A backhanded compliment, no matter how weirdly well-meaning, is not complimentary in the least. It’s actually offensive in its effort to stroke an ego, impress, gain approval, or provoke.
One need not disparage, diminish, swipe at, ridicule, or even mention one person or thing, in an attempt to praise or flatter another. Further, it’s impossible to pit someone against something that they personally appreciate.
Preferences and favorites are choices, and are often subjective or biased. It’s okay, however, to express love, admiration, or appreciation, without drawing unsuspecting others into the conversation—or tossing them into unnecessary, uncomfortable comparisons or competitions that THEY would never initiate, or welcome.
Tact, discretion, and courtesy have to be taught—early. Knowing what to say, how, to whom and when, goes a long way. So does discerning and promptly shutting down speech that is deliberate, in its aim to stir up strife.
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