source--someone with a spirit of discernment, someone truthful--who will help you. Be encouraged. You never lose your cutting edge unless you've been working. Recognize when and where you lost it. One of the hardest journeys is back to the place where you lost. Did you lose it in an inappropriate relationship? Did you lose it when you took advice from the wrong person? Who were you with? What were you doing? Take heart. The tree you were cutting is still standing. Find it."

"Nobody else can ever take your place, turn my life around through your saving grace...nobody else Holy Spirit does what you do"

There is beauty, safety, protection, productivity in order. Learning is my calling..."

"I won't know what will happen to you until I find out who you trust."

Whatever you are you create. You can only be promoted by someone who gives you instructions. The person you serve controls your future.

"I don't believe him. I'm going to find out what the word of God really says about that".-Mrs.Willie Murdock

You can exhibit polite behavior, obedient service, and speak words of compliance, but have no love, honor, or respect in your heart.

When you hear a lie, anger should rise up in you.

SATURDAY THOUGHTS: A LOST OPPORTUNITY?

I wasn't able to go to a certain conference this year, and thought, "No problem. I'll just follow it on Twitter or Facebook.

I admit, I was spoiled rotten by the excellent way The Future of Music Coalition utilized social networking during its 2009 summit.

 

Surely, other organizations had embraced technology, and would be, in like fashion, sharing valuable information. 

I couldn't have been more wrong. 

Instead of using available social networking sites to promote its agenda and highlights, spread its ideals, and record its progress and future plans, the organization's conference was essentially ROASTED, minute by embarrassing minute, by some of its own participants. 

The spirit of lighthearted, good fun at THIS roast, however, died along with everyone's sense of discretion. 

I can only hope that something meaningful was going on that no one thought, or had time to report. Based on the testimonies from social networking sites, the conference, for them, was a colossal waste of time. 

Is it fair to draw conclusions based on what one reads in real time, written by people who use goofy aliases? 

When you see the words of people in leadership, however, should you assume that THEIR viewpoints are credible? 

What ax did THEY have to grind with the organization, that would cause them to tweet and post so irresponsibly and mischievously?

Just because one has a right and ability to do or say something, doesn't mean it has to be done.

 

Each day, the timeline from conference attendees gave a global impression that nothing of any relevance was taking place. 

If anyone WAS saying anything worth listening to, it was either not recorded, said too loudly to be bearable to the human ear, or not heard at all.

 

One tweeter, who somehow knew how much was paid for the sound system, suggested that a refund was due.

Considering that they were commenting about an organization, and a genre, to which the Black church and the Word of God is affixed, (whether it adheres to it or not), discretion, kindness, and consideration were sorely lacking. 

It seemed that people were on a deliberate mission to expose, malign and ridicule people, as well the events they strangely bothered to attend.

 
I realize that people have a need to be important and recognized, and one of the easiest ways to do it, is to align themselves with someone or something that has notoriety. 

I realize that many want to be great in Jesus' name, by using his name, but have no intention to give His name any glory. 

People want to be famous. 

People want to be accepted. 

People want to be stars, and the redemptive message of Christ is, in some instances, just an accessory. Many seem to delight in reducing once sacred things to comic status. 

Sometimes, I guess, people just don't know any better.

The vast majority of postings were mean-spirited jokes, criticisms, and swipes at everything from sexual orientation, to hairstyles, to fast food. 

I felt very sad, on the one hand, for the state of our educational system, and on the other for the global perception of African-Americans in the church, and purveyors of gospel music. 

The descriptive language just reminded me, once again, that I'm getting old. 

So and so "took us in". 
Such and such "killed", or "blazed". 
This one is "goin' hard". 
That one was "smashing" or "wrecking". 
If you didn't know any better you would have sworn you were reading about a demolition derby in a remote corner of Hell. 

One post indicated that someone was "preaching his face off", but the poster didn't think to tweet anything the afflicted minister said before his whole face finally hit the floor.

According to the postings, at least a few performers "dumped", "slayed", or "crushed". 

I'm not too old to know that those are no longer reasons to run, take cover, or call a paramedic. 

I suppose they're good things these days in the new-school lexicon of church musical performance, but only a half-a-handful of singers and groups who performed at the conference, were apparently doing so. 

The rest were either commanded to "saddown" or could be summed up in one person's dry tweet: "I could've had a V-8".

Public opinions and statements about what people wore, who they were with, what they were overheard saying, AWAY from the conference, got tagged as well. 

