QUARANTINE LIFE : CONSIDERATION

I’ve made adjustments as I find myself emerging from what has become quite a peaceful life. A pandemic will do that.

I am Vanessa. Queen of The Homebodies. 

I don’t like clutter, rushing, or stress. I don’t like unnecessary noise, or things being made harder than they have to be. I don’t like what could be a fun or pleasant thing being turned into a chore. I don’t like being on clocks or schedules I neither made, nor agreed to.

I like time. I don’t like it being wasted on nonsense. I like focusing on principal things. I like nice surprises, not deliberate accidents.

All it takes is one insecure, anxious, overbearing individual in the mix, and I can feel my enthusiasm disappear. I realize I’ve been that way my whole life. When I recall some of the situations from which I quietly excused myself, I know it to be true that I like harmony, need safety, and adore peace. Things really can run smoothly if the effort is made. I really do think that the pandemic was hard on people who’d been accustomed to telling other people what to do.

Leaving home to engage is deliberate, and on a want-to basis. Staying home, (these days, anyway), is preferred. There’s always something to do.

If I say I’m going to do something, I’ll do it. If I don’t feel like it, I won’t— or I’ll pass the opportunity to someone capable who will. 

If I feel like I’m being pestered, I find my interest waning, or I’ll slow to a screeching halt. I’ve found that the most annoying people in this regard, are those who like to nickel-and-dime you. You know. They want miracles—a whole lot of something for little or nothing, usually yesterday or immediately—and to feather their own caps. They’re famous for changing the parameters of a thing midstream, promising the services of others, being controlling, representing others without authorization, adding work to existing work, and worrying you to death as if they’ve paid, or are paying top dollar. 

I tend to be passive and agreeable. I think it’s good to be cooperative, but I don’t like being blindsided. There haven’t been many times, but the handful of people who’ve called themselves micromanaging and making plans for me without asking? Well. Let’s just say they learned that’s not a good idea.

It’s true. People do what you allow.

Don’t just THINK it’ll be okay for you to put something on another person’s plate. You might see it as a few extra peas. To them, it looks like a massive, overrunning dollop of mashed potatoes and gravy.

Don’t assume (from the comfort of your home, while making YOUR schedule) that someone has nothing else to do. Even if they have a regular habit of chilling all day, and staring at the ceiling, that’s their choice.

Don’t guess whether someone will be okay with a thing or not. 

Don’t decide it (whatever IT is) is a good idea that they’ll surely love/like. 

Don’t determine what someone else should appreciate, or would deem beneficial. 

Don’t let the words, “They’ll just have to get over it”, “They’ll just have to be mad”, or “I’ll apologize later” come out of your mouth. It might not go the way you planned. The go-to people-pleaser you knew (and used) pre-pandemic, may not exist anymore. They may have gotten wiser, and set a few necessary boundaries.

ASK before you obligate, and never assume that everyone is superglued to a smartphone. There are a myriad of reasons from sickness, to slumber, to no service, as to why they didn’t get back to you right away. Sometimes, people are just mulling over how to respond tactfully, and conclude there’s just no polite way to do it.

The attitude that people work for you, or are at your beck and call, is a presumptuous, inconsiderate, and entitled one. There’s assertive, and then there’s pushy. You gotta know when you’re being a pain in the neck. That’s never been confused with encouragement. You can’t make anyone do anything. Don’t confuse adults with children—and even kids deserve consideration.

At best, people will be gracious and let a thing slide just to avoid embarrassment. At worst, taking the liberty to make decisions for grown people—who you neither own, birthed, betroth, employ, pay, nor have on retainer—isn’t the way to endear yourself, or build trust. The frustration, shade, or disappointment you’ll feel because you jumped the gun and tried to manipulate someone, will be your own fault. 

Don’t get it twisted. Don’t get your feelings hurt in these almost post-pandemic streets, where busyness (as opposed to business), and bossiness have re-emerged like the creature from the black lagoon. 

Many people have determined that “getting back to normal” doesn’t include being pushed around, put upon, or having one’s wants, wishes, time, resources, or plans hijacked, disregarded, or overruled. Things that used to be okay, shrugged off, or ignored might not be so anymore. 

Having someone’s sincere, eager consent is soooooo much better than them just going along to get along, or having an attitude because they’re been hoodwinked into something they really didn’t want to do. You’ll have a lot fewer changes to make, hoops to jump through, or excuses to make if you get that commitment BEFORE you go making plans. 

Always err on the side of respect and consideration—not just what you want. Make as many unilateral decisions as you please for YOURSELF, but when it comes to others, ASK. 

If they say ”No”, take that as a complete sentence, not a suggestion, or a mistake to be debated later.