At an awards event, accolades were given in categories that let me FURTHER know that SOMEONE could have been assigned to internet duty. 

Had ANYONE, or a group of conscientious people been able to provide a counterpoint to all of the silliness, a balance may have been achieved that would have indicated, to those who couldn't attend, that the conference actually DID have a purpose that deserved serious consideration. 

I've seen how numerous organizations use the internet during events to direct the flow of information, and ensure that their primary message is communicated. 

To my surprise, the organization's OWN page at twitter.com hadn't been manned since last year. 

Its Facebook page seemed a bit lethargic as well.

Perhaps the burden I felt, stems from my great appreciation for gospel music, and mostly from my distaste for cruelty, teasing, and un-constructive criticism. 

I thought about the saying, "I love your Christ, but not your Christians". 

As I searched each day for even the tiniest redeeming message, I thought, "I love the music, but not the industry. 

If THESE are the wheels that are moving the vehicle, no wonder there is an overwhelmingly negative perception. 

Perhaps there should be an inquiry into the reason why some don't wish to attend. 

A revival might be in order, but who could spearhead it? HOW can an entity survive when even KEY players delight in making it appear shady, childish, cliquish, questionable, secular, disorganized, mediocre, ruthless, and lacking integrity? 

Where was even an ounce of information, that may have helped music ministries at the local church level? 

Why so much deliberate clowning? 

Have we forgotten the great crowd of witnesses has been enlarged exponentially because of a little thing called the world wide web?

I was increasingly embarrassed each day as I searched for at least one shred of social networking from the conference that was intelligent and informative. 

I'm sure it would have been a different experience actually being in attendance. 

Why did I think that social networking could have been the next best thing? 

Probably because it's been done, and done well.

I wondered what could be done to improve the reputation of an organization, whose own statement of purpose holds so much promise. 

I hope that someone who hoped to "matriculate" actually learned something other than what not to wear. 

Not even some of those who actually DO what prompted the organization to be founded in the first place, gave thought to the impact of the words they posted. 

People working behind the scenes-- musicians, singers, pastors, radio announcers, bloggers, and industry professionals joined in the collective, public free-for-all to bash one event, group, or individual after another, and they did it with glee.

Other organizations have successfully utilized social networking during their conferences to provide pertinent information, increase attendance, inspire interest, and educate the general public. 

If I didn't know first hand what this conference was, and if I based my evaluation of it solely on the social networking that took place as it occurred, I would have to conclude that it was a week-long, poorly amplified, musical, comedy camp for the fashion challenged groupie. 

Hashtag after hashtag either bemoaned the hour, lamented about food, ridiculed clothing and accessories, mocked ministers, artists and emcees, critiqued singers, or provided links to camera phone images of some unfortunate person at whose expense, anyone online could get a free laugh.

I couldn't imagine why no one considered the damage they were doing each time they carelessly affixed the organization's acronym to their postings. Why travel all the way to a place, spend money, and then systematically and publicly tear it down? 

I thought I had spotted one timeline that might be positively and constructively informative, only to learn more about someone's foot pain than I cared to know.
It seemed that everyone was allergic to sharing helpful information that would cause a novice to take a serious look at the organization and plan to attend. I did find a consistent, favorable reference to one group, but very little else that indicated that people were there for any other reason than to be seen, and have a front row seat to ridicule everything they could find.
I want so badly to address someone in leadership and implore them to take a sober look at the power of social networking. If there is anything of worth going on-- if someone is saying something that others need to hear-- people should share it. Unfortunately, the only people sharing THIS year were those who had foolishness on their minds, nothing worthwhile to say, and the technology with which to say it.

It is a terrible thing when people delight in bashing and harming their own interests. It's worse when there is little thought to the fact that people are watching and reading. If one's organization is not taken seriously or viewed with disdain it is pitiful when the culprits responsible comprise its membership.
I would be very sad to find out that there was a workshop focused on the efficient use of the internet, and no one used what they learned to refocus attention on the true intent of the gathering and the constructive things that, I'm sure, occurred.

An opportunity was lost this year to put a fresh face on an old organization via the most efficient and effective internet networking tools to date. Instead it was rendered a laughingstock by those who had access to the tools, but not the maturity to use them constructively.

I admit, I've been bothered by what I've witnessed. 

I concluded that I don't know why some people are involved with the gospel music industry at all. Is it just to make a name for oneself? What we say carries a lot of weight. What we write on the internet remains trapped in the web like a fly--not to be rescued and set free, but to be picked apart, used, and reduced to waste. 

There's a carelessness and a callousness going on, by people who own Bibles, that is extremely disturbing. One of the worse things in the world is to provide the ammunition that leads to your own demise. 

There's a lot of enthusiastic talk about "kingdom" and "kingdom work", but if it has been stripped of the righteousness required to make the work meaningful, credible, and pleasing to God, WHOSE kingdom are people actually "blazing" and "crushing" for?

Someone once had a good idea to bring gifted and talented people together to discuss, create, promote, cultivate global interest in, and celebrate a popular genre of American music. No doubt they attracted those who admired, appreciated and even coveted their ability and sought to learn from them. I wonder what they would think of their idea today?
The usual response to a rant is, "lighten up". 

Perhaps my take on it all is too sober. Maybe I should lighten up, but I doubt that I will. I did stop reading though. Even after the conference was over, the craziness continued.
I can't help but wonder, though, if I'm alone in the way I feel. So, I read 1 Kings 19, again, in order to remind myself that everyone is not losing their minds, forgetting who they represent, laying aside their integrity, putting on a show, or going along with the program. There are still those who are concerned about encouraging others and sharing the love of Christ. There are still those who are not ashamed of their relationship with God, or frightened into conformity by people's attempts at reverse psychology to diminish the degree to which they acknowledge their faith. 

Whether it's "too deep" or the position of one who is "super saved", there is a non-negotiable standard.

 

Social networking is a fantastic tool. 

I'm just not sure how "real" some people realize they're "keeping it" as they expose themselves in the name of harmless fun, yet fail to seize opportunities to share information that might actually be of value.

GOOD ENGLISH: WHO'S TO BLAME WHEN SUBJECTS AND VERBS DON'T AGREE?

My teachers always said, "Know when to turn it on, and when to turn it off". 
Mind you, their first hand experiences at discrimination was the fuel behind their warning. They were fearful that their Black students would have difficulty being accepted in certain circles. They felt that a firm grasp of the language was the ticket to a seat in predominately white arenas. All White people, we were led to believe, spoke properly. If we were to ever successfully communicate with them, we had to know their language--English. 
Funny. It was our language as well, but there was something about the way that intelligent Whites spoke that our teachers felt we should seek to emulate. They reminded us that it's perfectly fine to relax our speech if in the company of friends, but when it was time to stand before a group and recite a poem, debate, or give a speech, nothing less that proper English would do. Their efforts at producing articulate students often resulted in the incessant accusations of "trying to sound white", as if speaking well is a trait reserved for White America alone.

I sensed that my teacher's advice may be a help, today, to young journalist, Lindsey Mastis, whose on-air error in grammar inspired a not-so-nice letter from a viewer. In the letter, the viewer took swipes at Lindsey, public schools, and public school teachers. Lindsey in turn lamented that people still hold fast to the "private school is better" stereotype. I felt bad for her, and thought about the worth of what the viewer wrote. I suppose our viewpoints are primarily based on our experiences. I can unfortunately see how the viewer arrived at his or her conclusions, although they were a bit unfair to Miss Mastis.

Mastering language is not a black/white/public school/private school issue. It's a communications issue. If one is to master a thing there has to be a good example to emulate. One must see and hear how something is done, and be able to distinguish when it is done well. 
A commentator's errors will ALWAYS stick out like a sore thumb, and cause attentive people to question the credentials of their English, Grammar, Composition, and Speech instructors. 
Many people are intently listening those in the media. There is a rhythm and flow in the voice of a news person that is violently interrupted when an error in speech or grammar is made. Oh sure. It's acceptable if the error is made by a gardener, plumber, stand-up comedian, street corner philosopher or gas station mechanic, but not a preacher, teacher, or commentator. When YOU, news reporter, make an error, IT becomes the story, as opposed to the incident about which you were reporting. Why? You're supposed to know better. You're PAID to TALK, not to entertain or casually chat. 

Some people just expect other people to be better at things than they are. No. They expect them to be EXPERTS, and often delight in pointing out mistakes (thereby secretly rendering themselves more qualified for the job than the person who holds it). As unwilling as some may be to accept the title, they a role models.

As bizarre as English can be-- as contradictory and confusing as it's rules are, if you made it all the way through school and have not mastered the basics of your own native language, the fault lies in many places-- and your teachers have to bear a part of it. I don't totally agree with the tone of the letter Miss Mastis was sent, but as I listen to the speech of court television plaintiffs and defendants, talk show guests, conference panelists, elected officials, athletes, and young people I know who attend private OR public school, I must confess, I, too wonder sometimes if ANYONE is still teaching English Grammar and Composition, Principles of Speech, and emphasizing the importance of effective communication. 
The rule of putting one's best foot forward has given way to just sharing the information. Do we no longer care how we spell, write or speak? 
News reporters endeavor to be the viewer's family and friends, and along with that cozy atmosphere comes a relaxed attitude toward communication. If it's just a matter of carelessness, that can be fixed. One problem is that we don't always listen to ourselves, or think before we speak. Another is that we try so hard to be deep and profound that we end up appearing ignorant. Yet another problem is the notion that no one cares. Of course, some people expect those who are paid to communicate to be more adept and precise at speaking, reading and writing, but that's not always the case. 
Often the emphasis is on whether or not one has made his or her point, and the detail of whether subjects and verbs agree is a minor one.

I taught at a public school for 16 years. I'm a mom. I used to be a child. I know. Children learn what they live. If what they live, in word or deed, is chronically incorrect, and is then repeated daily at school, how will they ever learn unless they are self-motivated? The proof of what is or is not being emphasized in school is in the performance of the student once away from school. When one knows better, one hopefully, does better.

I remember when my teachers would recommend that we listen to radio and television news reporters in order to perfect our speech and grammar. Listening to the news was often a homework assignment. I'm not so sure if teachers are suggesting that students listen to the news any longer. Grammar aside, the content and the way it's presented just isn't always suitable. Nevertheless, the assumption my teachers had was that, on the news, greater attention was paid to presenting "The King's English" and the use of slang was a definite no-no.

I attended public and parochial schools and I have to say, I now appreciate the no-nonsense, orderly atmosphere in which I learned, as well as the emphasis on principles of speech, English grammar and composition, and Latin. I learned to read with Dick, Jane, Spot, Midnight, Dr. Seuss and the big Phonovisual chart. My teachers read to us daily, and did it well. There was a huge difference, not in the quality of teachers, but in the demand and expectation for an orderly environment in which to teach and learn. My daughter, however, attended DCPS from kindergarten through 12th grade (elementary school east of the river) and is now a senior at Georgetown Law School. My requirements for her behavior in school afforded her teachers to give her their best. She knew, because I told her, that she was aiming to attain a level of academic excellence that her teachers already possessed. It's true. Students can only be as knowledgeable as the individual teaching them. Schools can only be as effective as they are allowed to be. We all could have probably learned a lot more had our teachers at any point along our educational journey not had to deal with all kinds of intrusions--social, financial, disciplinary, theoretical-- that hindered their ability to teach.

Too many parents leave the education of their children entirely up to the school. They forget the importance of reinforcing what their children have learned, and then wonder why very little of what their children experience at school is retained. Education has always been important in our family, so the school was always considered an extension of home. I always knew that every teacher was a second mother or father because my parents said so. It wasn't my place to correct them. My job was to do what I was told. As for the viewer, if they KNEW that their child's teacher was deficient, and they continued to send their child to his or her class, they had a bigger problem than proper, or improper use of grammar. Parents must remember that they are their child's FIRST teacher. One may not personally have the educational expertise to spot teacher errors and correct what their child is learning, but there are many available ways to find out.

We all make mistakes when we speak. The difference is whether or not we're aware of them and know how to, or care to make the necessary correction. When you know that people are hanging on your every word, whether to gain information, or perfect their own speech, you have the authority to do better. The responsibility for one's own ability to communicate effectively lies with each individual. ALL schools in America should aim to graduate students who have mastered the English language, and have at least offered an introduction to the mastery of other languages-- no matter what field of work the students eventually pursue.

Miss Mastis' intent to be, and do better in her chosen profession, and her sensitivity is admirable. I could think of worse things than a journalist who is a poor communicator, it just seems a little out of order, though. Whatever your profession, you should be an expert at the essentials of it.

Miss Mastis now knows not to use "had fell" and will probably hear "had fallen" in her sleep. Like the kid who never forgets the word they misspelled in the spelling bee, she will never forget the rule, nor will she confuse "had went" with "had gone". (Sorry. So, so sorry. I can't help it. My late mother was an English teacher.) The letter Miss Mastis received inspired her to think about the reasons why she became a journalist. For that reason alone, poor argument aside, the letter was sent to the right address.

Here's a link to the delightful Lindsey Mastis' blog. All the best to her. http://lindseymastis.com/2010/07/no-need-to-diss-my-public-school/